Category Archives: Coronavirus

Obama Opens Fire

(Highlights from President Barack Obama’s speech in Philadelphia) Damn, I don’t know why I’ve spent four years denying myself the right of self-defense and the joy of counterstriking Donald Trump. The quaint old custom of saying little about presidential successors no longer applies because, quite simply, our liberty is under siege. I never thought Trump […]

Also posted in Barack Obama, Democracy, Fox News, Joe Biden, Kamala Harris

What God Wants

God Himself told the great Las Vegas pastor Denise Goulet that I’m the apple of His eye and He’s going to give me a second term. The Almighty knows if I weren’t in command of our coronavirus battle Anthony Fauci and his gang of epidemic idiots would’ve killed a million of us. Don’t worry, I’ve […]

Also posted in Anthony Fauci, Donald Trump, Hunter Biden, Joe Biden, Religion

The Comeback Kid

People really don’t talk enough about my spirit and determination but that’s changing because I destroyed my coronavirus and charged out of the hospital and am already standing on a White House balcony before several hundred packed but mostly-masked supporters and removing my mask to tell everyone I’m not contagious. I’m not exactly saying I’ve […]

Also posted in Donald Trump, Joe Biden

Breakdown Trump

I’m doing great and getting better every day but didn’t claim even to Sean Hannity that I’ve tested negative for the coronavirus. I know there was damn little of the virus in my system. There may have been none. I didn’t get into details with the doctors because Crazy Joe Biden as much as admitted […]

Also posted in Donald Trump, Gretchen Whitmer, Joe Biden, Kamala Harris, Mike Pence, Sean Hannity

Triumphant Return

Timidly, Dr. Sean Conley approaches President Trump at Walter Reed, stands at attention, holds a tight salute, and says, “Sir, you really should stay a few more days. Your progress here has been remarkable.” “It certainly has,” says Trump. “You have a dynamite team, and you’ve been treating a rare specimen. I feel better than […]

Also posted in Benito Mussolini, Donald Trump, Ethiopia, Joe Biden

Calling Home

Excited as a Little Leaguer who just hit the winning grand slam, President Trump dances into his office at Walter Reed, strokes the screen for his cell phone contacts, and touches: Melania. “Can’t wait,” he says to a couple of secret service agents pressing their backs against the far wall. The phone keeps ringing. “Would’ve […]

Also posted in Donald Trump, Joe Biden, Melania Trump

Tweets from Walter Reed

Don’t worry. I bet you know. I’m already feeling great Sunday and tweeting up a storm from my makeshift executive office in Walter Reed National Military Medical Center. Look at my latest tweet, just seconds ago, “US election poll: Trump BEATING Biden despite being in hospital with covid.” This comes from an important British monthly […]

Also posted in Chris Christie, Donald Trump, Joe Biden, Kellyanne Conway, Melania Trump

Get Well Soon

I dial the special number direct to a White House communications officer who promptly rings the Oval Office phone of the president. “President Trump, this is Tom Clark. How are you doing?” “Tom who?” asks Trump. “Clark.” “I’ve barely heard of you and don’t like what you write about me. I’d rather hear from Tom […]

Also posted in Donald Trump, George Thomas Clark, Hope Hicks, Joe Biden, Melania Trump

Stand Back and Stand By

Donald Trump is not only the greatest president, economics wizard, and strategic thinker we’ve ever had, he’s by far the finest debater. Trump would have hogtied Abraham Lincoln and shouted him down every time he opened his bearded mouth. Joe Biden, no Lincoln even before senility eroded Crazy Joe’s modest gifts, is in even bigger […]

Also posted in Amy Coney Barrett, Chris Wallace, Donald Trump, Economics, Environment, Joe Biden, Racism, Ruth Bader Ginsburg, Supreme Court

Trust Me

Have I ever lied to you? I’m the most honest man in the world and guarantee new vaccines I’m working on are safe and effective and will soon be available, probably before election day. I’ve just got to keep kicking the asses of lazy scientists and CDC bureaucrats so they stop slowing things down. I’m […]

Also posted in Cars & Driving, Crime, Donald Trump, Immigration, Joe Biden, Poverty

Soaring in Michigan

We’re not afraid in Michigan. We’re thrilled to be jammed into this wonderful airplane hangar, and behind me you’re inspired by the beauty and power of Air Force One which you’ll never forget seeing today. You’re not going to ruin this experience by wearing masks. You’ve already forgotten what I told Bob Woodward months ago. […]

Also posted in Donald Trump, Gretchen Whitmer, Michigan

Virus on Tape

I’m the leader. I can’t be jumping all over the place. That’s what I told Bob Woodward months ago during recorded interviews. I knew the coronavirus was more dangerous than first suspected and often transmitted by air. I did a great job fighting it or we’d have two million more deaths. I didn’t want to […]

Also posted in Bob Woodward, Donald Trump

Operation Warp Speed

thank god president trump who had been pretty corona slow is now speed of light in ordering federal government to tell states be prepared to distribute safe and effective vaccine by november first and not to worry date politically motivated

Also posted in Donald Trump

Trump Accepts Nomination

How about this backdrop? The White House lit up at night, baby. While Joe Biden hides in his basement, I’m addressing you in front of the world’s greatest home, where I’ve lived four years and will reside four more maybe even eight. Thanks to my gorgeous daughter Ivanka for introducing me. Isn’t she fantastic? I’ve […]

Also posted in Abortion, China, Donald Trump, Economics, Iran, Joe Biden, Nuclear Weapons, Taxes

Postmaster Trump

I’m not going to let Democrats use the United States Postal Service to steal the election. We all know they’re claiming the China Virus is so dangerous that people can’t safely go to the polls. Listen, I already offered to postpone the election until my scientists develop a vaccine, and that won’t be long, but […]

Also posted in Donald Trump, Fat Donald, Joe Biden, United States Postal Service

Defender of Democracy

china virus hitting us hard despite my great efforts we better postpone election until we can safely vote instead of mailing in most fraudulent ballots in history

Also posted in Campaign 2020, Donald Trump, Joe Biden

Trump and Fauci in Private

Hooded and handcuffed, Dr. Anthony Fauci is hustled into a dimly lit interior White House room where President Trump dismisses two secret service agents and rips off the little man’s hood, saying, “We’re gonna talk.” “Okay, fine, Mr. President. But how about removing these handcuffs?” “Things are going the wrong way fast.” “I’m thankful you […]

Also posted in Anthony Fauci, Donald Trump, Europe, France, Italy, Korea, Spain

Mask Monitor

a month ago twenty percent wore masks at the market two weeks ago half the people wore masks last night eighty percent a trend that prompts this rhetorical question as infections increase will authorities really open schools soon

Also posted in Donald Trump, Education

Trump Worsens Pandemic

Trump has recently worsened the pandemic by summoning unmasked followers to rallies in Oklahoma, Arizona, and at Mt. Rushmore. These people are his victims yet often say that wearing masks is a “hoax.” Isn’t that ironic? The hoax is the lying fat man who stands next to the beautiful lady on the White House terrace, […]

Also posted in Campaign 2020, Donald Trump, George Thomas Clark Podcast

The Trump Virus

people mock me by wearing masks so unnecessary since i’ve got coronavirus under control i’m not worried by reports new cases are highest since april that’s gotta be fake news

Also posted in Donald Trump

Triumph in Tulsa

No need to mention there are a helluva lot of empty seats in the upper deck of the Tulsa arena but I do hint by saying some bad people attacked our town tonight. Or, I’m thinking, maybe some tough Tulsans believe Democrat propaganda this county has the highest number of coronavirus cases in Oklahoma and […]

Also posted in Campaign 2020, Donald Trump, George Washington, Jay Inslee, Jefferson Davis, Joe Biden, Portugal, Robert E. Lee, Seattle, Thomas Jefferson, Tulsa

Bare Faces

may be coincidence we’re fat and uneducated but we hate wearing masks and don’t shop at stores that require them

Also posted in Donald Trump

Trump Unmasked

i wasn’t making fun of biden and his wife for wearing masks why would i ever do that i just don’t like wearing them especially in public

Also posted in Donald Trump, Joe Biden

Church of Trump

we need prayer i pray five times a day and know we must reopen our churches today and am baffled some worshipers aren’t jumping right in

Also posted in Donald Trump, Religion

Online Doctor

She needs to see her doctor and for days has been anxious for their meeting tomorrow. Thank goodness. There’s the text confirmation from his office. All she needs to do is reply yes. But this text is highlighted in drab green and states: Due to COVID-19 precautions, we will email you a link tomorrow to […]

Also posted in Donald Trump, Mental Health

Doctor Gonzo

my big scientific brain just saved the world let’s inject pour inhale disinfectants into your system to kill coronavirus

Also posted in Donald Trump


I didn’t write it. I’m just passing it along. Our great Republican candidate for Congress, DeAnna Lorraine, who got two percent of the vote against Nancy Pelosi, tweeted that irritating Anthony Fauci shouldn’t claim I caused loss of lives by not listening to medical experts. In fact, Lorraine noted, Fauci on February twenty-ninth told the […]

Also posted in Anthony Fauci, Donald Trump

Fauci Under Watters

Quit paying so much attention to what Dr. Anthony Fauci says about the coronavirus. Get your information from clever commentator Jesse Watters of fair and balanced Fox News. He on air asks Fauci, could you have done anything differently than a full-scale national shutdown, like letting those forty-five and under work and have everyone wear […]

Also posted in Anthony Fauci, Donald Trump, Fox News

Points by Joe Six Pack

Liberals and other weaklings are destroying our country with this extreme and shortsighted lockdown. We conservatives have got to reestablish order. We do that by keeping in mind and acting on what President Trump and Rush Limbaugh and Fox News commentators and other patriotic geniuses tell us. First, remember that most of these poor people […]

Also posted in Donald Trump, Fox News, France, Italy, Joe Six Pack, Rush Limbaugh, Spain

George Thomas Clark Podcast #4 – Coronavirus Count

Tom comments about persistent efforts on the right to portray the coronavirus as something less than a pandemic getting more dangerous every day. Click here to listen on your favorite digital platform Listen on YouTube

Also posted in Donald Trump, France, George Thomas Clark Podcast, Italy, Rush Limbaugh

Corona Carrier

I fly to Guam and march onto the aircraft carrier USS Theodore Roosevelt and over the radio tell almost five thousand crew members this is Navy Secretary Thomas Modly and I’m tired of your complaining about the coronavirus spreading on board and infecting more than one hundred seventy of you who have a mission and […]

Also posted in aircraft carriers, Donald Trump, Guam, Navy, Nuclear Weapons

Enlightened Governor

I’m jumping on board right quick with other Republican governors and shutting down lots of stuff in my state since I learned some “game changing” information about the coronavirus. “We didn’t know until the last twenty-four hours” that this ungodly virus “is now transmitting before people see signs.” Liberals are saying they knew all along. […]

Also posted in Brian Kemp, Donald Trump, Georgia, Stacey Abrams

Question for China

is it true crematoriums in wuhan have been much more active recently

Also posted in China, Donald Trump, Wuhan, Xi Jinping

Solemn Trump

okay this isn’t a hoax stay home easter and all of april and pray a quarter million of us don’t die

Also posted in Donald Trump

George Thomas Clark Podcast #1 – Emergency Computer Service

We launched the George Thomas Clark Podcast #1 with a discussion of the coronavirus, which sent Tyler Derosier to many businesses for tech support working at home. We also talked about his work as a book designer and his three years of living in Alaska. Click here to listen on your favorite digital platform Listen […]

Also posted in Alaska, Books, George Thomas Clark, George Thomas Clark Podcast, Tyler Derosier

Letter to Jeff Bezos

Dear Jeff, I hope this letter finds you in good health, and want to tell you I’ve been an avid buyer of Amazon literary products for many years. However, despite my love of the Kindle reader, which stores hundreds of electronic books and permits instant adjustment of lighting and type size and the spontaneous purchase […]

Also posted in Amazon.com, Billionaires, Donald Trump, Jeff Bezos, Kindle

I Surrender

I’d like to apologize to President Trump though I realize he’s too great and busy to notice or care what people like me think. I’m now in the minority. The majority of Americans, according to recent polls, believe the president is doing a fine job managing the coronavirus pandemic. I guess the majority is impressed […]

Also posted in Donald Trump

Asking China

how many infections and deaths do you really have

Also posted in China, Donald Trump

Easter Sunday

pack those churches long as trump and clan in middle of congregation

Also posted in Donald Trump

Trump to the Rescue

Come on. Admit it. You’re happy Dr. Anthony Fauci, the celebrity expert about pandemics, isn’t on stage with me today. He’s a little guy, just a squirt, and I think people are getting irritated he always talks about medicine and ignores human pain caused by the shutdown that’s starting to ruin my great economy. Fauci […]

Also posted in Anthony Fauci, Donald Trump, Fox News

What It Is

watching people die italian doctors warn it isn’t the flu it’s like chronic pneumonia coming your way

Also posted in Donald Trump, Italy

Cruising with Joe Six Pack

“I don’t get it,” I tell a waitress. “If it’s safe to go into a restaurant and pick up food, why can’t I sit here and chat a while.” “You should be ashamed,” she says. “Quarantining is our only tool to shut down the coronavirus. If we let customers sit around here, instead of going […]

Also posted in Anthony Fauci, Donald Trump, Joe Six Pack

Spanish Influenza Review

As you grumble quarantined in carpeted homes equipped with flat screens and computers, and wait in lines outside markets to learn there’s no more toilet paper or hand sanitizer, remember a far deadlier pandemic. Good morning Spanish influenza says entering healthy young adult hearts pumping lungs fatally full of fluid by that evening or next. […]

Also posted in Donald Trump, Influenza

Coronavirus Count

month ago south korea had four hundred cases now has nine thousand month ago iran had six deaths now has sixteen hundred last week Italy had a couple thousand deaths now has five thousand

Also posted in Donald Trump, Influenza, Iran, Italy, Korea

Bernie Announces

Don’t try to talk to me unless you’re wearing a surgical mask. I wouldn’t hear you then and don’t want to now. I don’t care I lost Florida by forty points and also got hosed in Illinois and Arizona and now trail Joe Biden by three hundred delegates. That’s irrelevant. What do you mean what […]

Also posted in Bernie Sanders, Donald Trump, Economics, Employment, Joe Biden

Pandemic Irritates Joe Six Pack

I still think liberals may be scheming with the Chinese to blame the coronavirus on President Trump but since he seems to be taking it pretty serious now I guess I better try to do the same. But I’m only going so far. No way am I staying home when a kickass movie’s playing or […]

Also posted in China, Donald Trump, Joe Six Pack

The Coronavirus, Campaign 2020 – Tom & Jesse Podcast #5

In our fifth podcast, Jesse Portillo and I discuss the latest developments in the coronavirus, our impressions of Cuba – twenty years apart – Joe Biden’s electoral surge in the Democratic presidential primary, and Bernie Sanders’ next moves. Click here to listen

Also posted in Bernie Sanders, Cuba, Donald Trump, George Thomas Clark, Joe Biden

Trump Attacks Coronavirus

Stated and unstated highlights from President Trump’s solemn address to the nation. I don’t remember saying the coronavirus would soon be down to two cases or maybe one in the United States. That’s just natural optimism based on my having already marshalled “the full power of the federal government and the private sector to protect […]

Also posted in Barack Obama, China, Donald Trump, Europe, Korea

Doctor Pence

I’d like to thank the greatest man on earth, President Donald Trump, for putting me in charge of the battle against the coronavirus. He picked the right guy. Before becoming vice president, as governor of Indiana, I stamped out an HIV epidemic by authorizing needle exchanges in Scott County. I hadn’t wanted to permit that […]

Also posted in Donald Trump, Mike Pence