fbpx

Category Archives: Joe Biden

Ballot Burial

scheming with usps lackey louis dejoy trump slows mail delivery of ballots

Also posted in Donald Trump, USPS

Kennedy and Nixon Debate

i may cry says my wife standing in front of our giant tv as I enter the living room and see black and white images of young john f kennedy and richard nixon debating sixty years ago what’s wrong i ask these men are articulate and well-mannered i doubt they’d get elected today

Also posted in Donald Trump, John F. Kennedy, Richard Nixon

Polls Tighten

Going negative stinks but it works. Last year Donald Trump refused to forward military aid to beleaguered Ukraine until President Volodymyr Zelensky opened an investigation of Hunter Biden that failed to damage Joe’s son but got Trump impeached. Now, bizarrely, still-unsubstantiated allegations against Hunter Biden are helping Trump crawl back into the race, boosted by […]

Also posted in Bahrain, Corporations, Donald Trump, Hunter Biden, Israel, Sudan, UAE, Ukraine, Volodymyr Zelensky

Obama Opens Fire

(Highlights from President Barack Obama’s speech in Philadelphia) Damn, I don’t know why I’ve spent four years denying myself the right of self-defense and the joy of counterstriking Donald Trump. The quaint old custom of saying little about presidential successors no longer applies because, quite simply, our liberty is under siege. I never thought Trump […]

Also posted in Barack Obama, Coronavirus, Democracy, Fox News, Kamala Harris

What God Wants

God Himself told the great Las Vegas pastor Denise Goulet that I’m the apple of His eye and He’s going to give me a second term. The Almighty knows if I weren’t in command of our coronavirus battle Anthony Fauci and his gang of epidemic idiots would’ve killed a million of us. Don’t worry, I’ve […]

Also posted in Anthony Fauci, Coronavirus, Donald Trump, Hunter Biden, Religion

Joe Six Pack Studies Judge Barrett

I got laid off again last week because liberals are still scared of the phony coronavirus but at least that gives me a chance to stay home and watch the Senate confirmation hearings of Amy Coney Barrett who’s impressive so I forgive her for saying the virus really “is infectious” and smoking causes cancer. Other […]

Also posted in Amy Coney Barrett, Donald Trump, Joe Six Pack, Supreme Court

The Comeback Kid

People really don’t talk enough about my spirit and determination but that’s changing because I destroyed my coronavirus and charged out of the hospital and am already standing on a White House balcony before several hundred packed but mostly-masked supporters and removing my mask to tell everyone I’m not contagious. I’m not exactly saying I’ve […]

Also posted in Coronavirus, Donald Trump

Breakdown Trump

I’m doing great and getting better every day but didn’t claim even to Sean Hannity that I’ve tested negative for the coronavirus. I know there was damn little of the virus in my system. There may have been none. I didn’t get into details with the doctors because Crazy Joe Biden as much as admitted […]

Also posted in Coronavirus, Donald Trump, Gretchen Whitmer, Kamala Harris, Mike Pence, Sean Hannity

Triumphant Return

Timidly, Dr. Sean Conley approaches President Trump at Walter Reed, stands at attention, holds a tight salute, and says, “Sir, you really should stay a few more days. Your progress here has been remarkable.” “It certainly has,” says Trump. “You have a dynamite team, and you’ve been treating a rare specimen. I feel better than […]

Also posted in Benito Mussolini, Coronavirus, Donald Trump, Ethiopia

Calling Home

Excited as a Little Leaguer who just hit the winning grand slam, President Trump dances into his office at Walter Reed, strokes the screen for his cell phone contacts, and touches: Melania. “Can’t wait,” he says to a couple of secret service agents pressing their backs against the far wall. The phone keeps ringing. “Would’ve […]

Also posted in Coronavirus, Donald Trump, Melania Trump

Tweets from Walter Reed

Don’t worry. I bet you know. I’m already feeling great Sunday and tweeting up a storm from my makeshift executive office in Walter Reed National Military Medical Center. Look at my latest tweet, just seconds ago, “US election poll: Trump BEATING Biden despite being in hospital with covid.” This comes from an important British monthly […]

Also posted in Chris Christie, Coronavirus, Donald Trump, Kellyanne Conway, Melania Trump

Get Well Soon

I dial the special number direct to a White House communications officer who promptly rings the Oval Office phone of the president. “President Trump, this is Tom Clark. How are you doing?” “Tom who?” asks Trump. “Clark.” “I’ve barely heard of you and don’t like what you write about me. I’d rather hear from Tom […]

Also posted in Coronavirus, Donald Trump, George Thomas Clark, Hope Hicks, Melania Trump

Stand Back and Stand By

Donald Trump is not only the greatest president, economics wizard, and strategic thinker we’ve ever had, he’s by far the finest debater. Trump would have hogtied Abraham Lincoln and shouted him down every time he opened his bearded mouth. Joe Biden, no Lincoln even before senility eroded Crazy Joe’s modest gifts, is in even bigger […]

Also posted in Amy Coney Barrett, Chris Wallace, Coronavirus, Donald Trump, Economics, Environment, Racism, Ruth Bader Ginsburg, Supreme Court

IRS Trumps

don’t try to tax me least not more than seven hundred last two years even that’s too much usually don’t pay at all but scream like hell i do

Also posted in Donald Trump, Taxes

Meet Amy

Come on, now. Be honest. Amy Coney Barrett’s pretty hot, isn’t she? Two years ago I couldn’t tell during the interview because she had some pink eye infection and wore dark glasses and we just didn’t connect and I wanted Brett Kavanaugh then, anyway. Being farsighted, I told her supporters to relax, I’d soon have […]

Also posted in Abortion, Amy Coney Barrett, Brett Kavanaugh, Donald Trump, Guns, Insurance, Ruth Bader Ginsburg, Supreme Court

Trust Me

Have I ever lied to you? I’m the most honest man in the world and guarantee new vaccines I’m working on are safe and effective and will soon be available, probably before election day. I’ve just got to keep kicking the asses of lazy scientists and CDC bureaucrats so they stop slowing things down. I’m […]

Also posted in Cars & Driving, Coronavirus, Crime, Donald Trump, Immigration, Poverty

Words of Graham

Hold your voices down. Obviously I’ve reviewed my video from four years ago and know I said it was the “last year of a lame duck president and if Republican candidates Donald Trump or Ted Cruz get to be president they ask the Senate not to vote on a Supreme Court nominee by President Obama. […]

Also posted in Donald Trump, Lindsey Graham, Ruth Bader Ginsburg, Supreme Court

Painful Polling

not politically correct to note police killed thirty unarmed black men last year while blacks killed about seven thousand other blacks and many voters are confused why former is more alarming than latter

Also posted in Donald Trump, Murder, Police

Trump Blasts Biden

As race tightens Sleepy Joe Biden gets so scared he leaves his basement and hurries to Pennsylvania to denounce rioters and criminals in Democrat-controlled cities around nation. Notice he and other Dems didn’t say much at their convention. They sympathize with the bad guys. I always back law and order and worry about patriots like […]

Also posted in Crime, Donald Trump, Guns

Norman Mailer Advocates All-Black Police Forces

Highlights follow from my recent phone conversation with Norman Mailer, twice a Pulitzer Prize winner who passed from this physical earth in 2007. “Damn it, Norman,” I say, “I spent too much time piddling online this morning and lost energy and still hadn’t written anything by early afternoon when I decided to read in bed […]

Also posted in Crime, Donald Trump, Hugh Hefner, New York City, Norman Mailer, Playboy, Police

Trump Accepts Nomination

How about this backdrop? The White House lit up at night, baby. While Joe Biden hides in his basement, I’m addressing you in front of the world’s greatest home, where I’ve lived four years and will reside four more maybe even eight. Thanks to my gorgeous daughter Ivanka for introducing me. Isn’t she fantastic? I’ve […]

Also posted in Abortion, China, Coronavirus, Donald Trump, Economics, Iran, Nuclear Weapons, Taxes

Republicans Open Convention

howdy i’m matt badass gaetz patriotic congressman from florida standing in a room empty as joe biden’s head to warn that democrats want to take your guns empty the prisons lock you in your homes and invite central american gangs to live next door don’t bother calling police in democrat-run cities they’re already being defunded […]

Also posted in Crime, Donald Trump, Matt Gaetz

USPS

it’s a hoax cries trump don’t vote especially to restore funds and services my guy cut from post office by more than hundred votes house of reps including two dozen from his party tells fat donald to shove it

Also posted in Donald Trump, Fat Donald, USPS

Democratic Convention Highlights

bill clinton says you know what trump will do blame bully belittle barack obama says trump had no interest in putting in the work result is a hundred seventy thousand dead millions of jobs lost and our worst impulses released joe biden says i will draw on best of us not the worst i’ll be […]

Also posted in Barack Obama, Bill Clinton, Donald Trump

Postmaster Trump

I’m not going to let Democrats use the United States Postal Service to steal the election. We all know they’re claiming the China Virus is so dangerous that people can’t safely go to the polls. Listen, I already offered to postpone the election until my scientists develop a vaccine, and that won’t be long, but […]

Also posted in Coronavirus, Donald Trump, Fat Donald, United States Postal Service

Trump Denounces Kamala Harris

We all know Joe Biden hasn’t been thinking straight in years but even in his crazy condition I expected him to pick someone better than Kamala Harris as his vice presidential running mate. She’s the nastiest and most liberal of all U.S. Senators. It was disgraceful how she insulted Brett Kavanaugh during his Senate hearing […]

Also posted in Donald Trump, Fat Donald, Kamala Harris

Clever Fellow

don’t you love my nicknames for enemies lyin’ ted little marco cheatin’ obama crazy bernie crooked hillary sleepy joe phony kamala and now I’ve got another great one fat donald

Also posted in Donald Trump, Fat Donald, Kamala Harris

Defender of Democracy

china virus hitting us hard despite my great efforts we better postpone election until we can safely vote instead of mailing in most fraudulent ballots in history

Also posted in Campaign 2020, Coronavirus, Donald Trump

The Masked Man

More authoritative than ever, President Trump dons the sleek black eye mask of The Lone Ranger and steps behind microphones to announce wearing masks is a good idea after all since the China Virus is going to get worse before it gets better. “Mr. President,” says a reporter masked over nose and mouth, “you’re not […]

Also posted in Barack Obama, Chicago, Donald Trump, Guns, Murder, Portland

Triumph in Tulsa

No need to mention there are a helluva lot of empty seats in the upper deck of the Tulsa arena but I do hint by saying some bad people attacked our town tonight. Or, I’m thinking, maybe some tough Tulsans believe Democrat propaganda this county has the highest number of coronavirus cases in Oklahoma and […]

Also posted in Campaign 2020, Coronavirus, Donald Trump, George Washington, Jay Inslee, Jefferson Davis, Portugal, Robert E. Lee, Seattle, Thomas Jefferson, Tulsa

Trump Assails Bolton and Supreme Court

I achieved a lot for this great nation, winning the election to save us from Hillary Clinton and then appointing two great conservatives to the Supreme Court. We’d have a five to four majority there most of the time but chief justice John Roberts is playing like an Earl Warren liberal and screwing up my […]

Also posted in China, Donald Trump, Immigration, John Bolton, Ukraine, Xi Jinping

Trump Unmasked

i wasn’t making fun of biden and his wife for wearing masks why would i ever do that i just don’t like wearing them especially in public

Also posted in Coronavirus, Donald Trump

Political Lesson

hey biden democracy means more than one candidate the other one’s trump and if some african americans support him they’re still black, despite your dumb ass statement, and others may stay home from polls to spite you

Also posted in Donald Trump

Biden Returns to the Spotlight

Hey, remember me? I’m the guy who won a bunch of Democratic primaries and earned the opportunity to run against Donald Trump. I ought to be the most visible person in the country, jetting around and bashing the worst president in our history. Instead, like you, I’m stuck at home, hiding from this damn coronavirus. […]

Also posted in Donald Trump, Sex, Tara Reade

Bernie Announces

Don’t try to talk to me unless you’re wearing a surgical mask. I wouldn’t hear you then and don’t want to now. I don’t care I lost Florida by forty points and also got hosed in Illinois and Arizona and now trail Joe Biden by three hundred delegates. That’s irrelevant. What do you mean what […]

Also posted in Bernie Sanders, Coronavirus, Donald Trump, Economics, Employment

The Coronavirus, Campaign 2020 – Tom & Jesse Podcast #5

In our fifth podcast, Jesse Portillo and I discuss the latest developments in the coronavirus, our impressions of Cuba – twenty years apart – Joe Biden’s electoral surge in the Democratic presidential primary, and Bernie Sanders’ next moves. Click here to listen

Also posted in Bernie Sanders, Coronavirus, Cuba, Donald Trump, George Thomas Clark

Bernie’s Last Stand

Look how the political lackeys are marching to the drumbeat. Kamala Harris says, Joe Biden, it was very hurtful when you opposed busing because I was a little black girl who took buses to better schools but considering the alternatives I’ve decided to back you for president of the United States. And Cory Booker runs […]

Also posted in Amy Klobuchar, Bernie Sanders, Beto O'Rourke, Cory Booker, Donald Trump, Elizabeth Warren, Kamala Harris, Michael Bloomberg

Big Gun Congressman

Blowhard Congressman Ken Buck removes MR-15 from Capitol wall, assumes battle position, and challenges Joe Biden to come and take it. To that one responds, “Okay, tough guy, when the law changes and assault weapons are illegal, either relinquish yours or we’ll take it from you. And you won’t fire a shot…” Bad Ass Rep. […]

Also posted in Donald Trump, Guns, NRA

Super Tuesday – Tom & Jesse Podcast #4

Super Tuesday revealed a revived Joe Biden who surges into the lead in the presidential primary. Tom and Jesse analyze the results and discuss psychological dynamics between current as well as former candidates. Super Tuesday – Tom & Jesse Podcast $4

Also posted in Amy Klobuchar, Bernie Sanders, Campaign 2020, Donald Trump, Michael Bloomberg, Pete Buttigieg

Super Tuesday at Bernie’s

Late Monday morning I get an email titled “Anybody but Bernie Sanders” that tautly announces, “The Political Establishment has made their choice… That is fine. We always knew it. You’ve always known it. Now it just happens to be clear for everyone to see.” I have no recorded evidence but believe, based on observation, that […]

Also posted in Amy Klobuchar, Bernie Sanders, Donald Trump, Pete Buttigieg

The New Bernie Sanders

Bernie’s in South Carolina trouble. Good old boys and girls down here are worried as hell he’s not only Jewish he’s a communist. And in this debate his Democratic primary adversaries are plenty heated up, too, lashing from all sides as locals cheer. Peach-fuzz Pete Buttigieg says, “It’s time to stop acting like the presidency […]

Also posted in Apartheid, Bernie Sanders, Donald Trump, Lindsey Graham, Marijuana, Pete Buttigieg, South Carolina, Strom Thurmond

Greeting Michael Bloomberg

I’m richer, smarter, and tougher than these low-level Democrats and have spent four hundred million dollars to advertise my success while giving speeches and practicing for my first debate I know I’ll win right here on this stage in Las Vegas. “I’d like to talk about who we’re running against: a billionaire who calls women […]

Also posted in Amy Klobuchar, Bernie Sanders, Donald Trump, Elizabeth Warren, Michael Bloomberg, Pete Buttigieg

Tom & Jesse Podcast #2 – Campaign 2020, Kobe Bryant

Tom and Jesse Podcast #2 – In today’s podcast we talk about the presidential primary, Donald’s Trump’s upcoming visit to Bakersfield, Melania’s emergence as a fundraiser, the coronavirus, and we remember Kobe Bryant. CLICK HERE FOR PODCAST

Also posted in Amy Klobuchar, Barack Obama, Bernie Sanders, Donald Trump, Kobe Bryant, Melania Trump, Pete Buttigieg, South Carolina, Tom & Jesse Podcast

Memo from Strategist

Quit handwringing and moralizing. If Democrats are to win in 2020 they must find a candidate who’s more appealing than Trump. That may sound easy but who would that be? Which Dem would you bet your house on? I’ve been looking but don’t see anyone who can win. Politics is show business, and Donald Trump […]

Also posted in Campaign 2020, Donald Trump, Iran, Kim Jong-Un, Korea, Nuclear Weapons

Impeached

I know what the deceitful Democrats are going to do and so do you and that’s why I’m writing to Nancy Pelosi this whole impeachment is “an unprecedented and unconstitutional abuse.” I’m not even being accused of committing any crimes or misdemeanors, nothing. That’s because I’ve never done anything wrong. It’s Pelosi and the Democrats […]

Also posted in Donald Trump, Impeachment, Nancy Pelosi, Russia, Ukraine

Joe Six Pack Says

I feel so sorry for President Trump having to listen to all these witnesses lying about Ukraine. Who the hell are Alexander Vindman, Gordon Sondland, and Fiona Hill? They’re nobodies in the spotlight only because they’re attacking the president for making sure Ukraine quits interfering in our elections like it did in 2016. Barack Obama […]

Also posted in Barack Obama, Donald Trump, Hillary Clinton, Joe Six Pack, Ukraine

Trump Dumps on Dems

Nothing makes me happier than watching Democrats debate each other in front of Americans who undoubtedly think the candidates are incompetent. You know there’s NO WAY any of them can beat me and they know it too. That’s why they’re pushing for the illegal and absurd impeachment of an extraordinarily successful president. That won’t work. […]

Also posted in Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, Bernie Sanders, Donald Trump, Elizabeth Warren, Ilhan Omar, Syria, Turkey, Volodymyr Zelensky

Daughter Debates Dad

Our flat screen shows a wide stage containing ten eager presidential candidates. “Daddy, what’s a Hickenlooper?” asks my daughter. “That’s a former governor of Colorado,” I say. “What’s he doing in California?” “They’re in Detroit for a debate.” “Why?” “They’re trying to become president of the United States.” “Who’s going to win?” Jabbing my index […]

Also posted in Bernie Sanders, Campaign 2020, Donald Trump, Elizabeth Warren, Families

Casting Director Watches Second Debate

Blessed with the insight of a soothsayer and the power of a kingmaker, I have many times selected the best stars for classic roles. I said cast Humphrey Bogart instead of Ronald Reagan in Casablanca. I picked John F. Kennedy over Richard Nixon. I decreed that Reagan replace Jimmy Carter and Bill Clinton topple George […]

Also posted in Bernie Sanders, Campaign 2020, Donald Trump, Ivanka Trump, Kamala Harris, Pete Buttigieg

Bashing Biden

Sure, I’d listen to people from another country if they said they had important information about my political enemies. Don’t bother moralizing. You wouldn’t call the FBI, either. Stakes are too high. I’m not only making us great and guarding against terrorists, I’m fighting a very dangerous guy at home. Actually, Joe Biden would only […]

Also posted in Abortion, Campaign 2020, China, Donald Trump, Hillary Clinton, Iowa, Nikolai Lenin, Trade

Trump Assesses the Democratic Candidates

I love democracy or I’d say cancel the 2020 election because all the Democrats are children compared to me and I’m going to win easily. Go ahead. Throw me some names and I’ll explain. Joe Biden – Can’t believe this wimp threatened to punch me because of my popularity with women. Look what’s happening. Even […]

Also posted in Amy Klobuchar, Bernie Sanders, Campaign 2020, Cory Booker, Donald Trump, Elizabeth Warren, Iran, Joseph McCarthy, Julian Castro, Kamala Harris, Pete Buttigieg, Roy Cohn, Tulsi Gabbard

Manila Bulletin Posts: “Trump and Biden Brawl”

Manila Bulletin columnist Jose Abeto Zaide, former Philippine ambassador to Germany and France, has again posted one of my columns. “TRUMP AND BIDEN BRAWL” in the Manila Bulletin Click here to read “King Donald” by George Thomas Clark

Also posted in Donald Trump, George Thomas Clark, Jose Abeto Zaide, King Donald

Trump and Biden Brawl

Joe Biden, former vice president and still a slender six-footer at age seventy-five, stands at the microphone in an elegant Washington, D.C. hotel and, before Democratic governors and their staffs, begins hammering President Donald Trump for cutting taxes for the wealthy, risking a trade war with Europe and Asia, risking nuclear war with North Korea […]

Also posted in China, Donald Trump, Jerry Brown, Kim Jong-Un, Korea, Nuclear Weapons, Trade

Hillary Plans Defeat of ISIS

This story is from the rousing campaign book “King Donald”

Also posted in Barack Obama, Campaign 2016, Carly Fiorina, Hillary Clinton, ISIS, Middle East

Michelle Intervenes

“Barack, what’s that smell?” “Just new cleanser they’re using.” “Are you sure?” “Yeah.” “Open this door.” “Can’t, the vice president and I are resolving the immigration and Syrian crises.” “You’re profaning the Oval Office as well as disobeying my directives.” “I’m doing no such thing.” “You think I don’t know.” “How could you?” “I had […]

Also posted in Barack Obama, Marijuana, Michelle Obama

Soothing Barack

“Mr. President, you’ve been quite tense.” “Since when?” “Last five years or so.” “Be thankful you bear not my burden, Joe.” “I am, but I’ll have to unless you mellow out.” “I work out, play golf, spend quality time with the wife. What else can I do?” Joe smiled and presented a perfectly rolled cigarette. […]

Also posted in Barack Obama, Marijuana, Short Pieces - GTC

Joe Six Pack and Hockey Mom

This story is from the collection “Obama on Edge”

Also posted in Barack Obama, Campaign 2008, George Thomas Clark, Joe Six Pack, John McCain, Sarah Palin

Sarah Palin’s Biography in 2064

In honor of Sarah Palin, who would have been one-hundred years old this year, Shotgun Books is releasing Palin: Maverick, Stateswoman, and Mom.  The first chapter follows: Not since the evening Richard Nixon resigned more than three decades earlier had Republicans so dreaded a night as October second, 2008.  Even Democrats reached with trepidation for […]

Also posted in Alaska, Barack Obama, Campaign 2008, Joe Six Pack, John McCain, Sarah Palin

Obama Embraces Palin

This story is from the collection “Obama on Edge”

Also posted in Barack Obama, Campaign 2008, Sarah Palin