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Category Archives: Nuclear Weapons

James Mattis Writes to Trump

Dear Mr. President, You have the right to a secretary of defense who, like you, does not understand that “our strength as a nation is inextricably linked to the strength of our unique and comprehensive system of alliances.” You have the right, no matter how shortsighted and crude, to disrespect and even insult our traditional […]

Also posted in China, Donald Trump, Europe, James Mattis, Korea, Russia

Strategic Nuclear Trump

I know so much more than my generals I can’t remember all the areas where I’m superior but I sure understand way more about nuclear weapons and how to deal with Iran and North Korea. You probably heard I’ve been choking Iran with sanctions, especially after I bailed out of that horrible nuclear deal. I […]

Also posted in Donald Trump, Iran, Kim Jong-Un, Korea

Everyone’s Crazy

We’re all lucky Trump enters politics and tells us Barack Obama was born in Kenya and is quite different and ruining the country with Obamacare and debt and Bill Clinton’s a sexual predator and we should lock up Crooked Hillary and that CNN and others are fake news, look right over there he points at […]

Also posted in Barack Obama, Bill Clinton, Brett Kavanaugh, China, Donald Trump, George Soros, Hillary Clinton, Iran, Maxine Waters, Russia

Letter to Mohammed bin Salman

Mohammed, I’m not going to address you as Crown Prince since, like many, I don’t recognize the legitimacy of those who inherit political power unless, as in the case of Kim Jong Un, they’re armed with nuclear weapons. You, Mohammed, have doubtless been quite busy lately, planning or at least overseeing an operation to privately […]

Also posted in Iran, Jamal Khashoggi, Kim Jong-Un, Korea, Mohammed bin Salman, Saudi Arabia

U.N. Comedian

Standing hefty and happy before the United Nations General Assembly, President Trump says his administration accomplished more in two years than almost any other in our history, evoking much laughter Trump says he didn’t expect. But that’s okay, he’s proud to be an engaging fellow who warns that Iran is a brutal and corrupt regime […]

Also posted in Donald Trump, Iran, United Nations

General MacArthur Revisits North Korea

I returned to the Philippines and even returned to the United States after an absence of fourteen years. But, regretfully, I have yet to return to Korea. I saved the Korean people, you’re no doubt aware. Communist hordes from the north, materially aided by the Chinese and Russians, invaded south and almost swept our disorganized […]

Also posted in Donald Trump, Douglas MacArthur, Harry Truman, Hiroshima, Kim Jong-Un, Korea, Korean War, Nagasaki

Trump Reimposes Sanctions

Good morning, America. I stand tall and tough before you to announce I’m reimposing nuclear-related sanctions against Iran. These sanctions had been lifted by the Obama administration and other misguided leaders in Russia, China, Germany, France, Great Britain, and the European Union. Unlike me, they did not realize the Joint Comprehensive Plan of Action is […]

Also posted in China, Donald Trump, England, France, Germany, Iran, Russia

Joe Six Pack Reports

I’m excited looking at an email from Team Trump. They need our participation “because we’re close enough to change everything.” And we have to. “Illegal voting in the United States wreaks havoc with elections. Every election… it seems we rarely get our candidates elected.” Damn right “it’s time we do something about this.” Team Trump […]

Also posted in Barack Obama, Donald Trump, Economics, Employment, George W. Bush, Guns, Immigration, Iran, Korea, Mexico, Michael Cohen, Robert Mueller, Russia, Stock Market, Vladimir Putin

Trump Caps Rouhani

President Trump’s not screaming. He hopes he isn’t or someone may hear. He’s just having another bad dream. Maybe he wouldn’t have so many if he weren’t so damn lonely. Only losers are lonely. He’s a winner so that can’t be the problem. He’s just under a lot of stress. He starts to relax but […]

Also posted in Donald Trump, Hassan Rouhani, Iran, Kim Jong-Un, Korea

Kim Calls Vladimir Putin

Today, in my secret laboratory, I’m listening in stereophonic sound as Kim Jong Un speaks into a phone and says, “Congratulations on your meeting with Donald Trump.” “Thank you, Chairman Kim,” says Vladimir Putin. “Trump and I communicated quite well, and he’s already invited me to visit him.” “He’s quite eager to be to be […]

Also posted in Donald Trump, Kim Jong-Un, Kim Yong Chol, Korea, Mike Pompeo, Russia, Vladamir Putin

Trump’s Astonishing Offer

I hope you heard when I recently referred to myself as a genius. You know I am or I wouldn’t have gotten elected and then created millions of jobs and eliminated the danger of nuclear war and done many other great things. But many of you, especially Democrats, are having trouble following my recent moves […]

Also posted in Donald Trump, Joseph Stalin, Montenegro, NATO, Russia, Vladamir Putin

Stalin Summons Trump

This is entirely unfair. While I had to fight that ruthless bastard Adolf Hitler and form an alliance with shrewd but treacherous capitalists Franklin Roosevelt and Winston Churchill, my most celebrated successor, Vladimir Putin, is blessed with a world in which his strongest adversary, Donald Trump, isn’t really his enemy but his most ardent admirer. […]

Also posted in Adolf Hitler, Barack Obama, Donald Trump, Iran, Iraq, Joseph Stalin, Korea, Soviet Union, Ukraine

Misperceptions in North Korea

mike pompeo says wish i’d met with kim jong un this trip but north koreans still negotiated in good faith and we made significant progress toward denuclearization north korea says u.s. betrayed singapore spirit making unilateral and gangster-like demands for denuclearization just like trump’s cancerous predecessors

Also posted in Donald Trump, Kim Jong-Un, Korea, Mike Pompeo

Kim Debates Himself

Three days after his triumphant return from Singapore, Kim Jong Un visits his dentist’s office for cleaning and a checkup. Under the glare of three security agents the dentist lifts a syringe, smiles, and says, “Just a little Novocain.” “Why Novocain for cleaning?” says one of the tough guys. “The Dear Leader usually has some […]

Also posted in Benito Mussolini, Donald Trump, Kim Jong-Un, Korea, Libya, Methamphetamine, Muammar Gaddafi

Trump after Singapore

You’d think everyone would be congratulating me about the most extraordinary diplomatic breakthrough in decades, but some aren’t. They’re complaining I conferred legitimacy on a murderous dictator. In fact, I got off my presidential ass, unlike all my predecessors, and traveled thousands of miles to talk to a guy who has lots of nuclear weapons […]

Also posted in Donald Trump, Kim Jong-Un, Korea, Singapore

Fat Kim

ignore lies forty percent north koreans malnourished they all love my big belly

Also posted in Donald Trump, Kim Jong-Un, Korea

Kim Jong Un in Singapore

This evening as I stroll through beautiful grounds of a Singaporean resort people are cheering and squealing like I’m a rock star. This is certainly a good sign for my meeting tomorrow with President Donald Trump. I know he loves stars and winners. The summit begins as the president and I march to each other […]

Also posted in Donald Trump, John Bolton, Kim Jong-Un, Korea, Mike Pompeo, Moon Jae-in, Singapore

Trump Arrives in Singapore

It’s a great honor to participate in the summit meeting with Kim Jong Un, and I’m proud to be the man who made this happen. I really feel like a statesman now. I’m more mature and modest as a leader responsible for the lives of countless millions of people not only in the United States […]

Also posted in Donald Trump, John Bolton, Kim Jong-Un, Korean War, Singapore

Trump Gets Ready

don’t really need to prepare much for kim jong un just gonna keep massaging my balls

Also posted in Donald Trump, Kim Jong-Un, Korea

Kim Yong Chol in New York

In a Chinese airliner I fly to New York where atop a beautiful skyscraper my aide and I are dining with Secretary of State Mike Pompeo and Andrew Kim, America’s purported expert in all matters North Korean and a man whose real name isn’t Andrew Kim. As my nation’s preeminent intelligence and security expert, and […]

Also posted in Donald Trump, John Bolton, Jose Abeto Zaide, Kim Jong-Un, Kim Yong Chol, Korea, Mike Pompeo

Ayatollah Khomeini Debates the Shah of Iran

I’m writing this commentary in French, the most sublime language, from my Parisian penthouse where I’ve been ruminating for almost forty years. I assure you I remain a most formidable leader and lover, and am primed to educate you about what is happening to Iran. Don’t you wish I, instead of radical and incompetent theocrats, […]

Also posted in Ayatollah Khomeini, Donald Trump, George Thomas Clark, Iran, Iraq, Israel, Jose Abeto Zaide, King Donald, Mike Pompeo, Syria

Trump Cancels Kim

kim said he understood our around-his-neck nuclear exercises with south korea and i explained john bolton’s gaddafi-model gaffe applied to kim’s nukes not his head he’s got to settle down so someday we can actually meet

Also posted in Donald Trump, John Bolton, Kim Jong-Un, Korea, Libya, Muammar Gaddafi

Trump Diplomacy B

i’m telling iran stick to nuclear agreement i voided or i’ll attack

Also posted in Donald Trump, Iran

Trump Diplomacy A

i’m going to tell kim jong un denuclearize right away or i’ll attack

Also posted in Donald Trump, John Bolton, Kim Jong-Un, Korea

Nobel Delay

I’d never say it, but almost everyone else is: President Trump’s a lock for the Nobel Peace Prize. Obviously, I agree. None of my timid predecessors could have brought Kim Jong Un running to the peace table. Only my threats of unprecedented death and destruction have made peace possible. I’m not worried Kim threatened to […]

Also posted in Donald Trump, Iran, John Bolton, Kim Jong-Un, Korea, Nobel Prize

John Bolton Advises Trump

(This conversation was recorded by trusted contacts in the National Security Agency) “I alone have made this historical decision,” said Donald Trump. “Please remember, Mr. President, we do need excuses.” He moves behind his desk in the Oval Office and plants himself. “What excuses could we use?” “The same ones I recommended in the National […]

Also posted in Donald Trump, Iran, Israel, John Bolton, Russia, Syria

Trumping Iran

No, wise guy, I’m not sitting on the can but an executive chair at a presidential table in the White House and am appropriately stern but proud as I sign the Presidential Memorandum announcing the United States will violate the Joint Comprehensive Plan of Action in order to prevent Iran, the most terroristic nation on […]

Also posted in Barack Obama, Donald Trump, England, France, Germany, Iran, John Bolton, Russia

Trump Nuclear Strategy

we need more long and intermediate range nukes so what russia will also make more we’ll make more than their more and be on top

Also posted in Donald Trump, Russia, START, Vladimir Putin

Nobel Trump

people ask what i had to with north’s korea’s improved behavior and offer to meet at summit my answer’s simple everything now it’s almost cinch i’ll win nobel peace prize and if i don’t blame kim jong un

Also posted in Donald Trump, Kim Jong-Un, Korea

At the Border

kim jong un walked south across the border kim jae-in walked north across the border and both returned south to discuss making korea nuclear-free and they lived quite happily until real negotiations began

Also posted in Donald Trump, Kim Jong-Un, Korea, Moon Jae-in

Korean Melody

k-pop pretty singers travel north after concert lips tight for kim jong un

Also posted in Kim Jong-Un, Korea, Music

James Mattis Moderates John Bolton

Dr. Harrison didn’t get drunk on fine wines at the party for powerbrokers in Washington, D.C. that recent night but did consume enough to hand the keys to his wife, after only brief debate, and rode shotgun, singing his alma mater’s fight song. At home he again acceded in gentlemanly fashion and, still clothed except […]

Also posted in Bashar al-Assad, Chemical Weapons, Donald Trump, Iran, Iraq, James Mattis, John Bolton, Kim Jong-Un, Korea, Syria

Stalin Assesses Syria

I love my giant TV in the sky and hotlines to hell where you still dwell. No longer do I have to worry about the deadly schemes of millions of enemies internal and external and my stressful duty of arresting, torturing, and slaughtering them. Those tasks now fall to others, in many nations, and I’m […]

Also posted in Bashar al-Assad, Donald Trump, James Mattis, Jose Abeto Zaide, Joseph Stalin, Missiles, Russia, Syria, Timber Sycamore, Vlade Divac

China Pressures North Korea

(These secret communiques between President Kim Jong Un and President Xi Jinping were intercepted and assembled in March 2018 by the intelligence agencies of the United States and South Korea, and released early this morning.) Kim Jong Un – Mr. President, you’ve slashed imports of our products by eighty percent so far this year. And […]

Also posted in China, Donald Trump, Iran, John Bolton, Kim Jong-Un, Korea, Xi Jinping

Mighty Morals

I accept your passionate call to step in and stop the investigative nonsense that’s enveloping this nuclear nation of bluenose hypocrites. First, we don’t need to know if Donald Trump twelve years ago had a quick roll in the sack with stripper and porn star Stormy Daniels. We also don’t need to know if, during […]

Also posted in Donald Trump, Environment, Karen McDougal, Michael Cohen, Robert Mueller, Sex, Stormy Daniels, Trade

Kim Jong Un in China

I have always admired President Xi Jinping and warmly congratulated him last year when he won reelection as general secretary of the central committee, and this year I again sent my regards after he was reelected president in a way that means president for life. Even these overtures seemed insufficient, so I conveyed to President […]

Also posted in Beijing, China, Donald Trump, Kim Il Sung, Kim Jong-Il, Kim Jong-Un, Korea, Ri Sol Ju, Xi Jinping

Guns and War

On the recent Saturday when a few million citizens, many quite young, gathered to protest gun violence in scores of cities and towns from Washington, D.C. to Los Angeles, I boosted several of my Facebook links to stories I’d written about guns and war. These promotions attracted many new readers who, by demographic selection, I’d […]

Also posted in Donald Trump, Guns, John Bolton, Kim Jong-Un, Korea, Mental Health, Murder, NRA

Trump and Biden Brawl

Joe Biden, former vice president and still a slender six-footer at age seventy-five, stands at the microphone in an elegant Washington, D.C. hotel and, before Democratic governors and their staffs, begins hammering President Donald Trump for cutting taxes for the wealthy, risking a trade war with Europe and Asia, risking nuclear war with North Korea […]

Also posted in China, Donald Trump, Jerry Brown, Joe Biden, Kim Jong-Un, Korea, Trade

Manila Bulletin Posts “Trump Interviews John Bolton”

Jose Abeto Zaide, former Philippine ambassador to France and Germany, has again posted one of my columns in the Manila Bulletin. This one is titled “Trump Interviews John Bolton.” “Trump Interviews John Bolton” in the Manila Bulletin “King Donald” by George Thomas Clark

Also posted in Donald Trump, Iran, Jose Abeto Zaide, Kim Jong-Il, Kim Jong-Un

Trump Interviews John Bolton

I like saying, “You’re fired,” to people who aren’t on board with my views and I’m probably going to say that to my national security advisor, H.R. McMaster. He’s still an active general but no way does he understand war the way I do. And I also think John Bolton knows a lot more about […]

Also posted in Dick Cheney, Donald Trump, Fox News, H.R. McMaster, Iran, John Bolton, Kim Jong-Un, Korea, Ted Kennedy, Vietnam

Trump Shock

hold it i thought south korea said kim jong un promised to denuclearize but maybe he just wants to talk about it and i’d look dumb

Also posted in Donald Trump, Kim Jong-Un, Korea

Big Boys to Meet

(The following are transcripts of recent, and quite separate, private utterances by the world’s two most feared warriors.) Donald Trump – Other presidents didn’t have the guts to negotiate with Kim Jong Un or his father or grandfather but I’ve got brass balls, and my threats to completely destroy his country have scared the Little […]

Also posted in Donald Trump, Kim Jong-Un, Korea, Muammar Gaddafi, Saddam Hussein

President Forever

congratulations xi jinping upon becoming president for life usa can’t complain much because it needs chinese help dealing with another president for life

Also posted in China, Kim Jong-Un, Korea, Xi Jinping

Trump Justice

There’s no need for you or me to get confused by this legal mumbo jumbo the liberals are throwing at us. It’s all very simple. I did not hire Russian hookers, while visiting their great country, to pee on the bed African Obama once slept in. I did not sleep with Vladimir Putin or Stormy […]

Also posted in Barack Obama, Donald Trump, FBI, James Comey, Karen McDougal, Korea, Russia, Stormy Daniels, Vladimir Putin

State of Trump

Look at Paul Ryan trying so hard not to smile, in his seat behind me, as he thanks Heaven he no longer has to frown throughout a State of the Union speech by Barack Obama. Like all true citizens, Ryan knows under my leadership our country is enjoying a “new tide of optimism… incredible progress […]

Also posted in Barack Obama, China, Crime, Donald Trump, Immigration, Mexico, Paul Ryan, Russia, Terrorism, Trade

Martin Luther King Visits Trump

Speeding in a golf court on a splendid golf course not far from presidential palace Mar-a-Lago, Martin Luther King steered toward the executive foursome and braked hard, skidding along the grass behind the fifth tee just as President Donald Trump began his downswing. Trump dribbled the ball about twenty yards and spun to scream, “Hey, […]

Also posted in Barack Obama, China, Donald Trump, Iran, Korea, Martin Luther King, Russia, Vietnam

Admiral Yamamoto in Korea

We’ll talk about North Korea in a minute but first you should know I love the sea and more Kawai especially when I’m in Tokyo out of uniform in her arms. I tell her about studying at Harvard two happy years, and likewise two incisive years as naval attaché in Washington, D. C. I like […]

Also posted in China, Donald Trump, Isoroku Yamamoto, Japan, Kim Jong-Un, Korea, Tripartite Pact, World War II

Trump Button

my nuclear button’s bigger than yours

Also posted in Donald Trump, Kim Jong-Un, Korea

Rocket Man Ready

our nuclear forces are complete the magic button is on my desk happy new year

Also posted in Donald Trump, Kim Jong-Un, Korea

Manila Bulletin Posts “Nuclear Role Reversal”

Retired Ambassador Jose Abeto Zaide, now a columnist for the Manila Bulletin, has posted another of my stories about foreign affairs: “Nuclear Role Reversal.” Click here to read “King Donald” by George Thomas Clark

Also posted in China, Donald Trump, Jose Abeto Zaide, Kim Jong-Un, Korea, Mexico

Nuclear Role Reversal

Frankly and without self-pity I tell you that I have a dangerous and therefore stressful job as president of South Mexico, which for years, with the help of our Chinese allies, has been holding off communist hordes in North Mexico and the United States. To help you understand, let me briefly review essential events after […]

Also posted in Canada, China, Donald Trump, Hawaii, Kim Jong-Un, Korea

Manila Bulletin Posts “Easy Riders, Best of Friends”

The Manila Bulletin Posted “Easy Riders, Best of Friends” – On my website it is titled “Donald Duterte” and a bit more candid. Thanks to veteran diplomat Jose Abeto Zaide for sharing his space. Click here to read

Also posted in Donald Trump, Jose Abeto Zaide, Philippines

Donald Duterte

Bearing a big smile Donald Trump for a hefty man strides rapidly into Malacañang Palace and extends a hand to his host, President Rodrigo Duterte, who says, “No, bro, like this,” and holds out his right fist, evidently a more macho version of the Nazi salute, which after all was open-handed, and nods for Trump […]

Also posted in Barack Obama, Donald Trump, Drugs, Kim Jong-Un, Korea, Philippines, Rodrigo Duterte

Golfing with Shinzo and Donald

I’ve caddied for many of the greatest golfers in history, packing Tiger Woods’ bag the day he shot sixty-two in an exhibition with Japanese legend Jumbo Ozaki who, despite being almost sixty, fired a hot sixty-seven. Today, I won’t be carrying clubs because our distinguished guests here at Kasumigaseki Country Club – Hideki Matsuyama, fourth […]

Also posted in Donald Trump, Golf, Guns, Hideki Matsuyama, Japan, Kim Jong-Il, Kim Jong-Un, Korea, Shinzo Abe, Tiger Woods

Manila Bulletin Posts “Kim Jong Un in Iran”

The Manila Bulletin and Ambassador Jose Abeto Zaide have posted my most recent column, “Kim Jong Un in Iran”

Also posted in Ali Khamenei, Donald Trump, Iran, Jose Abeto Zaide, Kim Jong-Un, Korea

Kim Jong Un in Iran

Just so you understand, I have a hot line to Iran and can contact Supreme Leader Ali Khamenei any time I want but I won’t need a phone today. After a secret trip by means that must remain mysterious, I’m meeting Khamenei in Tehran where I’ve been invited to discuss how we can save our […]

Also posted in Ali Khamenei, Donald Trump, Iran, Kim Jong-Un, Korea

Trump Assesses The Donald

I knew I was going to be a great president but, frankly, I’m far surpassing my own expectations and am rebuilding the nation and the world in ways I know are necessary. Let’s start with disastrous Obamacare, the Affordable Care Act I just I last week cut back because its author had lied to the […]

Also posted in Abortion, Barack Obama, Birth Control, Donald Trump, Environment, Immigration, Iran, Korea

Iran Trumped

the donald decertifies iran nuclear deal as well as persian gulf he calls arabian

Also posted in Donald Trump, Iran, Middle East, Persian Gulf

Manila Bulletin Reprints “Tillerson Confronts Trump”

The Manila Bulletin and Ambassador Jose Abeto Zaide Have Reprinted “Tillerson Confronts Trump” Is the president determined to start a nuclear war? Read my column in the Manila Bulletin

Also posted in Donald Trump, Jose Abeto Zaide, Kim Jong-Un, Korea, Rex Tillerson

Tillerson Confronts Trump

Walking fast Rex Tillerson enters the office of White House chief of staff John Kelly and says, “Tell the president I’m here and we need to talk.” “You don’t have an appointment,” says the retired four-star general, rising to attention. The secretary of state pivots, marches out, and turns toward the Oval Office. Kelly from […]

Also posted in Donald Trump, Jared Kushner, John Kelly, Kim Jong-Un, Korea, Rex Tillerson

Hot Tweet

from erect tweeter trump declares secretary of state tillerson wasting time talking to little rocket man in north korea where the donald will do what has to be done

Also posted in Donald Trump, Kim Jong-Un, Korea

Fake Launch

trump tweets iran test-fired missile designed to reach israel but there was no launch and one wonders why the president is forever permitted to lie

Also posted in Donald Trump, Iran

Manila Bulletin Reprints “Trump at United Nations”

I’m honored that my creative commentaries about North Korea and nuclear weapons continue to interest readers in East Asia. Here’s a link to “Trump at United Nations,” quoted in its entirety by Jose Abeto Zaide, veteran diplomat and columnist for the Manila Bulletin. Read it in the Manila Bulletin

Also posted in Donald Trump, Jose Abeto Zaide, Kim Jong-Un, Korea

Trump at United Nations

It’s a great honor to be at the United Nations right here in my hometown of New York. I do think the building’s a little shabby and would’ve been a lot prettier if I’d built it but that’s okay. We’re here today to celebrate the fact that because of my leadership the stock market is […]

Also posted in China, Donald Trump, Iran, Kim Jong-Un, Korea, Russia, United Nations, Venezuela

Rocket

trump joins nuclear rocket man one way to mars

Also posted in Donald Trump, Kim Jong-Un, Korea, Mars

Nuclearizing East Asia

During a break at an economic summit Prime Minister Shinzo Abe of Japan motions for Korean President Moon Jae-in to join him in a conference room where President Vladimir Putin arises and says, through several interpreters, “Please sit down.” The three leaders sit at a small dark wooden table. “North Korea’s headed toward a very […]

Also posted in Japan, Korea, Moon Jae-in, Russia, Shinzo Abe, Vladamir Putin

Kim’s Big Bomb

You tell me not to make ballistic missiles, I create them. You tell me not to test them, I fire whenever I want. You tell me not to make nuclear warheads, I produce them. You tell me not to test them, this morning I tested one eight times more powerful than the bomb you dropped […]

Also posted in Donald Trump, Kim Jong-Un, Korea

Donald Trump v. Kim Jong Un

Let’s see, in 1950 North Korean soldiers, materially aided by China and Russia, attacked and mauled South Korean troops, which then received massive aid from American and other United Nations forces to repulse the invaders but then the rescuers became invaders and, despite many warnings from the Chinese, continued to charge further north, bombing and […]

Also posted in Boxing, Donald Trump, Kim Jong-Un, Korea, Korean War, Mixed Martial Arts

Kim Says Mellow Out

Hey, come on. Chill, it’s me, your rock-n-roll and roundball buddy on top here in the righteous Democratic People’s Republic of Korea saying everything’s okay and the only reason you’re panicking is because you lack precise and trustworthy news organizations. I don’t allow such things in my country but you should because right now your […]

Also posted in Donald Trump, Kim Jong-Un, Korea, Media

Japan Watches

we japanese would be fascinated by tests of north korean offensive and american defensive missiles except we’re in middle of nuclear lunacy

Also posted in Japan, Korea

Kim’s Second ICBM

After my Fourth of July ICBM present to the United States I decided, little more than three weeks later, to air mail you another test, “a powerful sword for keeping peace,” and this one flew higher and longer than the last and, I’m confident, terrified those who live not only on the West Coast but […]

Also posted in Donald Trump, Japan, Kim Jong-Un, Korea

Trump Aces Lady Golfers

Can you believe my fake news enemies wanted to steal the women’s U.S. Open championship from me and my Trump National Golf Club in New Jersey? They said the president shouldn’t benefit by having a major tournament played on his golf course and it would be inappropriate since they claim I’m not always a gentleman […]

Also posted in Donald Trump, Donald Trump Jr., Golf, Health, Iraq, Kim Jong-Un, Korea, Russia

Trump Calls Kim Jong Un

Donald Trump – President Kim, this is President Trump calling to tell you that it won’t happen. Kim Jong Un – It’s already happened. DT – I’m referring to North Korea actually deploying an ICBM. KJU – Consider them as good as deployed on quite mobile Chinese-built trucks you’ll never be able to track. DT […]

Also posted in China, Donald Trump, Japan, Jose Abeto Zaide, Kim Jong-Un, Korea, Muammar Gaddafi, Russia, Saddam Hussein

Target, Japan

north korea just fired another ballistic missile into our sea of japan we’re still not sure what we’re going to do about this menace but based on history we better do something

Also posted in Donald Trump, Japan, Kim Jong-Un, Korea

Rodman Goes Nuclear

This story is in the collection “Basketball and Football”

Also posted in Barack Obama, Basketball, Dennis Rodman, Donald Trump, Jimi Hendrix, John McCain, Kim Il Sung, Kim Jong-Il, Kim Jong-Un, Korea, The Doors

North Korean Overture to Mexico

Deep in a bunker somewhere in North Korea, Kim Jong Un points to a huge wall map of the world and, aided by his finest Spanish-speaking tutor, says, “President Fox, I feel for the righteous Mexican people who’ve so long been degraded by the American colossus to the north. Your strategic position and indeed your […]

Also posted in Donald Trump, Kim Jong-Un, Korea, Mexico, Vicente Fox

Kim Jong Un to Americans

You Americans are planning to attack me. You’re always attacking someone. Look at Iraq and Afghanistan and Libya and Syria and Cuba and Panama and Vietnam. Cry when you look at Vietnam and remember it when scheming against our North Korean homeland. No one believes your lie we invaded the imperialists in the south in […]

Also posted in Donald Trump, Kim Jong-Un, Korea

First Lady

ri sol-ju please tell us about your man kim jong-un

Also posted in Kim Jong-Un, Korea

Trump Confronts Kim Jong Un

Far too busy to be troubled by an inconvenient personal meeting, President Donald Trump, entertaining swells at Mar-a-Lago, and President Kim Jong Un, salivating as soldiers and missiles pass before him in Pyongyang, take a break to offer a little TV time for Battle of the Big Shots. President Xi Jinping, the referee, prepares to […]

Also posted in China, Donald Trump, Kim Jong-Un, Korea, Xi Jinping

Obama Writes to Trump

Dear President Trump, I have to this point restrained myself from responding to your avalanche of falsehoods and insults but better speak now, in this letter I share with a public likely to suffer from your instability and that should know you’re a nonalcoholic version of witch-hunting Senator Joseph McCarthy, whose name still makes free […]

Also posted in Barack Obama, Bashar al-Assad, Chemical Weapons, Donald Trump, Iran, Iraq, Korea, Syria

Colonel von Stauffenberg Discusses Kim Jong Un

This young man asks what many people have: “Colonel von Stauffenberg, what should the North Koreans do?” By that he naturally means what should the military officers do? “It will likely be up to the colonels,” I say. “Generals have usually lost their youth and vigor while gaining power and prestige. If a lower ranking […]

Also posted in Adolf Hitler, Claus von Stauffenberg, Kim Il Sung, Kim Jong-Il, Kim Jong-Un, Korea, World War II

Praying for Trump

Everywhere I go people tell me, “I’m praying for you.” I appreciate that since I’m a compassionate guy. The world’s in big trouble but I’m going to make everything better. That’s what I do. I fix things. You should hear what I’ve been saying on the phone to world leaders. So many countries are taking […]

Also posted in Arnold Schwarzenegger, Barack Obama, Donald Trump, Iran, Russia, Ukraine, Vladamir Putin

Kim Jong Un Tweets Trump

Outraged by the contradictory tweet from President-elect Trump, I snatched my high powered Dear Leader tweeter and fired: It will happen. North Korea will soon have a nuclear-tipped ballistic missile capable of reaching the United States. In daily telepathic conversations my godlike grandfather and father, who created a paradise that capitalists want to destroy, tell […]

Also posted in Donald Trump, Kim Jong-Un, Korea, Korean War, Twitter

Nuclear Trump

I worry about our nuclear triad because I’m a strategic thinker. I knew what the triad was last year even though political enemies tried to use my words to make it sound like I didn’t. I did and I do and warn everyone that the United States must greatly strengthen and expand its land-based missiles, […]

Also posted in China, Donald Trump, ISIS, Russia, Vladimir Putin

Trump Visits Obama

This story appear in the rousing campaign book “King Donald”

Also posted in Barack Obama, Campaign 2016, Donald Trump, Hillary Clinton, Iran, Iraq, ISIS

The Second Debate

This story is from the rousing campaign book “King Donald”

Also posted in Barack Obama, Bill Clinton, Campaign 2016, Donald Trump, Hillary Clinton, Iran, Russia, Syria, Warren Buffett

Putin Picks VP Winner

This story is from the rousing campaign book “King Donald”

Also posted in Bashar al-Assad, Campaign 2016, Crimea, Donald Trump, Hillary Clinton, Iran, ISIS, Mike Pence, Russia, Syria, Tim Kaine, Ukraine, Vladimir Putin

The First Debate

This story is from the rousing campaign book “King Donald”

Also posted in Barack Obama, Bill Clinton, Campaign 2016, Chicago, Federal Reserve, Guns, Hillary Clinton, Immigration, Iran, Iraq, Korean War, Murder

Trump Counters Hillary’s Foreign Policy Speech

This story is from the rousing campaign book “King Donald”

Also posted in Barack Obama, Campaign 2016, Donald Trump, Hillary Clinton, Korea, Mexico

Ted Crucifies Obama

This story is from the rousing campaign book “King Donald”

Also posted in Barack Obama, Campaign 2016, Climate Change, Economics, Employment, Global Warming, Iran, ISIS, Ted Cruz

Hydrogen Man

I’m not short and pudgy. I’m taller and firmer than you think and in fact I’m a stud who watches professional basketball and lives like a god and beds any woman I want and the other night my current favorite swooned as I told her, “This morning I exploded a hydrogen bomb.” “Oh, Dear Leader.” […]

Also posted in China, Japan, Kim Jong-Un, Korea

Interviewing George W. Bush

This story is from the rousing campaign book “King Donald”

Also posted in Barack Obama, Campaign 2016, George Thomas Clark, George W. Bush, Health, Insurance, Iran, Jeb Bush

Fidel Castro v. Che Guevara

I didn’t force Che Guevara to leave Cuba. That’s yanqui propaganda designed to impugn my loyalty and judgment and decency. I’ve loved Che since meeting him in Mexico City before the Revolución and admired him more than anyone because more than anyone I’d benefitted from his extraordinary talents. He accompanied Raul and me and eighty-two […]

Also posted in Bay of Pigs, Bolivia, Che Guevara, CIA, Cuba, Dwight Eisenhower, Fidel Castro, Fulgencio Batista, John F. Kennedy, Nikita Khrushchev, Russia

Rubio Vows to Destroy Iran Deal

This story is from the rousing campaign book “King Donald”

Also posted in Barack Obama, Campaign 2016, Iran, Israel, Marco Rubio, Middle East, Non-Proliferation Treaty

Saddam Confronts Netanyahu

After Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu’s most recent sermon to the Congress of the United States, he marched into his palatial D.C. hotel suite where Saddam Hussein romped with several robust young women. The political titans excused their guests and bodyguards, and this conversation, preserved by a Mossad recording device, followed: Benjamin Netanyahu – What the […]

Also posted in Barack Obama, Benjamin Netanyahu, Iran, Iraq, Israel, Saddam Hussein, Vietnam

Einstein Calculates Kobe

This story is in the collection “Basketball and Football”

Also posted in Albert Einstein, Basketball, Kobe Bryant, Los Angeles, Los Angeles Lakers, Physics, World War II

Putin Warns the West

Don’t call me shorty or I’ll throw you over my hip. I’m a superpower leader ready to protect the Russian people who’ve so often been “not merely robbed but plundered” by such heathens as Napoleon, Hitler, Bush father and son, Clinton, and Obama, the latter four deluded Americans who claim God wants them to “determine […]

Also posted in Anti-Ballistic Missile Treaty, Barack Obama, Crimea, NATO, Russia, Soviet Union, Ukraine, Vladimir Putin, Warsaw Pact

Nikita Khrushchev Explains

Don’t blame me Vladimir Putin’s grabbing the Crimea sixty years after I bestowed that lovely peninsula on Ukraine, the great Russian Breadbasket where I’d forged my political career and found a bride. Listen to my son, Sergei. He’s a wizard in computers and missiles and holds multiple advanced degrees and teaches at Brown University and […]

Also posted in Crimea, Cuba, Fidel Castro, John F. Kennedy, Nikita Khrushchev, Russia, Soviet Union, Ukraine, Vladimir Putin

Netanyahu Assails Rouhani

All Iranian leaders are wolves. Ahmadinejad dressed like wolf so was less dangerous than new President Hassan Rouhani who’s disguised as sheep so can pull wool over international eyes. He wants you to forget decade ago he masterminded hiding nuclear weapons program. He didn’t fool Israel. No one fools us. And we pray he won’t […]

Also posted in Benjamin Netanyahu, Hassan Rouhani, Iran, Israel, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, Middle East

New Iranian President

I am Hassan Rouhani, new president of Iran and most reasonable and educated man. I speak Persian, Arabic, and English well, received law degree in Scotland, and have served Iran in many high military, diplomatic, and political offices. No one has more relevant experience. I understand people and universal need for expression and think you […]

Also posted in Hassan Rouhani, Iran, Israel, Middle East, Short Pieces - GTC