Sex

I am honored today to speak for the greatest, most powerful and God-fearing creatures who have yet graced the earth, the white American male. For three months now we have been in the throes of moral outrage because Tiger Woods, after years of profitably portraying himself as a dedicated and monogamous family man, was revealed…

Beautiful Elin Woods, the Athlete of the Decade and, perhaps more significantly, the most compelling entertainer on earth, remains in isolation and is quite depressed.  One understands why.  For thirteen years, until the early and dangerous hours after Thanksgiving Day, Elin had stridden the world’s golf courses as unrivalled queen, and her corporate dominance was…

Until recent revelations of my weakness for young white female flesh, and the overwhelming moral outrage that followed, I thought in a sexual sense I was a relatively normal guy, that is one ready to squeeze any appealing woman who beckoned.  Now, sadly, after reading countless rabid condemnations in the press and blogosphere and cringing…

Bulletins from TigerWoods.com Saturday November 28, 11:30 a.m. It is untrue that Tiger Woods is having an affair with a striking New York City celebrity chaser, Rachel Uchitel, and therefore it is a lie that his wife Elin attacked him for so doing.  About 2:25 a.m. Friday November 27, after failing to properly digest turkey…