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Category Archives: Xi Jinping

President Xi Writes to Trump

Dear President Trump, We will often be communicating about a variety of serious matters. You believe we’re expanding our economic and military reach to benefit ourselves and diminish you, and you’re correct. We think you’re trying to limit our aforementioned plans, and we also are correct. Rather than burden you with a long list of […]

Also posted in China, Donald Trump, Economics, Iran, Korea, Shah of Iran, Trade

China Pressures North Korea

(These secret communiques between President Kim Jong Un and President Xi Jinping were intercepted and assembled in March 2018 by the intelligence agencies of the United States and South Korea, and released early this morning.) Kim Jong Un – Mr. President, you’ve slashed imports of our products by eighty percent so far this year. And […]

Also posted in China, Donald Trump, Iran, John Bolton, Kim Jong-Un, Korea, Nuclear Weapons

Kim Jong Un in China

I have always admired President Xi Jinping and warmly congratulated him last year when he won reelection as general secretary of the central committee, and this year I again sent my regards after he was reelected president in a way that means president for life. Even these overtures seemed insufficient, so I conveyed to President […]

Also posted in Beijing, China, Donald Trump, Kim Il Sung, Kim Jong-Il, Kim Jong-Un, Korea, Nuclear Weapons, Ri Sol Ju

President Forever

congratulations xi jinping upon becoming president for life usa can’t complain much because it needs chinese help dealing with another president for life

Also posted in China, Kim Jong-Un, Korea, Nuclear Weapons

Trump Scorches Balls

I’m sure you all read my vital presidential tweets and know I worried those three shoplifters from the UCLA basketball team were going to show me up and not tell everyone how much they appreciated that I intervened with President Xi and saved their asses from ten years in a Chinese prison. They should’ve said […]

Also posted in Basketball, China, Donald Trump, Kim Jong-Un, Korea, LaVar Ball, LiAngelo Ball

Trump Confronts Kim Jong Un

Far too busy to be troubled by an inconvenient personal meeting, President Donald Trump, entertaining swells at Mar-a-Lago, and President Kim Jong Un, salivating as soldiers and missiles pass before him in Pyongyang, take a break to offer a little TV time for Battle of the Big Shots. President Xi Jinping, the referee, prepares to […]

Also posted in China, Donald Trump, Kim Jong-Un, Korea, Nuclear Weapons