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Category Archives: Donald Trump

Letter to Jeff Bezos

Dear Jeff, I hope this letter finds you in good health, and want to tell you I’ve been an avid buyer of Amazon literary products for many years. However, despite my love of the Kindle reader, which stores hundreds of electronic books and permits instant adjustment of lighting and type size and the spontaneous purchase […]

Also posted in Amazon.com, Billionaires, Coronavirus, Jeff Bezos, Kindle

I Surrender

I’d like to apologize to President Trump though I realize he’s too great and busy to notice or care what people like me think. I’m now in the minority. The majority of Americans, according to recent polls, believe the president is doing a fine job managing the coronavirus pandemic. I guess the majority is impressed […]

Also posted in Coronavirus

Asking China

how many infections and deaths do you really have

Also posted in China, Coronavirus

Easter Sunday

pack those churches long as trump and clan in middle of congregation

Also posted in Coronavirus

Trump to the Rescue

Come on. Admit it. You’re happy Dr. Anthony Fauci, the celebrity expert about pandemics, isn’t on stage with me today. He’s a little guy, just a squirt, and I think people are getting irritated he always talks about medicine and ignores human pain caused by the shutdown that’s starting to ruin my great economy. Fauci […]

Also posted in Anthony Fauci, Coronavirus, Fox News

What It Is

watching people die italian doctors warn it isn’t the flu it’s like chronic pneumonia coming your way

Also posted in Coronavirus, Italy

Cruising with Joe Six Pack

“I don’t get it,” I tell a waitress. “If it’s safe to go into a restaurant and pick up food, why can’t I sit here and chat a while.” “You should be ashamed,” she says. “Quarantining is our only tool to shut down the coronavirus. If we let customers sit around here, instead of going […]

Also posted in Anthony Fauci, Coronavirus, Joe Six Pack

Spanish Influenza Review

As you grumble quarantined in carpeted homes equipped with flat screens and computers, and wait in lines outside markets to learn there’s no more toilet paper or hand sanitizer, remember a far deadlier pandemic. Good morning Spanish influenza says entering healthy young adult hearts pumping lungs fatally full of fluid by that evening or next. […]

Also posted in Coronavirus, Influenza

Coronavirus Count

month ago south korea had four hundred cases now has nine thousand month ago iran had six deaths now has sixteen hundred last week Italy had a couple thousand deaths now has five thousand

Also posted in Coronavirus, Influenza, Iran, Italy, Korea

Bernie Announces

Don’t try to talk to me unless you’re wearing a surgical mask. I wouldn’t hear you then and don’t want to now. I don’t care I lost Florida by forty points and also got hosed in Illinois and Arizona and now trail Joe Biden by three hundred delegates. That’s irrelevant. What do you mean what […]

Also posted in Bernie Sanders, Coronavirus, Economics, Employment, Joe Biden

Pandemic Irritates Joe Six Pack

I still think liberals may be scheming with the Chinese to blame the coronavirus on President Trump but since he seems to be taking it pretty serious now I guess I better try to do the same. But I’m only going so far. No way am I staying home when a kickass movie’s playing or […]

Also posted in China, Coronavirus, Joe Six Pack

The Coronavirus, Campaign 2020 – Tom & Jesse Podcast #5

In our fifth podcast, Jesse Portillo and I discuss the latest developments in the coronavirus, our impressions of Cuba – twenty years apart – Joe Biden’s electoral surge in the Democratic presidential primary, and Bernie Sanders’ next moves. Click here to listen

Also posted in Bernie Sanders, Coronavirus, Cuba, George Thomas Clark, Joe Biden

Trump Attacks Coronavirus

Stated and unstated highlights from President Trump’s solemn address to the nation. I don’t remember saying the coronavirus would soon be down to two cases or maybe one in the United States. That’s just natural optimism based on my having already marshalled “the full power of the federal government and the private sector to protect […]

Also posted in Barack Obama, China, Coronavirus, Europe, Korea

Bernie’s Last Stand

Look how the political lackeys are marching to the drumbeat. Kamala Harris says, Joe Biden, it was very hurtful when you opposed busing because I was a little black girl who took buses to better schools but considering the alternatives I’ve decided to back you for president of the United States. And Cory Booker runs […]

Also posted in Amy Klobuchar, Bernie Sanders, Beto O'Rourke, Cory Booker, Elizabeth Warren, Joe Biden, Kamala Harris, Michael Bloomberg

Big Gun Congressman

Blowhard Congressman Ken Buck removes MR-15 from Capitol wall, assumes battle position, and challenges Joe Biden to come and take it. To that one responds, “Okay, tough guy, when the law changes and assault weapons are illegal, either relinquish yours or we’ll take it from you. And you won’t fire a shot…” Bad Ass Rep. […]

Also posted in Guns, Joe Biden, NRA

Super Tuesday – Tom & Jesse Podcast #4

Super Tuesday revealed a revived Joe Biden who surges into the lead in the presidential primary. Tom and Jesse analyze the results and discuss psychological dynamics between current as well as former candidates. Super Tuesday – Tom & Jesse Podcast $4

Also posted in Amy Klobuchar, Bernie Sanders, Campaign 2020, Joe Biden, Michael Bloomberg, Pete Buttigieg

Super Tuesday at Bernie’s

Late Monday morning I get an email titled “Anybody but Bernie Sanders” that tautly announces, “The Political Establishment has made their choice… That is fine. We always knew it. You’ve always known it. Now it just happens to be clear for everyone to see.” I have no recorded evidence but believe, based on observation, that […]

Also posted in Amy Klobuchar, Bernie Sanders, Joe Biden, Pete Buttigieg

Doctor Pence

I’d like to thank the greatest man on earth, President Donald Trump, for putting me in charge of the battle against the coronavirus. He picked the right guy. Before becoming vice president, as governor of Indiana, I stamped out an HIV epidemic by authorizing needle exchanges in Scott County. I hadn’t wanted to permit that […]

Also posted in Coronavirus, Mike Pence

The New Bernie Sanders

Bernie’s in South Carolina trouble. Good old boys and girls down here are worried as hell he’s not only Jewish he’s a communist. And in this debate his Democratic primary adversaries are plenty heated up, too, lashing from all sides as locals cheer. Peach-fuzz Pete Buttigieg says, “It’s time to stop acting like the presidency […]

Also posted in Apartheid, Bernie Sanders, Joe Biden, Lindsey Graham, Marijuana, Pete Buttigieg, South Carolina, Strom Thurmond

Tom & Jesse Podcast #3 – Campaign 2020, Coronavirus

“Tom and Jesse” Podcast #3 focuses on the encroaching Coronavirus and the 2020 Presidential campaign. Donald Trump recently visited Bakersfield and so did Bernie Sanders. Clark attended the Sanders speech and comments on the event. Predictions for the South Carolina primary and Super Tuesday are also offered. Click Here for Broadcast on Youtube

Also posted in Bernie Sanders, Jesse Portillo, Tom & Jesse Podcast

Bernie in Bakersfield

No, I better not go. I think I’m too busy. But busy doing what? I’ve been writing about Donald Trump for several years and working to finish my second book about the blowhard from Queens. I can’t sit at my computer when Bernie Sanders is just a few miles away and soon to speak. I […]

Also posted in Bernie Sanders, Cars & Driving, Climate Change, Environment, Michael Bloomberg, Oil

Greeting Michael Bloomberg

I’m richer, smarter, and tougher than these low-level Democrats and have spent four hundred million dollars to advertise my success while giving speeches and practicing for my first debate I know I’ll win right here on this stage in Las Vegas. “I’d like to talk about who we’re running against: a billionaire who calls women […]

Also posted in Amy Klobuchar, Bernie Sanders, Elizabeth Warren, Joe Biden, Michael Bloomberg, Pete Buttigieg

What If Trump Won’t Leave

I’m amazed and becoming a little worried several people in recent months have asked me, “General Jones, what would the military do if Donald Trump loses the election in November but claims fraud, or something else, and refuses to leave the White House?” “I’ve been a soldier since entering West Point forty years ago,” I […]

Also posted in Civil War - American, Franklin Roosevelt, George Washington, Revolutionary War, Ulysses S. Grant, World War II

Here Comes Melania

Oh boy. This is going to be great. I’ve always wanted to meet her but frankly thought I’d never have a chance. Only rich and brilliant winners like Donald J. Trump get to be with women as pretty as Melania. That injustice changed just minutes ago with the arrival of the best text message I’ve […]

Also posted in Donald Trump Jr., Kevin McCarthy, Melania Trump

Tom & Jesse Podcast #2 – Campaign 2020, Kobe Bryant

Tom and Jesse Podcast #2 – In today’s podcast we talk about the presidential primary, Donald’s Trump’s upcoming visit to Bakersfield, Melania’s emergence as a fundraiser, the coronavirus, and we remember Kobe Bryant. CLICK HERE FOR PODCAST

Also posted in Amy Klobuchar, Barack Obama, Bernie Sanders, Joe Biden, Kobe Bryant, Melania Trump, Pete Buttigieg, South Carolina, Tom & Jesse Podcast

Trump Conquers New Hampshire

I’m getting ninety percent of the vote in our New Hampshire primary while the Democrats keep struggling to decide which bozo they want. Looks like old Bernie Sanders has about a quarter of the vote, about a point more than little Pete Buttigieg, who should grow up before he tries to tangle with me, and […]

Also posted in Amy Klobuchar, Barack Obama, Bernie Sanders, Michael Cohen, Paul Manafort, Pete Buttigieg, Roger Stones

Tom & Jesse Podcast #1 – Campaign 2020, Super Bowl Halftime

This morning it was a delight to record “Tom & Jesse Podcast #1” during which we discuss the recent political surge of Donald Trump, the bumbling Democrats and the seemingly weak Democrat presidential candidates, the murder of prominent California car dealer Jose Arredondo in Mexico, and the dynamite halftime performance of Shakira and Jennifer Lopez. […]

Also posted in Bernie Sanders, Crime, Jennifer Lopez, Jesse Portillo, Jose Arrendondo, Mexico, Murder, Shakira

Trump Rips Pelosi

Nancy Pelosi is a terrible person who hates our country. That’s probably why I didn’t shake her sticky hand before my State of the Union speech but maybe I just didn’t see her. Either way, she didn’t deserve my attention. Remember, last year she tried to keep me from delivering my annual address to the […]

Also posted in Barack Obama, Bernie Sanders, Elizabeth Warren, Nancy Pelosi, Pete Buttigieg

A Perfect Union

i’m creating jobs and building walls and arresting criminal aliens and killing terrorists to get more votes so don’t deny i’m going to be innocent tomorrow and win in november

Also posted in Barack Obama, Nancy Pelosi, Ukraine

Trump News

in my executive newsletter i explain 0 + 0 = 0 zero crimes zero wrongdoing zero bipartisan support dishonest dems threaten constitution

Also posted in Ukraine

Fake Trial

this is a trial ain’t it so where are the witnesses probably gagged by mcconnell’s boxer shorts

Also posted in Mitch McConnell, Ukraine

Trump Denounces Bolton

John Bolton’s a warmonger who couldn’t have gotten any job that required Senate confirmation so he begged me to make him national security adviser. People I trust convinced me to bring Bolton in to scare Iran and North Korea but he actually wanted to attack them and plenty of others and would’ve started World War […]

Also posted in Iran, John Bolton, Korea, Ukraine

Holiday Guest

A short man in suit and tie twice taps the frame of the doorway to the Oval Office. “Mr. President, may I please have a word with you?” “Dr. King, I’m always glad to see you but you really should make an appointment.” “I thought I had one every year on this holiday.” Trump stands […]

Also posted in Martin Luther King, Ukraine

Trump Strikes Iran

From the start I’ve said the Iran nuclear deal was the worst in history especially in the hands of terrorists seeking weapons of mass destruction. I can’t believe Obama gave them hundreds of billions. Yeah, it was their money we held but they got a windfall they used against their neighbors and us. I had […]

Also posted in Iran, Iraq

Memo from Strategist

Quit handwringing and moralizing. If Democrats are to win in 2020 they must find a candidate who’s more appealing than Trump. That may sound easy but who would that be? Which Dem would you bet your house on? I’ve been looking but don’t see anyone who can win. Politics is show business, and Donald Trump […]

Also posted in Campaign 2020, Iran, Joe Biden, Kim Jong-Un, Korea, Nuclear Weapons

Impeached

I know what the deceitful Democrats are going to do and so do you and that’s why I’m writing to Nancy Pelosi this whole impeachment is “an unprecedented and unconstitutional abuse.” I’m not even being accused of committing any crimes or misdemeanors, nothing. That’s because I’ve never done anything wrong. It’s Pelosi and the Democrats […]

Also posted in Impeachment, Joe Biden, Nancy Pelosi, Russia, Ukraine

Daniella Stella for Congress

Like President Trump I’m a truth-telling patriot appalled by Rep. Ilhan Omar, the Somali traitor who I must defeat next November at the Minnesota ballot box. I shouldn’t be an unknown trying to beat a darling of the left. Omar shouldn’t even be in office. That’s why I tweeted, “If it is proven Omar passed […]

Also posted in Ilhan Omar, Twitter

Pallid Peewees

Born in New Hampshire and raised in Iowa I’m proud as hell the fine folks of my tiny states, second and fourth whitest in America, have such great influence at the start of presidential primaries. We’ve only got about one point three million citizens in the Granite State but ninety percent are the right color […]

Also posted in Campaign 2020, Iowa, New Hampshire, Population

Joe Six Pack Reports

I feel so sorry for President Trump having to listen to all these witnesses lying about Ukraine. Who the hell are Alexander Vindman, Gordon Sondland, and Fiona Hill? They’re nobodies in the spotlight only because they’re attacking the president for making sure Ukraine quits interfering in our elections like it did in 2016. Barack Obama […]

Also posted in Barack Obama, Hillary Clinton, Joe Biden, Joe Six Pack, Ukraine

Donald Duck Diplomats

Don’t turn on your TV. These hearings are a bore. I don’t know why I’m even watching. Can you believe these bums the Democrats are using to smear me? Neither William Taylor nor George Kent, high-ranking but low-IQ diplomats in Ukraine, even talked to me directly about my perfect conversation with President Zelensky. And that […]

Also posted in Somalia, Ukraine

Baghdadi at the Movies

This is really exciting, like being at a movie I’m directing. I’d rather be on site close to the action, exchanging gunfire, but my generals insist I’ve got to watch from here as our several helicopters fly in low and fast before landing at a secret location in northwest Syria. About sixty elite soldiers jump […]

Also posted in Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, Iraq, ISIS, Kurds, Russia, Syria, Turkey

Vigilantes

I’m being lynched by a slobbering gang of Democrats who still won’t accept I won a landslide to become commander in chief of the United States and most of the civilized world. Every day my domestic enemies meet in secret and prepare to release more lies about me. It’s like fighting a ghost. Okay, I’m […]

Also posted in Russia, Ukraine

Tulsi Counters Hillary

Hillary Clinton says she should’ve won presidency in 2016 but lost so close races in Pennsylvania, Michigan, and Wisconsin because communist Jill Stein siphoned off critical votes. Now, Hillary hears Russians are programming computers to boost another dictator-loving witch, Tulsi Gabbard. Combat-ready Tulsi responds with eloquence that must be quoted, “You, the queen of warmongers, […]

Also posted in Hillary Clinton, Jill Stein, Tulsi Gabbard

Trump Dumps on Dems

Nothing makes me happier than watching Democrats debate each other in front of Americans who undoubtedly think the candidates are incompetent. You know there’s NO WAY any of them can beat me and they know it too. That’s why they’re pushing for the illegal and absurd impeachment of an extraordinarily successful president. That won’t work. […]

Also posted in Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, Bernie Sanders, Elizabeth Warren, Ilhan Omar, Joe Biden, Syria, Turkey, Volodymyr Zelensky

My Kurds

Democrats are going to lie and complain even when I keep my campaign promise to avoid endless foreign wars especially in the Middle East. I’m not afraid to strike the Iranians for blowing up Saudi oil. I’m just being realistic they could do it again. Now even Republicans are complaining I moved our troops out […]

Also posted in Bashar al-Assad, Iran, Kurds, NATO, Saudi Arabia, Syria, Turkey

Ukrainian Embrace

(We recently learned that three months ago President Donald Trump called Volodymyr Zelensky, president-elect of Ukraine. Highlights of their conversation follow.) “Congratulations on your great victory,” Trump tells him. “It’s a fantastic achievement the way you came from behind and won easily.” “We worked very hard and are going to drain our swamp. You’ve been […]

Also posted in Russia, Ukraine, Volodymyr Zelensky

Why Saudi Oil was Attacked

You want to know who is responsible for the drone strikes that blasted the world’s largest oil distribution facility and temporarily knocked out half of Saudi Arabia’s production. Let’s follow the trail. China, Russia, the United States, and Europeans allies bargained arduously with Iran and in 2015 the nations signed the Joint Comprehensive Plan of […]

Also posted in Iran, Iraq, Israel, Nuclear Weapons, Oil, Yemen

Land of Netanyahu

I don’t care if I lose the election. It doesn’t matter if my traitorous enemies frame me for corruption. I care only for Israel. I could have retired years ago. I’m running again only because I’ve been prime minister ten straight glorious years during which Israel has grown and gotten stronger in order to survive […]

Also posted in Benjamin Netanyahu, Israel, Palestine

Bolton Out

Late on a late summer evening at the White House, Donald Trump and John Bolton are speaking unpleasantly as they walk toward each other and by the time they’re nose to nose they’re almost shouting. “I’m the president.” “Yes, and I’m the national security adviser with decades of experience in foreign policy, and I’m telling […]

Also posted in Afghanistan, Fox News, Iran, John Bolton, Kim Jong-Un, Korea, Nuclear Weapons, Taliban

Trump Twists Netanyahu

In their private communications rooms in Washington, D.C. and Jerusalem, Donald Trump and Benjamin Netanyahu stand before movie screens and gaze at each other before breaking into smiles. “Great to see you, Mr. President. I just wish I could shake your hand.” “We’ll soon be shaking hands again, Bibi, but right now I have a […]

Also posted in Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, Benjamin Netanyahu, Ilhan Omar, Israel, Middle East, Palestine, Rashida Tlaib

Love in Dayton and El Paso

Donald Trump, clad in a red bathrobe, tiptoes down the long hall of the White House private quarters and knocks on a closed door he tries to open. It’s locked. “Melania, hurry up, almost time to go,” he says, placing his lips to the door. “I’m not going, Donald.” “You have to.” “You do. I […]

Also posted in Barack Obama, Dayton, El Paso, Fox News, Guns, Immigration, Melania Trump, Missiles, Murder, Racism

Trump Irritated by Democrat Debate

What a ridiculous debate, just like the one the night before. The Democrats don’t have anyone with remotely my star power. But that’s not their biggest problem. With their crazy policies, they couldn’t beat me if they nominated George Washington. Right away the candidates started arguing about who’d be better at spending trillions of dollars […]

Also posted in Campaign 2020, Environment, Julian Castro, Kamala Harris, Nuclear Weapons, Tulsi Gabbard

Joe Six Pack Demands Better Security After Mass Killings

I know you’re not surprised what the libtards have been shouting all week since the first of four mass shootings: ban assault rifles. That’s the last thing an American should ask for, and I’m confident most citizens understand what we really need is to arm ourselves better and always be ready to kill the bad […]

Also posted in Dayton, El Paso, Guns, Joe Six Pack, Mental Health, Murder, NRA

Trump Visits Elijah Cummings

Donald Trump squeezes his Oval Office phone and calls secret service agents, ordering them to ready several black beasts for an executive motorcade to nearby Baltimore. After entering the city limits they begin passing old buildings marred by broken or boarded windows and piles of trash outside. “Look how they live,” says Trump. “Disgusting. Get […]

Also posted in Baltimore, Crime, El Salvador, Elijah Cummings, Guatemala, Honduras, Immigration, Murder, Poverty, Racism

Daughter Debates Dad

Our flat screen shows a wide stage containing ten eager presidential candidates. “Daddy, what’s a Hickenlooper?” asks my daughter. “That’s a former governor of Colorado,” I say. “What’s he doing in California?” “They’re in Detroit for a debate.” “Why?” “They’re trying to become president of the United States.” “Who’s going to win?” Jabbing my index […]

Also posted in Bernie Sanders, Campaign 2020, Elizabeth Warren, Families, Joe Biden

Trump’s Happy Tweeter

Real early this morning after another night alone I reach into my pants, grab my tweeter, and shoot too bad Robert Mueller has to subject himself to sadistic Democrats who blew two years and thirty million bucks on a phony investigation led by a guy even Michael Moore soon admits is a frail old man […]

Also posted in Melania Trump, Robert Mueller, Russia, Sex

A View from the Philippines

(This interview was conducted online with Jose Abeto Zaide, a former Philippine diplomat who during a career of more than forty years served as ambassador to Austria, Germany and France. Since retirement, he cheers from the bleachers writing a column in the Manila Bulletin.) George Thomas Clark – I checked my files and note that […]

Also posted in Diplomacy, Jose Abeto Zaide, Philippines

At the Reagan Ranch

A helicopter churns above hills covered with oaks near Santa Barbara and descends into green pasture and lands a couple hundred yards from where a man watches, mounted on his horse. When whirling blades stop, he rides up and dismounts and takes off his cowboy hat as the door opens and a heavy man in […]

Also posted in Impressionism, Lebanon, Ronald Reagan, Santa Barbara

Trump Addresses White America

Look at all you fine Americans in the arena tonight and in television land and my online universe. You know I’m no dummy and was aware three of the four congresswomen I tomahawked in tweets the other day were born in the United States. The worst of them, Ilhan Omar of Somalia, really should go […]

Also posted in Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, Ayanna Pressley, Ilhan Omar, Israel, Palestine, Racism, Rashida Tlaib, Somalia

Trump Counters British Ambassador

Shaking several papers in his hand, President Trump shouts, “What the hell are these?” “They’re quotes just leaked from private diplomatic memos by the British ambassador,” says adviser Kellyanne Conway. “Who’s that?” “Kim Darroch.” “Man or woman?” “Ambassador Darroch is a man, President Trump. And he gives great parties.” “Tell the secret service to get […]

Also posted in Diplomacy, England, Europe, Kellyanne Conway

Freedom of Trump

silicon valley better watch out either they stop censorship and bias against conservatives or they’ll face legislation i promised to fox news and other defenders of free speech at white house where google facebook and twitter weren’t invited

Also posted in Facebook, Fox News, Google, Silicon Valley, Social Media, Twitter

Putin Buries Liberalism

What great guy is Donald Trump. Finally, United States has president who understands trends of history. As new kind of candidate, Trump “saw changes in American society and took advantage of this.” He knew “Western liberalism is dying if not already dead.” Reason is simple: liberals “presuppose nothing needs to be done… Migrants can kill […]

Also posted in Japan, Russia, Vladimir Putin

Casting Director Watches Second Debate

Blessed with the insight of a soothsayer and the power of a kingmaker, I have many times selected the best stars for classic roles. I said cast Humphrey Bogart instead of Ronald Reagan in Casablanca. I picked John F. Kennedy over Richard Nixon. I decreed that Reagan replace Jimmy Carter and Bill Clinton topple George […]

Also posted in Bernie Sanders, Campaign 2020, Ivanka Trump, Joe Biden, Kamala Harris, Pete Buttigieg

Trump Analyzes First Debate

I’m busy defending freedom and building the greatest economy ever but know you’ll be fascinated by my opinions of the communist party’s first presidential debate. They have twenty stooges running, and ten are standing on stage tonight. Wait, is Julian Castro standing? He’s even shorter than schoolmarm Elizabeth Warren. The guy ought to wear high […]

Also posted in Campaign 2020, Cory Booker, Elizabeth Warren, John Bolton, Julian Castro, Mike Pompeo, Tulsi Gabbard

On the Brink

From a secret war room, national security advisor John Bolton places his pointer tipped black with an arrow on the wall map, and says, “The Strait of Hormuz is by far the most dangerous place on earth. The Iranians aren’t content to spread terror throughout the Middle East and dream about building nuclear weapons. Now […]

Also posted in Iran, Iraq, John Bolton, Nuclear Weapons, Saddam Hussein

Trump Heights

“Congratulations, President Trump,” says Benjamin Netanyahu, prime minister of Israel, speaking into a hotline. “We’ve just erected a large sign celebrating Trump Heights where the bloodthirsty Syrians claimed ownership of the Golan Heights until you said it belongs to my country. Thank you so much.” “You’re quite welcome, Bibi. Thank God for you as well […]

Also posted in Benjamin Netanyahu, Iran, Iraq, Israel, Mohammed bin Salman, Saudi Arabia, Syria

Bashing Biden

Sure, I’d listen to people from another country if they said they had important information about my political enemies. Don’t bother moralizing. You wouldn’t call the FBI, either. Stakes are too high. I’m not only making us great and guarding against terrorists, I’m fighting a very dangerous guy at home. Actually, Joe Biden would only […]

Also posted in Abortion, Campaign 2020, China, Hillary Clinton, Iowa, Joe Biden, Nikolai Lenin, Trade

William Barr Declares

i’m attorney general of u.s. you know and happy explaining to cbs that eleven counts of possible obstruction in mueller report don’t matter because he also said he couldn’t say whether or not president clearly violated law but my department of justice analyzed and determined that as matter of law evidence was deficient and many […]

Also posted in Robert Mueller, Russia, William Barr

Abraham Trump

I love Jon Voight and know you do too. He’s a wonderful Academy Award winning actor and has great political insight he often displays especially when he recently said I’m the greatest American president since Abraham Lincoln. Frankly, I agree. Honest Abe and I are two peas in a pod. He freed the slaves and […]

Also posted in Abraham Lincoln, Jon Voight, Movies

Curtains

a fight’s the last thing i want but if iran starts something that’ll be the official end of the whole damn country

Also posted in Iran

Donald Mellows

Lighten up. I’m not really planning to go to war with Iran. I hope I don’t have to. I just want them to think I’m ready. The Iranians know John Bolton and Mike Pompeo want war but are also aware I’ve got people around me who’re doves compared to those two. Nobody’s going to push […]

Also posted in Iran, Iraq, Kim Jong-Un, Korea, Nancy Pelosi, Nuclear Weapons

Badass John Bolton

I must tell you that we are in great danger because the Iranians are planning to attack American personnel in the Middle East. This I know because I’m very shrewd analyzing intelligence, and that’s how I knew Saddam Hussein had weapons of mass destruction and was preparing to start World War III. Every day I […]

Also posted in Dick Cheney, George Thomas Clark, Iran, Iraq, Israel, John Bolton, Nuremberg, Saddam Hussein, Vienna, Yemen

Putin Hosts Kim Jong Un

In Vladivostok, on cold east Russian shore of western Pacific, I greet President Kim, who traveled almost seven hundred miles in armored train. I hope someday he will have airplane so he can go places rapidly. This afternoon, at our summit meeting, flanked by interpreters, I smile and motion for Kim to please sit down. […]

Also posted in Iran, Kim Jong-Un, Korea, Nuclear Weapons, Russia, Vladimir Putin

Trump Assesses the Democratic Candidates

I love democracy or I’d say cancel the 2020 election because all the Democrats are children compared to me and I’m going to win easily. Go ahead. Throw me some names and I’ll explain. Joe Biden – Can’t believe this wimp threatened to punch me because of my popularity with women. Look what’s happening. Even […]

Also posted in Amy Klobuchar, Bernie Sanders, Campaign 2020, Cory Booker, Elizabeth Warren, Iran, Joe Biden, Joseph McCarthy, Julian Castro, Kamala Harris, Pete Buttigieg, Roy Cohn, Tulsi Gabbard

Joe Six Pack Celebrates

By God I knew President Trump was being witch hunted by a pack of liberal dogs and am so happy the Mueller Report completely clears him of any collusion or obstruction of justice during the presidential campaign. The only people breaking the law were Democrats who spied on him. That’s what needs to be investigated. […]

Also posted in Hillary Clinton, Joe Six Pack, Robert Mueller, Russia

Democratic Delusion

clinton was moderate likewise obama now demos lurch leftward off electoral cliff

Also posted in Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, Barack Obama, Bill Clinton, Elizabeth Warren

Squeaky Clean President

You know from the beginning I’ve been shouting and tweeting: “No collusion, No obstruction, complete and total EXONERATON. KEEP AMERICA GREAT!” Phony Republican investigator Robert Mueller finally had to release his report and basically admit this is the most ridiculous thing in history. It’s a shame our country and your president had to go through […]

Also posted in Hillary Clinton, Michael Cohen, Paul Manafort, Robert Mueller, Russia, Vladimir Putin

Nuclear Restoration

i’d be very disappointed in chairman kim if he’s already rebuilding rocket site he must’ve started right after hanoi but it’s very early report so we’ll see if he thinks i’m dumb he better not forget some day i’m gonna solve this

Also posted in Hanoi, Kim Jong-Un, Korea, Nuclear Weapons, Vietnam

Trump Assails Michael Cohen

I’m not going to tell you where I live but Donald Trump and his goons just pulled up in five black beasts from which they jump and Trump motions for them to encircle my house as he pounds up the walkway to kick my door. I jerk it open. “The doorbell works fine for people […]

Also posted in Donald Trump Jr., Hillary Clinton, Jared Kushner, Michael Cohen, Mike Pence, Paul Manafort, Russia, Stormy Daniels

Inside the Hanoi Summit

We’re sitting at a long polished wooden table decorated down the middle by small bouquets of flowers dividing Chairman Kim Jong Un and his staff from me and mine. I sense my brilliance and boldness will soon be needed. Eleven presidents who preceded me had sixty-five years to bring real peace to the Korean Peninsula […]

Also posted in Hanoi, Iran, Iraq, Kim Jong-Un, Korea, Mike Pompeo, Nuclear Weapons, Russia, Vietnam, Vladimir Putin

Dining with Kim Jong Un

Chairman Kim and I have dinner Wednesday night in Hanoi at the Metropole Hotel where outside lights give the place a golden look I like at night. It’s a decent five-star hotel, with rooms starting at about three hundred thirty, but not a Trump-caliber place. That’s okay, though. I think Chairman Kim will be comfortable […]

Also posted in Hanoi, Jose Abeto Zaide, Kim Jong-Un, Kim Yong Chol, Korea, Korean War, Mike Pompeo, Nuclear Weapons

Trump in Hanoi

People in Hanoi are thrilled I’m here because Kim Jong Un and I are denuclearizing the Korean Peninsula. How do I know? My gut tells me. We’ve already established a great relationship. I’m not in a rush. As long as there’s no testing, I’m happy. Sure, there’s other stuff. We’ll talk about some of it […]

Also posted in Hanoi, Kim Jong-Un, Korea, Nuclear Weapons, Vietnam

The Big Train

kim jong un’s long armored train chugs north into china then south more than two days almost three thousand miles to sino-vietnamese border where excited hosts greet him and wonder why guy with nuclear weapons travels like that

Also posted in China, Hanoi, Kim Jong-Un, Kim Yong Chol, Korea, Nuclear Weapons, Vietnam

Robert Kraft Explains

I don’t expect sympathy. I just want you to be reasonable. It should be irrelevant I’m worth six billions dollars and own the New England Patriots who’ve won six Super Bowl titles since I bought the team twenty years ago. I’m a man of seventy-seven who gets lonely more than you’d think. My wife died […]

Also posted in Florida, Football, Human Trafficking, New England Patriots, Prostitution, Robert Kraft, Sex, Slavery

State of Emergency

I’m a gambler. I’ve made billions from my casinos and know when to double down. I told Kim Jong Un I’d destroy North Korea if he continued testing ballistic missiles and exploding nuclear bombs. And I ordered renegade Iran to continue abiding by terms of our nuclear deal even after I dumped it. Just look […]

Also posted in Immigration, Iran, Kim Jong-Un, Koran, Mexico, Nuclear Weapons, Rush Limbaugh, Sean Hannity

Trump Denounces Bezos

I’m not only protecting you against invaders I’m battling enemies right here at home. One of the most dangerous is Jeff Bezos, a lousy businessman who needed lots of luck and cheating to amass a fortune of a hundred sixty billion and employ six hundred thousand people. The United States Postal Service subsidizes Bezos and […]

Also posted in Amazon.com, Divorce, Infidelity, Jeff Bezos, Karen McDougal, Marriage, National Enquirer, Sex, Taxes, Washington Post

State of the Trump

Look at those Democratic ladies dressed in white flags of surrender during my State of the Union address. They know I’ve given Americans their best wages in decades and an economy growing almost twice as fast as when I took office. Some say I inherited a good economy. Not as good as the one we’ve […]

Also posted in Afghanistan, China, Employment, Iran, Iraq, Kim Jong-Un, Korea, Middle East, Nuclear Weapons, Russia

Summit Meeting

“Mr. President, may I please have a word with you?” says a young man, standing in the open door frame of the Oval Office. Trump glances up and immediately rises and walks to shake the visitor’s hand. “Dr. King, I wasn’t expecting you.” “I visited you last year on this occasion and intend to do […]

Also posted in Immigration, Martin Luther King, Mexico, Nancy Pelosi

Pelosi v. Trump

I’m back in the saddle, as Speaker of the House, and heading for the airport to lead a delegation to Egypt and Afghanistan. My cell phone vibrates in my purse. “Speaker Pelosi, you can’t go overseas,” says an urgent aide. “I can do whatever I want.” “President Trump says you must reschedule ‘this public relations […]

Also posted in Boxing, Immigration, Mexico, Nancy Pelosi

Mike Pompeo Preaches in Cairo

(Highlights from the recent Cairo speech by Secretary of State Mike Pompeo) I’m always eager to visit Egypt, a land I know so well, and am especially happy this time because I’m an evangelical Christian arriving soon after the Coptic Church celebrated Christmas here in beautiful Cairo. “We are all children of Abraham: Christians, Muslims, […]

Also posted in Barack Obama, Bashar al-Assad, Egypt, Iran, Iraq, Middle East, Mike Pompeo, Saudi Arabia, Syria, Yemen

Don Junior Hunts Reporter

I’m a sharpshooting stud who all over the world has killed many beasts including leopards, elephants, buffaloes, deer, bighorn sheep, foxes, and plenty more. I also know a helluva lot about security and expect you to pay attention when I write, “You know why you can enjoy a day at the zoo? Because walls work.” […]

Also posted in Africa, Animals, Deer, Donald Trump Jr., Elephants, Guns, Hunters, Immigration, Mexico

Ocasio-Cortez Visits Trump

From his Oval Office chair Donald Trump rises and winks, smiling as he says, “Thanks for coming, Alexandria.” “It’s my duty,” says first-term Congresswoman Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez. “Please, sit down.” “Which chair?” “Any one you want.” After seating herself she says, “I’m surprised you invited me.” “I’m not worried you’re a socialist, Alexandria. The most important […]

Also posted in Medicare, Socialism

Trump Counterpunches Mitt Romney

Oh, Christ, here comes Mr. Holy Pants, Mitt Romney, a freshman senator arriving in the town I own and craving the job I have, and right away he writes a column for the Washington Post, complaining I lack the character and knowledge to be president. He believes I don’t “demonstrate the essential qualities of honesty […]

Also posted in Barack Obama, Campaign 2016, Campaign 2020, James Mattis, John Kelly, Mitt Romney

Vice

I expected cheap shots and lies from liberals and they unloaded bundles in Vice, their movie about me. Right away they gleefully recalled I had a couple of drunk driving arrests as a young man and dropped out of Yale to repair power lines and almost got dumped by my fiancée, Lynne. At least they […]

Also posted in 9/11, Al Qaeda, Christian Bale, Dick Cheney, Donald Rumsfeld, Fox News, Franklin Roosevelt, George H. W. Bush, George W. Bush, Henry Kissinger, Iraq, Lyndon Johnson, Movies, Osama bin Laden, Richard Nixon, Roger Ailes, Saddam Hussein, Tony Blair

Federal Reserve Trumps Stock Market

my greatest ever stock market and economy would’ve continued up and up if fed understood interest rates strong dollars and trade wars but they’re like powerful golfers who can’t putt

Also posted in Economics, Federal Reserve, Stock Market, Trade

James Mattis Writes to Trump

Dear Mr. President, You have the right to a secretary of defense who, like you, does not understand that “our strength as a nation is inextricably linked to the strength of our unique and comprehensive system of alliances.” You have the right, no matter how shortsighted and crude, to disrespect and even insult our traditional […]

Also posted in China, Europe, James Mattis, Korea, Nuclear Weapons, Russia

Ultimatum Trump

either fund my wonderful berlin wall or i’m shutting down federal government

Also posted in Cold War, Germany, Immigration, Mexico

Trump is Right about Sex

I’ve combatted Donald Trump since the 2015 day he crawled down an escalator to launch his presidential campaign founded on division and bigotry but right now I’m compelled to say this in his behalf as well as yours. It’s no one’s damn business when consenting adults get laid in private. Blue nose politicians should have […]

Also posted in Karen McDougal, Michael Cohen, Sex, Stormy Daniels

Strategic Nuclear Trump

I know so much more than my generals I can’t remember all the areas where I’m superior but I sure understand way more about nuclear weapons and how to deal with Iran and North Korea. You probably heard I’ve been choking Iran with sanctions, especially after I bailed out of that horrible nuclear deal. I […]

Also posted in Iran, Kim Jong-Un, Korea, Nuclear Weapons

Vladimir Digs Mohammed

at g20 summit putin thrills pariah mohammed bin salman with handshakes and smiles

Also posted in Argentina, Mohammed bin Salman, Russia, Saudi Arabia, Vladimir Putin