Cuba

Castro Brothers Collide

March 22, 2016

Can you imagine my tiny brother, President Raul Castro, who would’ve cut sugar cane if not for my political power, ordering me to stay home during Barack Obama’s historic trip to Cuba? I am still the embodiment of the Cuban Revolution. I am still, at least spiritually, the commander in chief. It is I, far…

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What Happened to Camilo Cienfuegos?

October 25, 2015

Please remember that on October twenty-sixth, 1959, at a massive rally outside the presidential palace in Havana, thousands of Cubans cheered the leader of the revolution, Fidel Castro, who launched another interminable speech. At a point when rational listeners began to tire, Camilo Cienfuegos, commander of the rebel army, arrived and stepped onto the stage…

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Che Lives

October 21, 2015

For months the Bolivian army, guided by the CIA, hunts Che Guevara before wounding and capturing the worn and emaciated revolutionary. He’s taken to a small, dirt-walled schoolhouse in a mountain village and his hands and feet are separately bound. That night, as asthmatic Che wheezes and writhes on the filthy floor, Bolivian officers and…

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Fidel Castro v. Che Guevara

October 9, 2015

I didn’t force Che Guevara to leave Cuba. That’s yanqui propaganda designed to impugn my loyalty and judgment and decency. I’ve loved Che since meeting him in Mexico City before the Revolución and admired him more than anyone because more than anyone I’d benefitted from his extraordinary talents. He accompanied Raul and me and eighty-two…

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Fidel Meets Marco Rubio

December 20, 2014

At a time and location neither man will acknowledge, Fidel Castro, age eighty-eight but still a political stalwart even in semi-retirement, shakes hands with United States Senator Marco Rubio, who’s half his age. “Mucho gusto,” Fidel says. “I’m proud you’ve done so well in American politics.” “If you hadn’t forced countless citizens into exile, I’d…

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Outraged by Castro-Loving Obama

December 18, 2014

Thank God our Republican Party is now resolved to prevent the worst president in history, Barack Hussein Obama, from normalizing relations with Cuba. How dare he try to throw our nation in bed with Caribbean communists and characterize our Cuban policy of more than fifty years as being outdated and a failure? It has been…

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Nikita Khrushchev Explains

March 19, 2014

Don’t blame me Vladimir Putin’s grabbing the Crimea sixty years after I bestowed that lovely peninsula on Ukraine, the great Russian Breadbasket where I’d forged my political career and found a bride. Listen to my son, Sergei. He’s a wizard in computers and missiles and holds multiple advanced degrees and teaches at Brown University and…

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Mollycoddling a Terrorist

March 5, 2013

Those who burned in and jumped from the Twin Towers are confused the U.S. government, self-proclaimed bastion of anti-terrorism, daily strokes enduring terrorist Luis Posades Carriles who in ‘seventies blew Cuban airliner from sky killing everyone and then continued bombing and killing when not selling cocaine and now says sleeps like baby in Miami where…

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Richard Nixon Where Are You

February 12, 2012

Richard Nixon called his first congressional opponent a commie, in ‘fifty senatorial race painted Helen Gahagan Duglas pink before trouncing her, and as vice president under Eisenhower snuggled with Joe McCarthy. By late ‘fifties he already wanted to invade Castro’s Cuba which however imperfect had just freed itself from American lackey Batista. After losing, perhaps…

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Terrorist in Miami

January 5, 2012

Those who perished in Twin Towers are confused U.S. government self-proclaimed bastion of anti-terrorism daily strokes enduring terrorist Luis Posades Carriles who in seventies blew Cuban airliner from sky killing everyone and then continued bombing and murdering when not selling cocaine and now says sleeps like baby in Miami where paints landscapes for admirers who…

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Fidel Castro Announces his Comeback

June 12, 2007

A little less than a year ago my imperialist enemies were prancing in the streets of Mafia Miami as they celebrated the imminence of my death, many even claiming I was already gone.  We can tell you now that I really was about dead.   I had one, two, three and more intestinal operations, all unsuccessful,…

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Fidel Poised

August 11, 2006

Last week the imperialists again unleashed their lies, wishfully proclaiming I was either dead or incapacitated.  In fact, I was neither.  I was recovering remarkably well from surgery to stop intestinal bleeding.  The Cuban people didn’t need to know whether I had cancer or diverticulosis or some other ailment.  They only yearned for reassurance their…

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