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Category Archives: Guatemala

Trump Visits Elijah Cummings

Donald Trump squeezes his Oval Office phone and calls secret service agents, ordering them to ready several black beasts for an executive motorcade to nearby Baltimore. After entering the city limits they begin passing old buildings marred by broken or boarded windows and piles of trash outside. “Look how they live,” says Trump. “Disgusting. Get […]

Also posted in Baltimore, Crime, Donald Trump, El Salvador, Elijah Cummings, Honduras, Immigration, Murder, Poverty, Racism

Guardian Trump

After ducking big rocks, my brave forces weren’t firing tear gas and rubber bullets at women and children charging my beautiful concertina-wire border. They were stopping hordes of invaders, mostly adult males, who would destroy the paradise that we European Americans have created. I made the truth clear. I’ll close the whole border with Mexico. […]

Also posted in Donald Trump, El Salvador, Honduras, Immigration, John F. Kennedy, Lyndon Johnson, Mexico, Richard Nixon, Ronald Reagan

Lopez Obrador Calls Trump

(This morning President-elect Lopez Obrador of Mexico called President Trump. On a third line I served as translator.) Andres Manuel Lopez Obrador – President Trump, please don’t do anything rash before we’ve had time to meet. Donald Trump – Thanks for calling but let’s keep in mind you’re not the president yet and won’t be […]

Also posted in Andres Manuel Lopez Obrador, Donald Trump, El Salvador, Honduras, Immigration, Mexico

Stop That Caravan

(Last night I visited the White House to talk to President Trump about immigration. He offered ten minutes and demanded I not ask him about Saudi Arabia. I agreed.) Donald Trump – You’ve read my tweets. Everybody reads them. There’s a caravan of four thousand migrant criminals from Honduras, El Salvador, and Guatemala headed this […]

Also posted in Barack Obama, Donald Trump, El Salvador, Honduras, Immigration, Mexico, Saudi Arabia