Russia
Putin Fights Fascists in Ukraine
It is my duty to speak and my nature to lead. Russians and all others respect the most fearsome martial artist who’s ever guided any nation and the special friend of a sensuous young woman. I bring strength, insight, and animal appeal into any environment I grace. Right now, more than ever, my stage is…
Read MoreMayor Klitschko’s Successes
I didn’t worry about ragged furniture in my office at Kiev City Hall. The city looked much worse as unemployment rose, wages fell, our till stood empty, protestors lived in tents a hundred meters from my office, and Russian troops mobilized on our eastern border. The big bears intended to convince all Ukrainians, and especially…
Read MorePutin Grieves for Odessa
Quit denouncing Russia and listen to those more knowledgeable who explain the corrupt regime in Ukraine criminally seized power. Understand that I will not much longer permit atrocities against my people. Accept that I have sufficient troops ready to protect the innocent. Admit you can’t stop me. Ask yourself why you would want to. Note…
Read MorePutin Writes Kerry
To John Kerry Secretary of State Dear Secretary Kerry, Worry not about the Russian army I don’t want to unleash but beware of me if you keep accusing us of agitating in eastern Ukraine. I may ultimately treat you like a gangly puppet on a loose string. Keep your bad breath out of our faces.…
Read MoreNikita Khrushchev Explains
Don’t blame me Vladimir Putin’s grabbing the Crimea sixty years after I bestowed that lovely peninsula on Ukraine, the great Russian Breadbasket where I’d forged my political career and found a bride. Listen to my son, Sergei. He’s a wizard in computers and missiles and holds multiple advanced degrees and teaches at Brown University and…
Read MoreCrimean Anschluss
Be assured: if I, instead of slumbering Stalin, had been running Russia in 1941, the Germans wouldn’t have attacked and mauled us because I would’ve already smashed them. I understand what’s necessary. We must keep enemies away from our frontiers. The United States and its European mercenaries will not be allowed to surround us with…
Read MoreVladimir Putin Attacks
The United States is shaking while all of Europe trembles. They know they can’t stop me. No one can. I’m master politician black belt in judo and consummate stud who took down sacrilegious female rockers Pussy Riot and sent them to jail same place many other critics spend years contemplating dangers of contradicting their leader…
Read MoreLast Bodyguard
I study painting like young Fuehrer but as he did abandon studio to protect Fatherland. Stalin’s hordes are occupying other half of Poland in 1939 when someone shoots me in chest. Go home, superiors say. No, I can still serve. They agree and I soon earn introduction to Fuehrer who speaks politely and allows me…
Read MoreEmpty Boots
On massive foundation in Budapest park great Hungarian patriots erected me twenty-five feet high in bronze to celebrate seventieth birthday and thank for destroying Nazis. Only few years after I departed imperialists threw steel ropes around neck, burned legs with blow torches, and pulled body down to desecrate face beneath empty boots.
Read MoreWater Polo War
After Russians trampled Hungary in fifty-six, victims got better matchup in summer Olympics as Red Army entered water polo pool minus tanks and planes. Reports pool turned red are exaggerated, water only pink as Hungary won this war four zip.
Read MoreVladimir Putin Suppresses Pussy Riot
My Gods are no longer Lenin and Stalin and beautiful communist colossus crumbling during greatest geopolitical disaster of Twentieth Century. Higher power now is Russian Orthodox Church which supports me and ongoing recovery of nation I have rebuilt and led for many years and, God willing, will lead many more. It has thus been sacred…
Read MoreGay Moscow
moscow bans gay parades hundred years when president putin will lead procession
Read MoreWorld According to Americans
Don’t know if they were godless communists or radical Muslims but some outrageous critters emailed world map insulting Americans. On map they write we think Canada’s uninhabited. Bull feathers. We know few icy people live up there, and they sure as hell want to be like Alaska next door, which is now America except for…
Read MoreBerlin Wall Bones
under berlin wall rats chewed bones of lenin and stalin
Read MoreDear Leader Vladimir Putin
i look like sinister kgb chief yet charm russians as masculine action man judo throwing men over my hip horseback riding bare chest muscles bright in sun hunting and fishing russians know my leadership saved from chaos following biggest geopolitical disaster twentieth century crumbling soviet union i established order led economic boom and denounced united…
Read MoreFrom Hungary to Hollywood with Actress and Filmmaker Klaudia Kovacs
On a cold and windy late afternoon in Tehachapi, as light mountain rain pricks my bare arms, I hustle inside Beekay Theater to see the annual Playwright’s Festival, nine ten-minute plays created, produced, directed, and acted by local talent. Ordinarily, Los Angeles induces theatrical binges but I’m intrigued by a newspaper paragraph noting “Bill and…
Read MoreWater Polo War
after russians trampled hungary in ‘fifty-six victims got better matchup in summer olympics red army entered water polo pool minus tanks and planes reports pool turned red exaggerated water only pink and hungary won this war four zip
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