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Category Archives: Mike Pompeo

Trump Analyzes First Debate

I’m busy defending freedom and building the greatest economy ever but know you’ll be fascinated by my opinions of the communist party’s first presidential debate. They have twenty stooges running, and ten are standing on stage tonight. Wait, is Julian Castro standing? He’s even shorter than schoolmarm Elizabeth Warren. The guy ought to wear high […]

Also posted in Campaign 2020, Cory Booker, Donald Trump, Elizabeth Warren, John Bolton, Julian Castro, Tulsi Gabbard

Inside the Hanoi Summit

We’re sitting at a long polished wooden table decorated down the middle by small bouquets of flowers dividing Chairman Kim Jong Un and his staff from me and mine. I sense my brilliance and boldness will soon be needed. Eleven presidents who preceded me had sixty-five years to bring real peace to the Korean Peninsula […]

Also posted in Donald Trump, Hanoi, Iran, Iraq, Kim Jong-Un, Korea, Nuclear Weapons, Russia, Vietnam, Vladimir Putin

Dining with Kim Jong Un

Chairman Kim and I have dinner Wednesday night in Hanoi at the Metropole Hotel where outside lights give the place a golden look I like at night. It’s a decent five-star hotel, with rooms starting at about three hundred thirty, but not a Trump-caliber place. That’s okay, though. I think Chairman Kim will be comfortable […]

Also posted in Donald Trump, Hanoi, Jose Abeto Zaide, Kim Jong-Un, Kim Yong Chol, Korea, Korean War, Nuclear Weapons

Mike Pompeo Preaches in Cairo

(Highlights from the recent Cairo speech by Secretary of State Mike Pompeo) I’m always eager to visit Egypt, a land I know so well, and am especially happy this time because I’m an evangelical Christian arriving soon after the Coptic Church celebrated Christmas here in beautiful Cairo. “We are all children of Abraham: Christians, Muslims, […]

Also posted in Barack Obama, Bashar al-Assad, Donald Trump, Egypt, Iran, Iraq, Middle East, Saudi Arabia, Syria, Yemen

Smiling in Saudi Arabia

I love being Mike Pompeo because, as secretary of state, I get lots of exciting jobs. Today I’m in Saudi Arabia with young Crown Prince Mohammed bin Salman. We’re two husky fellows – don’t call us fat – and we’re very happy and smiling big. We really like each other and we love each other’s […]

Also posted in Donald Trump, Iran, Istanbul, Jamal Khashoggi, Mohammed bin Salman, Saudi Arabia, Turkey, Yemen

Kim Calls Vladimir Putin

Today, in my secret laboratory, I’m listening in stereophonic sound as Kim Jong Un speaks into a phone and says, “Congratulations on your meeting with Donald Trump.” “Thank you, Chairman Kim,” says Vladimir Putin. “Trump and I communicated quite well, and he’s already invited me to visit him.” “He’s quite eager to be to be […]

Also posted in Donald Trump, Kim Jong-Un, Kim Yong Chol, Korea, Nuclear Weapons, Russia, Vladamir Putin

Misperceptions in North Korea

mike pompeo says wish i’d met with kim jong un this trip but north koreans still negotiated in good faith and we made significant progress toward denuclearization north korea says u.s. betrayed singapore spirit making unilateral and gangster-like demands for denuclearization just like trump’s cancerous predecessors

Also posted in Donald Trump, Kim Jong-Un, Korea, Nuclear Weapons

Kim Jong Un in Singapore

This evening as I stroll through beautiful grounds of a Singaporean resort people are cheering and squealing like I’m a rock star. This is certainly a good sign for my meeting tomorrow with President Donald Trump. I know he loves stars and winners. The summit begins as the president and I march to each other […]

Also posted in Donald Trump, John Bolton, Kim Jong-Un, Korea, Moon Jae-in, Nuclear Weapons, Singapore

Kim Yong Chol in New York

In a Chinese airliner I fly to New York where atop a beautiful skyscraper my aide and I are dining with Secretary of State Mike Pompeo and Andrew Kim, America’s purported expert in all matters North Korean and a man whose real name isn’t Andrew Kim. As my nation’s preeminent intelligence and security expert, and […]

Also posted in Donald Trump, John Bolton, Jose Abeto Zaide, Kim Jong-Un, Kim Yong Chol, Korea, Nuclear Weapons

Ayatollah Khomeini Debates the Shah of Iran

I’m writing this commentary in French, the most sublime language, from my Parisian penthouse where I’ve been ruminating for almost forty years. I assure you I remain a most formidable leader and lover, and am primed to educate you about what is happening to Iran. Don’t you wish I, instead of radical and incompetent theocrats, […]

Also posted in Ayatollah Khomeini, Donald Trump, George Thomas Clark, Iran, Iraq, Israel, Jose Abeto Zaide, King Donald, Nuclear Weapons, Syria

Calling Rex Tillerson

Listen, I already told you all I’m not going to let anyone damage this smooth-running administration by forcing me to admit I called Donald Trump a moron. I have great respect and affection for the president, and hope he feels the same about me. It’s my duty to tell him the Iran nuclear deal is […]

Also posted in Donald Trump, Kim Jong-Un, Korea, Rex Tillerson

Heart of Trump

For a year and a half I’ve been disturbed by what Donald Trump’s been saying, and since his Electoral College victory over Hillary Clinton I’ve at times been mortified by his hot pie hole and big tweeter. Only this week have I learned, from Kellyanne Conway, that I shouldn’t have believed what he said, I […]

Also posted in Donald Trump, James Mattis, Rex Tillerson, Russia, Vladamir Putin