Mexico
The Right Room
First time in Puerto Vallarta I was hungover standing at basin, looking into fright, when woman popped from stall behind and said sir are you aware this is women’s bathroom. Years later long sober I stood in Bakersfield theater as two women entered and one said what’s guy doing here. Leaving quickly I forgot to…
Read MorePresident Chapo Guzman
Come on. Admit it. You keep having to Google “new Mexican president” because you can’t remember Enrique Pena Nieto. He’s handsome but like generic model and smooth but so’s oily auto part. You know he represents old guard PRI that ruled dictatorially for decades, spoon feeding wealthy while ignoring poor. Trust me, Enrique Pena Nieto…
Read MoreWorld According to Americans
Don’t know if they were godless communists or radical Muslims but some outrageous critters emailed world map insulting Americans. On map they write we think Canada’s uninhabited. Bull feathers. We know few icy people live up there, and they sure as hell want to be like Alaska next door, which is now America except for…
Read MoreTravel Advice
Avoid crowded and dangerous Mexico City, stay way from torrid beaches, ignore over-hyped pyramids, and forget boring cathedrals. Instead, come to San Juan in infernal yet enchanting Nuevo León. Here you’ll meet friendly and forthright people. Don’t worry about forty-nine headless corpses on highway under welcoming white arch. Everything’s been cleaned up, and narcotics traffickers…
Read MoreMexican Journalists Murdered
routine news three mexican journalists found maimed in plastic bags week after female reporter strangled at home
Read MoreEl Popo Getting Hot in Mexico
volcanologists at national disaster prevention center in mexico city say rock spewing el popo volcano agitating like teenager’s pimple must be dreary group or would’ve likened el popo to hard on ready to blow
Read MoreMass Murder in Mexico
Hasn’t been much new in search engines about discovery of hundred seventy-seven corpses near San Fernando, Mexico. Occasional reports reminded just eighty miles south of border Mexican authorities ignored mountain of unclaimed luggage in bus depot before finally digging holes and discovering mummified Central Americans and Mexicans who’d headed north to work. Some had been…
Read MoreThe Right Room
first time on puerto vallarto tour quite hungover stand at basin looking into fright woman pops up behind and says sir are you aware this is women’s years later long sober at bakersfield movie women enter one says what’s guy doing in here leaving rapidly forget to say heat intoxication
Read MoreRemembering Mass Murder in San Fernando, Mexico
There hasn’t been much new news in search engines about the discovery one year ago of a hundred seventy-seven corpses near San Fernando, Mexico. Occasional reports merely reminded that just eighty miles south of Brownsville, Texas, Mexican authorities ignored a mountain of unclaimed luggage in a bus depot before finally digging holes and discovering mummified…
Read MoreDrink Vacation
had too much last night or wouldn’t have left underwear stacked in motel rushing to early mexico city flight * * * proud had attracted beautiful senorita in loud bar but regretted smile disappeared shortly before she did
Read MoreTijuana Taxi Ride
american drunk in tijuana night lumbers into taxi and in spanish asks for senoritas and marijuana fine says cabbie few minutes later american admits really wants cocaine cabbie reminds not what said then silently drives way out and says here’s best place for you american enters and thinks goddamn that guy dropping me where there’s…
Read MoreEducation of Ulysses S. Grant
I loved this wonderful horse that cost twenty-five dollars but when the owner brought it to our house my father said it wasn’t worth more than twenty and that’s what he offered. The owner wouldn’t yield and left but I so earnestly urged my father to help he gave me confidential instructions and ordered me…
Read MoreColossal Head and the Mesoamerican Ballgame
I know it’s not right by your standards but I don’t care about them or you, so my relentless almond eyes and flat ears, open and acute below the helmet on my Colossal Head 5, carved six-feet high into three tons of basalt, are aimed at viewers in museums who surround me on three sides.…
Read MoreCivil War in Mexico
At press conferences I proudly proclaimed the capture of safe houses and drug cartel hit men in Mexico City, and displayed their powerful weapons, bulletproof vests, and stacks of money. Here’s what they’re doing, I told the Mexican people. I want everyone to know that I, Edgar Millan Gomez, am the national police chief and…
Read MoreTaxi Tips In Mexico City
In order to help you avoid being overcharged, introduced to sexy but unscrupulous companions, ensnared in business ventures by smooth talkers, or kidnapped and robbed, I have compiled a nearly foolproof list of advice about how to deal with Mexico City taxi drivers, who, during my several trips to this magnetic metropolis, have been unsuccessful…
Read MoreA World of Protests in Mexico City
“To the Museum of Modern Art, please,” I told the taxi driver. “I can’t go there. The street’s closed.” “Paseo de la Reforma?” “That’s right.” “What’s going on?” “A big demonstration.” “What are they protesting?” “Don’t know. I can’t keep track of all the protests.” “Please drive as close as you can, and I’ll walk…
Read MoreMexican Society Under Attack
I can’t offer you my byline or a dateline for this column, and I wouldn’t describe the scene outside my window even if the drapes were open. They’ve been closed a long time in Mexico, and I don’t think that’ll change soon. I’ve got to stay quiet and out of sight, two things a journalist…
Read MoreTop Adviser Offers Blueprint of Mexico’s Future
All Mexican presidential candidates launched their 2006 campaigns by acknowledging that I more than anyone had mastered the essential issues and formed astonishing plans to propel our country out of Third World quicksand and into the cherished state of First World existence. I was thus going to be the foremost adviser no matter who won…
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