Category Archives: Crime

Trust Me

Have I ever lied to you? I’m the most honest man in the world and guarantee new vaccines I’m working on are safe and effective and will soon be available, probably before election day. I’ve just got to keep kicking the asses of lazy scientists and CDC bureaucrats so they stop slowing things down. I’m […]

Also posted in Cars & Driving, Coronavirus, Donald Trump, Immigration, Joe Biden, Poverty

Trump Blasts Biden

As race tightens Sleepy Joe Biden gets so scared he leaves his basement and hurries to Pennsylvania to denounce rioters and criminals in Democrat-controlled cities around nation. Notice he and other Dems didn’t say much at their convention. They sympathize with the bad guys. I always back law and order and worry about patriots like […]

Also posted in Donald Trump, Guns, Joe Biden

Norman Mailer Advocates All-Black Police Forces

Highlights follow from my recent phone conversation with Norman Mailer, twice a Pulitzer Prize winner who passed from this physical earth in 2007. “Damn it, Norman,” I say, “I spent too much time piddling online this morning and lost energy and still hadn’t written anything by early afternoon when I decided to read in bed […]

Also posted in Donald Trump, Hugh Hefner, Joe Biden, New York City, Norman Mailer, Playboy, Police

Republicans Open Convention

howdy i’m matt badass gaetz patriotic congressman from florida standing in a room empty as joe biden’s head to warn that democrats want to take your guns empty the prisons lock you in your homes and invite central american gangs to live next door don’t bother calling police in democrat-run cities they’re already being defunded […]

Also posted in Donald Trump, Joe Biden, Matt Gaetz

Tulsa Race Riot of 1921

This story is from the collection Paint it Blue It’s May thirtieth, 1921 and I’m a teenage shoeshiner entering a large downtown Tulsa building, anxious to use the “colored” restroom on the top floor. I hurry into the elevator, trip, and to avoid falling grasp the arm of a teenage white girl whose screams send […]

Also posted in Murder, Painters, Racism, Tulsa

Tom & Jesse Podcast #1 – Campaign 2020, Super Bowl Halftime

This morning it was a delight to record “Tom & Jesse Podcast #1” during which we discuss the recent political surge of Donald Trump, the bumbling Democrats and the seemingly weak Democrat presidential candidates, the murder of prominent California car dealer Jose Arredondo in Mexico, and the dynamite halftime performance of Shakira and Jennifer Lopez. […]

Also posted in Bernie Sanders, Donald Trump, Jennifer Lopez, Jesse Portillo, Jose Arrendondo, Mexico, Murder, Shakira

Trump Visits Elijah Cummings

Donald Trump squeezes his Oval Office phone and calls secret service agents, ordering them to ready several black beasts for an executive motorcade to nearby Baltimore. After entering the city limits they begin passing old buildings marred by broken or boarded windows and piles of trash outside. “Look how they live,” says Trump. “Disgusting. Get […]

Also posted in Baltimore, Donald Trump, El Salvador, Elijah Cummings, Guatemala, Honduras, Immigration, Murder, Poverty, Racism

Trump Warns Europeans

Seated at a large table during the summit meeting in Brussels, President Donald Trump crosses his arms in a tight jacket, eyes leaders of NATO nations, and says, “I love Europeans and they love me. My wife is from Slovenia, my mother from Scotland, and my father was conceived in Germany before his parents, no […]

Also posted in Angela Merkel, Donald Trump, England, Germany, Hungary, Immigration, Italy, London, Murder, Navy, Poland, Russia, Theresa May

Trump Animals

i’m talking about ms-13 gang members it’s crazy because of weak laws these people come in fast we get them we send them away we get them again we’re taking them out of the country at a rate that’s never happened before it’s so ridiculous they aren’t people they’re animals

Also posted in Donald Trump, Gangs, Immigration

Reform McConnell

mitch mcconnell hot on banking reform cold on guns

Also posted in Donald Trump, Guns, Mitch McConnell, Murder

Gun Checklist

Most citizens have already formulated and memorized their gun checklists. I’m writing mine down. 1. No one under age twenty-one can buy any gun. Nikolas Cruz, the deranged school shooter in Parkland, Florida, was nineteen. End of discussion. If you can’t support this sane law, Senator Marco Rubio, resign your seat. 2. Establish a universal […]

Also posted in Donald Trump, Guns, Marco Rubio, Murder, NRA, Poverty

State of Trump

Look at Paul Ryan trying so hard not to smile, in his seat behind me, as he thanks Heaven he no longer has to frown throughout a State of the Union speech by Barack Obama. Like all true citizens, Ryan knows under my leadership our country is enjoying a “new tide of optimism… incredible progress […]

Also posted in Barack Obama, China, Donald Trump, Immigration, Mexico, Nuclear Weapons, Paul Ryan, Russia, Terrorism, Trade

Trump Tip

buy private prison stocks sure to rise

Also posted in Donald Trump, Prisons

Guns in Classrooms

I arrive late to a packed board meeting of the Arid School District in your community and have to join others pressed against the wall and already listening to speakers address the five popularly-elected trustees of the school board who sit behind a long desk on the dais. “Guns are inherently offensive, not defensive,” says […]

Also posted in Bakersfield, Education, Guns, Murder

The Sweater

This story is now in the collection “Tales of Romance”

Also posted in Clothes, Romance, Teenagers, Theft

Money in the Bank

There aren’t any good jobs in L.A., and I’m sick of work anyway. I don’t even want to sell drugs anymore. I’ve got a better plan. Two friends and I are going to knock off a bank in Bakersfield. It would be too tough in L.A. In Bakersfield we’re dealing with hicks. I figure we […]

Also posted in Bakersfield, Banks, Los Angeles, Theft

The Derringer

“I’m sorry to say, Mr. Jones, that we can’t hire you.” “Why? I’m an excellent candidate. Look at my history of selling heavy equipment. Have you checked my references and letters of recommendation?” “We have, but those factors have been overridden by a problem.” “What problem?” “You lied to us.” “I did not.” “According to […]

Also posted in Guns, Markets, Theft, Toys

Violent Virgin Islands

Worn by cold weather and eternal gray days I leave Des Moines and move to the Virgin Islands where a friend from college tells me the weather’s always great except for high humidity and occasional hurricanes. I don’t worry much about climate. I just do what locals do. I like the Virgin Islands but better […]

Also posted in Detroit, El Salvador, Guns, Honduras, Murder, New Orleans, Virgin Islands

Louie in Transition

I didn’t start out well, throwing a paperweight at my principal in second grade. Next year half the kids on the playground chased me for stealing a little girl’s necklace. I didn’t mind. I liked to fight. So did many kids in my neighborhood. A guy stabbed me when I was fourteen. I also fought […]

Also posted in Assault, Juvenile Crime

Jail for Juvenile Felons

There’s a pretty picture on the postcard: San Francisco Bay provides a serene, blue backdrop for a hill with a group of shining buildings on it. The writing on the other side acknowledges the setting’s superficial beauty but offers a warning: San Quentin prison may look good on a postcard but is not a nice […]

Also posted in Juvenile Crime, Murder, Prisons, Rape, Sacramento, San Quentin, Theft


street signs claim gun and drug free zone

Also posted in Drugs, Guns, Poetry - GTC

Senior Scams

Don’t think thieves have no conscience. Some of us feel quite guilty, even before capture. Thankfully, I think I’ve outgrown my unacceptable tendencies; serving two stints in prison and turning seventy make a man mellow and empathetic. Today I’m just one of about fifty aging residents of Paradise Homes who’ve gathered in the community center […]

Also posted in Aging, Poetry - GTC, Theft

Airport Taxi

Mark didn’t like late night arrivals at any airport especially in Mexico City where some people get hyper when they see a gringo. He should’ve been ready when a young man rushed up and in Spanish said, “Here, Señor, come with me.” “Where?” “To a place with no lines and low taxi fares.” “Taxis are […]

Also posted in Economics, Kidnapping, Mexico, Mexico City, Poverty

Bakersfield Number One

Bring out the beer, boys, Bakersfield’s number one again. You see the report? We got the highest rate of auto theft in the United States. My buggy was ripped off last month. I love it. We also got the dirtiest air in the country. And as more of our teenage girls get knocked up we […]

Also posted in Bakersfield, Education, Environment

Shorty Belton

Bombs, bullets, bayonets, and insanity dominate island Okinawa in spring 1945 as American soldiers kill hundred thousand Japanese soldiers who kill and wound sixty-five thousand Americans, and both slaughter thousands of natives. Someone shoots Shorty Belton in leg. He’s lucky, surviving in relative good health, and returns to Spokane where he marries, raises family, works […]

Also posted in Murder, Prisons, Short Pieces - GTC, World War II

Night Court

This story is from the collection “Paint it Blue”

Also posted in Art, Economics, Great Depression, Painters, Phil Paradise, Poverty

Adopting Sonny Liston

This story is part of the collection “Death in the Ring”

Also posted in Alcohol, Boxing, Drugs, Families, Sonny Liston

House Arrest

This story appears in the collection “In Other Hands”

Also posted in Kidnapping, Sex, Short Pieces - GTC

Lady Driver

This story is now in the collection “The Bold Investor”

Also posted in Murder, Rape, Sex, Short Pieces - GTC

The Hector Camacho Experience

I’m only fifteen but in jail and then out I can’t slow down and don’t want to everything’s moving so fast I have to fight fuck dance and talk and I love speeding in stolen cars and taking other things and get more excited in the ring. I’m so much quicker than opponents I belt […]

Also posted in Boxing, Cocaine, Drugs, Hector Camacho, Julio Cesar Chavez, Murder, New York City, Oscar de la Hoya, Puerto Rico, Ray Leonard

Death Sentences in Iraq

This story is from the collection “Obama on Edge”

Also posted in Iraq, Lawyers, Middle East, Murder

Quito Hills

This story appears in the collection “In Other Hands”

Also posted in Brazil, Caracas, Drugs, Ecuador, Poverty, Quito, Rio de Janeiro, South America, Venezuela

Valley of Cumbaya

This story appears in the collection “In Other Hands”

Also posted in Ecuador, George Thomas Clark, Quito, Travel

Bag in Stall

In a crowded holiday airport he long waited for a stall and was thanking god when, fast as he blinked, a hand reached under the door and yanked his bag.

Also posted in Airports, Short Pieces - GTC, Theft, Travel

Gun Enthusiast Explains Lessons of Aurora

This story is from the collection “Obama on Edge”

Also posted in Colorado, Guns, Mental Health, Murder

Crime Scene

going to drive by house down street want to come what house said wife where those three people were shot last night that’s disgusting

Also posted in Marriage, Murder, Poetry - GTC

President Chapo Guzman

Come on. Admit it. You keep having to Google “new Mexican president” because you can’t remember Enrique Pena Nieto. He’s handsome but like generic model and smooth but so’s oily auto part. You know he represents old guard PRI that ruled dictatorially for decades, spoon feeding wealthy while ignoring poor. Trust me, Enrique Pena Nieto […]

Also posted in Chapo Guzman, Cocaine, Drugs, Enrique Pena Nieto, Methamphetamine, Mexico, Murder


money men who rage against crime appreciate stylish new gallows on wall street

Also posted in Capital Punishment, Economics, Employment, Poetry - GTC, Poverty, Wall Street

Travel Advice

Avoid crowded and dangerous Mexico City, stay way from torrid beaches, ignore over-hyped pyramids, and forget boring cathedrals. Instead, come to San Juan in infernal yet enchanting Nuevo León. Here you’ll meet friendly and forthright people. Don’t worry about forty-nine headless corpses on highway under welcoming white arch. Everything’s been cleaned up, and narcotics traffickers […]

Also posted in Drugs, Mexico, Mexico City, Murder, Short Pieces - GTC

Mexican Journalists Murdered

routine news three mexican journalists found maimed in plastic bags week after female reporter strangled at home To read “Drug Rehabilitation in Ciudad Juarez,” please click here To read “Mexican Society Under Attack,” please click here

Also posted in Drugs, Mexico, Poetry - GTC

Both Barrels

everyone now armed in public new law mandates good citizens carry second gun

Also posted in Guns, Murder, Poetry - GTC

Norwegian Fascist Salute

norwegian anti muslim anders breivik sieg heils in court to commemorate blowing up eight and shooting several dozen kids next time anders breivik sieg heils court orders fascist arm amputated and used as club

Also posted in Conservatives, Mental Health, Murder, Nazis, Norway, Poetry - GTC, Religion

Mass Murder in Mexico

Hasn’t been much new in search engines about discovery of hundred seventy-seven corpses near San Fernando, Mexico. Occasional reports reminded just eighty miles south of border Mexican authorities ignored mountain of unclaimed luggage in bus depot before finally digging holes and discovering mummified Central Americans and Mexicans who’d headed north to work. Some had been […]

Also posted in Agriculture, Drugs, Google, Mexico, Short Pieces - GTC

Cruising O.J.’s House

This story is in the collection “Basketball and Football”

Also posted in Football, Marriage, Media, Murder, O.J. Simpson, Short Pieces - GTC

Handbook for Vigilantes

This story is from the collection “Obama on Edge”

Also posted in Florida, George Zimmerman, Guns, Racism, Short Pieces - GTC, Trayvon Martin, Vigilantes

Stand Your Ground

This story is from the collection “Obama on Edge”

Also posted in Florida, George Zimmerman, Guns, Murder, NRA, Poetry - GTC, Racism, Trayvon Martin, Vigilantes

Honduran Heat

Honduran money’s in few hands closed to rusty prison where every cell’s sealed and sole set of keys dropped by guard fleeing fire. Outside, guards blocked firefighters and shot at few prisoners not trapped in cells. Most screamed as fried or suffocated but quit carrying on when charred in stacks totaling three hundred fifty-five stinking […]

Also posted in Central America, Fires, Honduras, Poverty, Prisons, Short Pieces - GTC

Crime Scene

man handcuffed chest down on floor head other side of room

Also posted in Murder, Poetry - GTC

Remembering Mass Murder in San Fernando, Mexico

There hasn’t been much new news in search engines about the discovery one year ago of a hundred seventy-seven corpses near San Fernando, Mexico. Occasional reports merely reminded that just eighty miles south of Brownsville, Texas, Mexican authorities ignored a mountain of unclaimed luggage in a bus depot before finally digging holes and discovering mummified […]

Also posted in Agriculture, Drugs, Google, Mexico, Poetry - GTC

The Collector

This story is part of the collections “Paint it Blue” and “The Bold Investor”

Also posted in Art, Mental Health, Murder, Painters, Short Stories - GTC, The Bold Investor

Teddy Bear

mommy and daddy had rooms full of smelly chemicals rotting teeth and making act crazy and now at night i don’t even have my teddy bear cuz police said it’s contaminated Source – Performing Arts Christmas Extravaganza in Tehachapi, December 17, 2011. To read “Wired in Bed,” please click here

Also posted in Drugs, Mental Health, Methamphetamine, Poetry - GTC

Criminal Justice in Islam

In blighted but affordable east Bakersfield old bank transformed into new mosque hosts annual Islamic Conference where keynote speaker Main Al-Qudah, PhD in Islamic law and imam at large mosque in Houston, steps to podium. He’s slim, stern, middle-aged, dressed in suit and tie, and resembles prosecutor as power points to screen bearing principles of […]

Also posted in Alcohol, Bakersfield, Drugs, Islam, Jordan, Main Al-Qudah, Marriage, Middle East, Rape, Religion, Saudi Arabia

Son of John Gotti

I hereby celebrate avoiding every commercial during the Super Bowl between the wildcard Green Bay Packers and the hardscrabble Pittsburgh Steelers. I didn’t have to dodge any pitches during the first third of the game since I overslept as I battled sinusitis. Joining the showdown with the Pack leading fourteen to three, I thereafter held […]

Also posted in 60 Minutes, Advertisements, Commercials, John Gotti, John Travolta, Kidnapping, Media, Movies, Murder, New York City, Organized Crime, Television

Subject of A Clockwork Orange Refutes Stanley Kubrick

Don’t call me Alex DeLarge. I long ago changed my notorious name, and for that I cannot blame Stanley Kubrick since I would’ve hidden my identity even if he hadn’t directed A Clockwork Orange, the film purportedly about my life. What I do forever excoriate Kubrick for is misrepresenting and exaggerating my deeds, which had […]

Also posted in England, Ludwig van Beethoven, Mental Health, Movies, Murder, Music, Prisons, Stanley Kubrick

Drug Rehabilitation in Ciudad Juarez

No one I knew used cocaine when I was a kid.  We just drank beer and smoked green mota.  Snorting coke was for rich and poor people in the United States.  It amazed me when I heard they were smoking it.  That sounded stupid.  They could do it all they wanted.  I only wanted to […]

Also posted in Drugs, Mexico

Eyewitness Account 1975: Lynette Fromme Tries to Assassinate President Ford

I witnessed the following incident on September 5, 1975, and this article  appeared four days later in the student newspaper at California State University, Sacramento.  A few revisions have been made. SACRAMENTO – Blinds were drawn over the windows on the east side of the hotel, keeping out the glare of the mid-morning sun.  Some […]

Also posted in Assassinations, Charles Manson, Cults, George Thomas Clark, Gerald Ford, Lynette Fromme, Murder, Sacramento

Crips and Bloods

This story appears in the collection “In Other Hands”

Also posted in Crips & Bloods, Drugs, Gangs, Los Angeles, Murder

Astronaut Explains

This story is now in the collection “Tales of Romance”

Also posted in Astronauts, Dating