Category Archives: Sex
Hillary Clinton v. Monica Lewinsky
I’m laughing when not growling about what Republicans, rather pathetically, are praying is true about me, that I’m fat and sickly and incapable of campaigning a week much less a year, and my book is selling poorly, and, most outrageously, that both the ghostly and earthly presence of Monica Lewinsky will preclude me from defeating […]
Also posted in Bill Clinton, Boxing, Hillary Clinton, Marriage, Monica Lewinsky
Silvio Berlusconi
Those saying I’m thief and libertine are fools. I’m suave multi-billionaire media mogul who as prime minister and consummate politician dominated Italy for generation. Regrettably, latest idiots are three dowdy female judges, jealous of Berlusconi allure for gorgeous young women, who sentenced me to seven years prison and banned from politics for life. They won’t […]
Also posted in Italy, Short Pieces - GTC, Silvio Berlusconi
Waiting Room
Waiting room roar: she cheats so does he they’re divorcing and lucky to escape. You can’t. Doctor always late and secretary refuses to shoot TV.
Also posted in Divorce, Doctors, Health, Marriage, Short Pieces - GTC
Next Door
Customers of lady on next farm often crossed Hilmer’s property and damaged fence. I’m gonna get those bastards, he told wife. Ever catch anyone, she asked. Not yet. Just Eddie. I didn’t father no bastard. Maybe you have twin who did.
Also posted in Families, Marriage, Prostitution, Short Pieces - GTC
House Arrest
Lady says she’s sad three teenagers kidnapped in Cleveland decade ago and caged prior to serial rape. Lady doesn’t understand, though, how pervert so long suppressed they couldn’t kill or escape or make noise to alert neighbors. She cites first job, as maid. Employer demanded she join wife for threesome in bed. When she shouted […]
Also posted in Crime, Kidnapping, Short Pieces - GTC
Lady Driver
Burly female bus driver let off all passengers save last man on route. When she passed final step he yelled hey. She pulled onto dark street. Next week police found body battered and abused. Bus driver was questioned then released.
Also posted in Crime, Murder, Rape, Short Pieces - GTC
Honeymoon
Following long engagement and big wedding Sarah and Justin flew to dream honeymoon on Maui. First night, as couple entered seaside dining room, Steve said, hi Sarah. Who’s that, Justin asked. Guy from high school. Hello there, said Jim. Justin looked at wife. He was in college English class, I think. Waiter arrived at table […]
Also posted in Dating, Marriage, Short Pieces - GTC
Child Bride
When she was fifteen family received money and jewelry and said she had to marry him. In five years she bore four children. Unhappy she wasn’t always available, husband acquired girlfriend. Wife protested but lived with in-laws who kept her busy cooking and cleaning. After she, husband, and children moved to United States, he tired […]
Also posted in Children, Divorce, Marriage, Religion, Short Pieces - GTC
Big Exam
Harry put on extra cologne and best suit. He was excited. After several weeks exchanging Romance.net emails with beautiful Patricia, he received invitation to dine at house. He knocked. Barefoot and in silk bathrobe she opened door. “Thought you’d be wearing one of your elegant dresses,” he said. “Please step into bedroom and take off […]
Also posted in Internet, Romance, Short Pieces - GTC
Pasadena Bedrooms
Tour of stately homes in Pasadena was interesting but unsurprising until, in large second-floor master bedroom of 1920s matron, man pointed to small adjoining room with bed visible through glass doors. “Didn’t she like privacy?” “Frankly, she did not,” said handsome female tour guide. “While busy in bed, she kept fresh man entertained in other […]
Also posted in Pasadena, Short Pieces - GTC
Sleep Issues
Driving elbow into ribs, Patti said, “Quit snoring.” As Bill did not waken, she drilled again. “What hell?” “You’re ruining sleep.” “You don’t sleep,” he said. “Because you always roll around and snort like pig.” “That’s not why.” “Go to guest bedroom.” Bill complied and was soon snoring. Patti stared at dark ceiling and wondered […]
Also posted in Health, Marriage, Short Pieces - GTC, Sleep
Tips from a Pimp
Don’t call me a bad guy. Most of my girls are cursed and molested at home by parents, stepparents, mothers’ boyfriends, and others, and feel worthless when I find them on the run or hanging in the streets. You don’t have to take this, I tell them. You’re a beautiful young lady. Come with me. […]
Also posted in Child Molestation, Prostitution, Slavery
Arousing Einstein
Bereft of traditional McLaughlin Group debating team old host John interviews two scholars who reveal Einstein was womanizer propelled by nuclear libido erupting from supernova brain later carved into fifty bite-size pieces. The male scholar knows everything about Einstein’s infinite adventures and betrayals and writes many books about subject. Female scholar doesn’t know much but […]
Also posted in Albert Einstein, Marriage, McLaughlin Group, Short Pieces - GTC
In Ripley’s Museum
Gladys wants to go to Ripley’s Museum. “I’d rather not. I don’t believe most they say.” “It’s all true, and, besides, it’s my turn to choose.” I concede, and we drive down filthy and crowded Hollywood Boulevard, park on asphalt in fenced recreational area, and walk two pungent blocks through panhandlers, sidewalk jewelry vendors, and […]
Also posted in Los Angeles, Marriage, Ripley's Museum
Two Brides
Pretty Colombian bride with Anglo surname returns to adult ESL class for quick writing tip and says she’s in college taking fifty units this semester to become nurse. Two years later pretty Colombian bride about ten years older enters and signs same last name. After class teacher asks if they’re related, and she frowns saying […]
Also posted in Colombia, Education, Marriage, Short Pieces - GTC
Online General
Have you fought in war? Have you been shot at? Ever killed anyone? Ordered people into battle? Seen field of corpses? Held dying comrade in arms? Tried to comfort loved ones of dead? Worried what horrors are next? That’s what I thought. So shut bourgeois mouths. I’m in charge of American troops in Afghanistan and […]
Also posted in Afghanistan, David Petraeus, Internet, John Allen, Marriage, Short Pieces - GTC
Counterattack
I’m West Point graduate who ran varsity cross country and track and served in Army Reserve, specializing in military intelligence and counterterrorism. In 2006 I earned master’s degree in international studies and met general and told about academic interest in career. He handed me business card, stressed he’d always been mentor, and said stay in […]
Also posted in Afghanistan, CIA, David Petraeus, Iraq, Marriage, Middle East, Short Pieces - GTC, Taliban, West Point
Child Prostitutes Get Younger
This is outrageous. I finally convince my wife I have business in Southeast Asia, pay thousands to fly to Cambodia, and the lousy pimp offers me a girl twelve years old and claims she’s a virgin. Like hell. I know she’s been sewn up. No way four thousand, I say, not three either, two thousand […]
Also posted in Cambodia, Child Molestation, Children, Movies, Prostitution, Slavery, Southeast Asia
When Dad’s a Pervert
My name’s Diana Cisneros. I’m twenty-six years old, from Bakersfield, and want to tell you this story. My dad was a salesman and weekend preacher. My mom had a home day care center. Dad always had to look perfect on the outside but in truth was an angry and violent man who physically abused our […]
Also posted in Child Molestation, Children, Prostitution, Religion, Slavery
Children as Sex Slaves
Jeff is in Cambodia, portraying a pedophile in search of little girls. He’s learned they’re being held in several pens dispersed in the village, and arranges to meet a trafficker who brags he has many for rent. What kind do you want? About this tall? He extends a hand. That too big? He lowers his […]
Also posted in Cambodia, Child Molestation, Children, Prostitution, Slavery
Wired
On cold night drunk in another bar he met chunky woman who opened purse and showed white powder they snorted in car. At apartment she called neighbor who walked over, sold more, asked for hit, and took three, firing thousand words before leaving. They burned noses and strained hearts two hours before moving upstairs and […]
Also posted in Alcohol, Drugs, Mental Health, Methamphetamine, Short Pieces - GTC
Jacob Zuma Demands Dignity
I am “shocked and feel personally offended and violated” by racist painting “The Spear” by white artist Brett Murray who portrays me like Lenin in suit but with penis exposed. This is not political satire, like opponent says, but form of “hate speech,” as one proud daughter notes. I know joke. Which daughter? Which son? […]
Also posted in Africa, AIDS, Art, Jacob Zuma, Painters, Rape, Short Pieces - GTC, South Africa
Border Patrol
Ed would’ve quit job if he’d had one to jump in pickup high on four big wheels and speed down here to stop millions of illegal aliens from invading country and committing crimes, devouring welfare and health care, and overcrowding classrooms. Those people had also destroyed integrity on building sites, jabbering in Spanish before stealing […]
Also posted in Immigration, Mexico, Short Pieces - GTC
The Hussy
Years ago as child visiting relatives in small community on western slope of high Sierra, I heard one woman tell another, “Fay Hendricks is hussy,” and they nodded. “What’s that?” I asked. “Never mind.” I figured hussy must be insult but until recent night didn’t pursue personal details. “Fay’s son just got married for first […]
Also posted in Cars & Driving, Doctors, Health, Marriage, Short Pieces - GTC
Downtown Drinkers
Tim and Billy were barhopping in brand new old downtown. They always drank too much and Tim used buzz to talk to women. Billy usually became quieter. On Saturday night Tim brought young woman back to table and charmed her while Billy tried to say few words. When she went to restroom Tim told Billy […]
Also posted in Alcohol, Families, Friendship, Short Pieces - GTC
Evil Eye
why look at me like that email link only for aesthetic reasons
Also posted in Internet, Poetry - GTC
Joan Bennett Allure
decades ago sultry actress joan bennett parked car in public lot leading to private time with agent on afternoon husband spotted car still there hours later waited till night when joan and agent returned she entered car and agent stood at window for passionate goodnight husband interrupted with two shots to groin agent survived to […]
Also posted in Joan Bennett, Marriage, Movies, Poetry - GTC
New Employee
new employee pulls my eyes hardens hers couple months later feel gentler look up say wait aren’t you
Also posted in Poetry - GTC
Little Honey
little honey married and too young hope she knows too
Also posted in Marriage, Mental Health, Poetry - GTC
Party Painters
spectators at party delighted by naked couple hugging and painting each other
Also posted in Art, Painters, Poetry - GTC
Orange Ladies
two pouty orange mouths under hats above dresses equally orange sexy or mean better assume mean and sexy
Also posted in Art, Painters, Poetry - GTC
Edvard Munch Stretched on Canvas
Self-Portrait, 1881-1882 surprised handsome late teens expected tight jaw eyes tunneling turmoil To see Self Portrait, 1881-1882, please click here thoughts of faceless man fall into frigid hole pushed by dead water beneath sky bleeding more blank faces To see Despair, please click this link Evening on Karl Johan Street, 1892 hate walking on karl […]
Also posted in Art, Depression, Edvard Munch, Loneliness, Mental Health, Painters, Poetry - GTC, Psychology
Madonna Interlude
aficionado excited madonna appeared unintroduced lassoed neck with skinny muscular arm unzipped pants pulled off slid out dress hopped on surprising but not disappointing when realized was another blonde
Also posted in Dreams, Madonna, Music, Poetry - GTC
Wired in Bed
cold night drunk in ‘eighties bar met chunky woman who showed some white powder we snorted in car at apartment she called woman who came sold more asked for hit and took three firing thousand words before leaving we burned noses and strained hearts couple hours before moving upstairs about two and were nonstop at […]
Also posted in Drugs, Mental Health, Methamphetamine, Poetry - GTC
Arousing Einstein
bereft of traditional mcglaughlin group debating team old host john interviews two scholars who reveal einstein was womanizer propelled by nuclear libido erupting from supernova brain later carved into fifty bite size pieces the male scholar knows everything about einstein’s infinite adventures and betrayals and writes many books about the master the female scholar doesn’t […]
Also posted in Albert Einstein, Nuclear Weapons, Physics, Poetry - GTC
Herman Cain Explains
There’s liberal conspiracy by those who don’t want real independent black man to be president so claim I propositioned some ladies at restaurant conventions inviting them to my room where they’d have been lucky with charming rich rascal like me. I guarantee those women are lying or exaggerating I don’t recall which except settlements they […]
Also posted in Campaign 2012, Herman Cain, Poetry - GTC, Republicans
Strong Maids
for protection i demanded two maids and they always appeared in tandem and everything worked fine till the day they locked the door bound my hands and had their way
Also posted in Poetry - GTC
Lady Models for Lucian Freud
my brother says he’d never do an old woman and young women with old men are gross but i don’t care because i’m just modeling for Lucian Freud who’s damn good looking for a guy in his eighties hair thick and combed back sophisticated gray over a patrician face and strong body it’s cool he’s […]
Also posted in Art, Lucian Freud, Painters, Poetry - GTC, Psychology, Sigmund Freud
Mitt Romney Sleeps
mitt romney behaves too well talks too swell looks too good and bores like hell
Also posted in Campaign 2012, Mitt Romney, Poetry - GTC, Republicans
Michele Bachmann Sweet
short and slender wrapped up sweet
Also posted in Campaign 2012, Michele Bachmann, Poetry - GTC, Politics
Sarah Palin Swings
better you ain’t runnin’ cuz you need full time luvin’
Also posted in Alaska, Campaign 2012, Poetry - GTC, Sarah Palin
Iraqi Women
When I was twelve my father, a failed shopkeeper, received money and jewelry from an old man of forty who took me as his wife. The first time alone was a nightmare like every time before another old man, who I’m sure paid my husband, took me to live in a large old house surrounded […]
Also posted in Iraq, Prostitution, Women's Rights
George W. Bush on Men and Women
Remember that great photo a few years ago of me holding hands and smooching with King Abdullah of Saudi Arabia, who looked cool with black mustache and goatee glistening under his white keffiyeh headdress. He’s one of the richest oil guys in the world and always nice to me. The Saudis are my friends. And […]
Also posted in George W. Bush, Iraq, King Abdullah, Middle East, Osama bin Laden, Saudi Arabia
Pauline’s Fabulous Whorehouse
Your houses are worth about half what you owe, gas is rocketing past four bucks a gallon, food’s gotten so precious you’re eating more lettuce than meat, and you’ve already told the kids to forget those elite universities and instead plan to attend local community colleges while they scramble for fast food jobs. Don’t be […]
Also posted in Bowling Green, Charity, Dick Cavett, Floods, Indiana, Kentucky, Louisville, Obesity, Pauline Tabor, Prostitution, Western Kentucky University
Romancing Women during the Birth of Impressionism
My friend Higgins, the eternal bachelor, had been urging me to introduce him to some of the vibrant women in the current Birth of Impressionism show I curated at the De Young Museum in San Francisco’s lush Golden Gate Park. All right, I ultimately told him last week, come on over, park in the new […]
Also posted in Art, Edouard Manet, Impressionism, James McNeill Whistler, Museums, Painters, San Francisco
Thomas Eakins Gets Physical
I’m honored the renowned Los Angeles County Museum of Art is presenting a major exhibition of my work entitled “Manly Pursuits: The Sporting Images of Thomas Eakins.” With a substantial, though not entirely toxic, level of bitterness I must inform you that such recognition was rarely forthcoming during my lifetime, and then quite late in […]
Also posted in Art, Education, Homosexuals, LACMA, Museums, Painters, Philadelphia, Realism, Thomas Eakins
Islamic Conference
At annual Islamic Conference robed African imam declares indecently-dressed women cause atrocities and rape. When question and answer session arrives I write two inquiries on file card provided by man in Western suit: “Are you saying scantily-dressed women are asking to be raped? Don’t men have obligation to control themselves?” I worry imam will ignore […]
Also posted in George Thomas Clark, Islam, Religion, Women's Rights
Hypocrites Still Attacking Tiger Woods
I am honored today to speak for the greatest, most powerful and God-fearing creatures who have yet graced the earth, the white American male. For three months now we have been in the throes of moral outrage because Tiger Woods, after years of profitably portraying himself as a dedicated and monogamous family man, was revealed […]
Also posted in Golf, Marriage, Tiger Woods
Reversing Elin and Tiger Woods
Beautiful Elin Woods, the Athlete of the Decade and, perhaps more significantly, the most compelling entertainer on earth, remains in isolation and is quite depressed. One understands why. For thirteen years, until the early and dangerous hours after Thanksgiving Day, Elin had stridden the world’s golf courses as unrivalled queen, and her corporate dominance was […]
Also posted in Golf, Marriage, Tiger Woods
How Tiger Woods Should Respond
Until recent revelations of my weakness for young white female flesh, and the overwhelming moral outrage that followed, I thought in a sexual sense I was a relatively normal guy, that is one ready to squeeze any appealing woman who beckoned. Now, sadly, after reading countless rabid condemnations in the press and blogosphere and cringing […]
Also posted in Golf, Marriage, Tiger Woods
Management Teams Clarifies Adventures of Tiger Woods
Bulletins from TigerWoods.com Saturday November 28, 11:30 a.m. It is untrue that Tiger Woods is having an affair with a striking New York City celebrity chaser, Rachel Uchitel, and therefore it is a lie that his wife Elin attacked him for so doing. About 2:25 a.m. Friday November 27, after failing to properly digest turkey […]
Also posted in Golf, Marriage, Tiger Woods
David Carradine: 1936:2009
When friends and I gathered in the mid 1970s for marijuana-fueled TV watching, we usually tuned to football, basketball, and boxing. The only significant exceptions were episodes of Kung Fu, the legendary series in which Kwai Chang Caine, played by David Carradine, embraced the wise and soothing philosophies of Asian martial artists before he righteously, […]
Also posted in David Carradine, Movies
Muslim Fights Hypocrisy
I can’t tell you name or father and brothers might beat or shoot me. I’m indefinite because don’t think they’d succeed. I’m not like many Muslim women in Europe who pay plastic surgeons thousands to cut semicircles in vaginas and sew up with dissolving stitches to reestablish virginity, primitive standard of purity, so they can […]
Activist Demands Abstinence
As commander in chief of Parents For Abstinence I must at critical moment in our sexual history warn apocalypse is approaching but still can be stopped. Despite years of immorality and decadence by libidinous liberals, who have driven teen pregnancy rates highest among developed nations, we can regain righteousness and self-control. We can do so […]
Also posted in Conservatives, Religion, Republicans, Short Pieces - GTC
