Category Archives: Donald Trump

Martin Luther King Visits Trump

Speeding in a golf court on a splendid golf course not far from presidential palace Mar-a-Lago, Martin Luther King steered toward the executive foursome and braked hard, skidding along the grass behind the fifth tee just as President Donald Trump began his downswing. Trump dribbled the ball about twenty yards and spun to scream, “Hey, […]

Also posted in Barack Obama, China, Iran, Korea, Martin Luther King, Nuclear Weapons, Russia, Vietnam

Trump Immigration

the donald says he’s not racist but wonders why u.s. brings in haitins and people from shitholes in africa TRUMP CLARIFIES I’m not the person the media’s portraying me to be and am as far from being a racist as you can get. Okay, in private I did talk a little tough about immigration, but […]

Also posted in Africa, Haiti, Immigration

Admiral Yamamoto in Korea

We’ll talk about North Korea in a minute but first you should know I love the sea and more Kawai especially when I’m in Tokyo out of uniform in her arms. I tell her about studying at Harvard two happy years, and likewise two incisive years as naval attaché in Washington, D. C. I like […]

Also posted in China, Isoroku Yamamoto, Japan, Kim Jong-Un, Korea, Nuclear Weapons, Tripartite Pact, World War II

Trump Button

my nuclear button’s bigger than yours

Also posted in Kim Jong-Un, Korea, Nuclear Weapons

Rocket Man Ready

our nuclear forces are complete the magic button is on my desk happy new year

Also posted in Kim Jong-Un, Korea, Nuclear Weapons

Proud Putin

Alexei Navalny is evil man who lied and insulted me during fake campaign for president he won’t win because he’s felon convicted of corruption and our noble election commission kicked him out of race I’ll dominate since few believe Navalny’s charge his popularity is surging because Russians know struggling economy’s my fault along with problems […]

Also posted in Alexei Navalny, Crimea, Russia, Syria, Ukraine, Vladimir Putin

Trump Health

obamacare is dead long live trumpcare

Also posted in Barack Obama, Health

Trump Taxes

working poor know it’s a lie my tax cuts favor rich

Also posted in Economics, Taxes

Balls in Lithuania

I surrender. No longer can I pretend I’m uninterested in the Big Baller Ball Family. In fact, I sense I’m going to write about them whenever I get the urge. I don’t care father LaVar, aside from Donald Trump, is the most obnoxious man in the nation. It doesn’t matter he gets more publicity than […]

Also posted in Basketball, Ben Simmons, De'Aaron Fox, LaMelo Ball, LaVar Ball, Lebron James, LiAngelo Ball, Lithuania, Lonzo Ball

What About Predatory Women?

Envision those male politicians, corporate bosses, and college administrators who enjoy flagellating themselves and other men while females of all ages and stations help them lay on the whip. Right now, that’s the self-righteous, politically essential, and cool thing to do. Make believe that most men are beasts and most women aren’t. Pretend the fair […]

Also posted in Employment, Rape, Sex

Roy Moore Says

loving sweet girls the ten commandments the confederate flag and stepping on gays i’m shocked alabamans betrayed me electing liberal doug jones i demand a recount

Also posted in Alabama, Roy Moore, Senate, Sex

Manila Bulletin Posts “Nuclear Role Reversal”

Retired Ambassador Jose Abeto Zaide, now a columnist for the Manila Bulletin, has posted another of my stories about foreign affairs: “Nuclear Role Reversal.” Click here to read

Also posted in China, Jose Abeto Zaide, Kim Jong-Un, Korea, Mexico, Nuclear Weapons

Jerusalem 2117

Who was that American president, the minor figure who blabbed a lot? Donald Trump, that’s right. He acknowledged seventy years of reality and proclaimed Jerusalem the capital of Israel, and promised the United States would therefore move its embassy there, from Tel Aviv, as soon as his architects and engineers could build and secure a […]

Also posted in Israel, Jerusalem, Palestine

Franken Out

ok i’m resigning from senate but in that spirit demand pussy grabber in chief leave office and girl groping roy moore drop from alabama senate race

Also posted in Al Franken, Roy Moore, Sex

Sunday Morning Conyers

I’ve fought for civil rights in the streets of Detroit, through the media, and in the House of Representatives more than half a century. A bunch of attention-seeking female employees can’t take that away from me. My legacy is secure because their claims are absurd. I touched no legs or fannies, though I’m sure many […]

Also posted in John Conyers, Sex

Nuclear Role Reversal

Frankly and without self-pity I tell you that I have a dangerous and therefore stressful job as president of South Mexico, which for years, with the help of our Chinese allies, has been holding off communist hordes in North Mexico and the United States. To help you understand, let me briefly review essential events after […]

Also posted in Canada, China, Hawaii, Kim Jong-Un, Korea, Nuclear Weapons

Moore Voters

trump finally says go get ’em roy but unclear if he refers to teenage skirts or alabama voters

Also posted in Alabama, Roy Moore

Trump Scorches Balls

I’m sure you all read my vital presidential tweets and know I worried those three shoplifters from the UCLA basketball team were going to show me up and not tell everyone how much they appreciated that I intervened with President Xi and saved their asses from ten years in a Chinese prison. They should’ve said […]

Also posted in Basketball, China, Kim Jong-Un, Korea, LaVar Ball, LiAngelo Ball, Xi Jinping

Trumpenstein

imagine senator al frankenstein lecturing others about sexual harassment until we learn he behaves about like me

Also posted in Al Franken, Sex

Manila Bulletin Posts “Easy Riders, Best of Friends”

The Manila Bulletin Posted “Easy Riders, Best of Friends” – On my website it is titled “Donald Duterte” and a bit more candid. Thanks to veteran diplomat Jose Abeto Zaide for sharing his space. Click here to read

Also posted in Jose Abeto Zaide, Nuclear Weapons, Philippines

Encouraging Mass Murder

Let me understand, Kevin Janson Neal often fired gunshots from his home and neighbors complained when police came, knocked on his door, and left when Neal didn’t answer, except when he stabbed a neighbor and was arrested and soon out on bail and barred from having firearms police allegedly knew he still had. So it’s […]

Also posted in Guns, Murder

Donald Duterte

Bearing a big smile Donald Trump for a hefty man strides rapidly into Malacañang Palace and extends a hand to his host, President Rodrigo Duterte, who says, “No, bro, like this,” and holds out his right fist, evidently a more macho version of the Nazi salute, which after all was open-handed, and nods for Trump […]

Also posted in Barack Obama, Drugs, Kim Jong-Un, Korea, Nuclear Weapons, Philippines, Rodrigo Duterte

My Guy Putin

i believe putin’s sincere he didn’t interfere in my election and know cia political hacks are trying to sabotage my relations with russia

Also posted in Russia, Vladamir Putin

Golfing with Shinzo and Donald

I’ve caddied for many of the greatest golfers in history, packing Tiger Woods’ bag the day he shot sixty-two in an exhibition with Japanese legend Jumbo Ozaki who, despite being almost sixty, fired a hot sixty-seven. Today, I won’t be carrying clubs because our distinguished guests here at Kasumigaseki Country Club – Hideki Matsuyama, fourth […]

Also posted in Golf, Guns, Hideki Matsuyama, Japan, Kim Jong-Il, Kim Jong-Un, Korea, Nuclear Weapons, Shinzo Abe, Tiger Woods

Economic Delights

president trumpets continued unemployment declines initiated by obama and celebrates many stock market highs that could challenge annual record set in nineteen twenty-eight but not clear if president also worries about events the following year

Also posted in Barack Obama, Economics, Employment, Housing, Stock Market

Manila Bulletin Posts “Kim Jong Un in Iran”

The Manila Bulletin and Ambassador Jose Abeto Zaide have posted my most recent column, “Kim Jong Un in Iran”

Also posted in Ali Khamenei, Iran, Jose Abeto Zaide, Kim Jong-Un, Korea, Nuclear Weapons

Kim Jong Un in Iran

Just so you understand, I have a hot line to Iran and can contact Supreme Leader Ali Khamenei any time I want but I won’t need a phone today. After a secret trip by means that must remain mysterious, I’m meeting Khamenei in Tehran where I’ve been invited to discuss how we can save our […]

Also posted in Ali Khamenei, Iran, Kim Jong-Un, Korea, Nuclear Weapons

An Honorable Man

In the mid eighteen fifties, near the grand columns of Arlington House in Virgina, about seventy of us stand before our master George Parke Custis and feel great joy as he says, “When I pass from this earth, you shall all be free.” “Did Master write his instructions so his heirs would understand?” I stun […]

Also posted in Civil War - American, George Washington, Robert E. Lee, Slavery

From Russia With Love

fake investigation none of my guys colluded but hillary sure did

Also posted in Hillary Clinton, Paul Manafort, Russia

Senators Blast Trump

about those two gop senators who claim i’m desbasing our nation bob corker’s a flake and jeff flake’s incompetent neither could get elected dogcatcher

Also posted in Bob Corker, Jeff Flake, Senate

Trump Assesses The Donald

I knew I was going to be a great president but, frankly, I’m far surpassing my own expectations and am rebuilding the nation and the world in ways I know are necessary. Let’s start with disastrous Obamacare, the Affordable Care Act I just I last week cut back because its author had lied to the […]

Also posted in Abortion, Barack Obama, Birth Control, Environment, Immigration, Iran, Korea, Nuclear Weapons

Iran Trumped

the donald decertifies iran nuclear deal as well as persian gulf he calls arabian

Also posted in Iran, Middle East, Nuclear Weapons, Persian Gulf

Manila Bulletin Reprints “Tillerson Confronts Trump”

The Manila Bulletin and Ambassador Jose Abeto Zaide Have Reprinted “Tillerson Confronts Trump” Is the president determined to start a nuclear war? Read my column in the Manila Bulletin

Also posted in Jose Abeto Zaide, Kim Jong-Un, Korea, Nuclear Weapons, Rex Tillerson

Tillerson Confronts Trump

Walking fast Rex Tillerson enters the office of White House chief of staff John Kelly and says, “Tell the president I’m here and we need to talk.” “You don’t have an appointment,” says the retired four-star general, rising to attention. The secretary of state pivots, marches out, and turns toward the Oval Office. Kelly from […]

Also posted in Jared Kushner, John Kelly, Kim Jong-Un, Korea, Nuclear Weapons, Rex Tillerson

Tillerson Reassures

listen to me trump’s smart and loves his country and i hope won’t fire my ass

Also posted in Rex Tillerson, State Department

Trump Backs Tillerson

it’s totally phony that rex tillerson called me a moron

Also posted in Rex Tillerson, State Department

Trump Towels

hurricane victims huddled in puerto rico get paper towels thrown by trump who has a lovely touch

Also posted in Hurricanes, Puerto Rico

Hot Tweet

from erect tweeter trump declares secretary of state tillerson wasting time talking to little rocket man in north korea where the donald will do what has to be done

Also posted in Kim Jong-Un, Korea, Nuclear Weapons

Puerto Rican Tweet

hurricane devours puerto rican food water and electricity and san juan mayor begs u.s. to save people from dying at one of his golf courses trump tweets such poor leadership from mayor and others who can’t get their workers to help

Also posted in Hurricanes, Puerto Rico

Market Value

real wages stagnate while dreary houses soar and stocks climb on high limb

Also posted in Economics, Housing, Stock Market

Fake Launch

trump tweets iran test-fired missile designed to reach israel but there was no launch and one wonders why the president is forever permitted to lie

Also posted in Iran, Nuclear Weapons

McCain Care

draft dodging trump demeaned my imprisonment in viet nam but that’s not why i’m thumbs downing his health care plan

Also posted in Health, John McCain, Vietnam

Before Kickoff

on his knee jerry jones stands tall for dallas and nfl

Also posted in Civil Rights, Dallas, Dallas Cowboys, Football, NFL

Manila Bulletin Reprints “Trump at United Nations”

I’m honored that my creative commentaries about North Korea and nuclear weapons continue to interest readers in East Asia. Here’s a link to “Trump at United Nations,” quoted in its entirety by Jose Abeto Zaide, veteran diplomat and columnist for the Manila Bulletin. Read it in the Manila Bulletin

Also posted in Jose Abeto Zaide, Kim Jong-Un, Korea, Nuclear Weapons

Trump at United Nations

It’s a great honor to be at the United Nations right here in my hometown of New York. I do think the building’s a little shabby and would’ve been a lot prettier if I’d built it but that’s okay. We’re here today to celebrate the fact that because of my leadership the stock market is […]

Also posted in China, Iran, Kim Jong-Un, Korea, Nuclear Weapons, Russia, United Nations, Venezuela

Rocket

trump joins nuclear rocket man one way to mars

Also posted in Kim Jong-Un, Korea, Mars, Nuclear Weapons

Deferred Action for Childhood Arrivals

trump doesn’t favor punishing children for actions of illegal alien parents but stresses kids now law abiding adults and may have to leave since we’re nation of laws

Also posted in Immigration, Mexico

Kim’s Big Bomb

You tell me not to make ballistic missiles, I create them. You tell me not to test them, I fire whenever I want. You tell me not to make nuclear warheads, I produce them. You tell me not to test them, this morning I tested one eight times more powerful than the bomb you dropped […]

Also posted in Kim Jong-Un, Korea, Nuclear Weapons

Donald Trump v. Kim Jong Un

Let’s see, in 1950 North Korean soldiers, materially aided by China and Russia, attacked and mauled South Korean troops, which then received massive aid from American and other United Nations forces to repulse the invaders but then the rescuers became invaders and, despite many warnings from the Chinese, continued to charge further north, bombing and […]

Also posted in Boxing, Kim Jong-Un, Korea, Korean War, Mixed Martial Arts, Nuclear Weapons

Taliban Responds to Trump

We fighters in the Taliban never rest long and this morning some of our highest ranking members arise quite early and form a semicircle around our color TV to watch President Trump rail about Afghanistan. One of our English speakers conveys the highlights, though we’ll later get an official translation. Trump starts by declaring there […]

Also posted in 9/11, Afghanistan, Barack Obama, George W. Bush, Pakistan, Taliban

Mayweather Meets McGregor

After more than a half century of watching legendary champions fight each other, and reading about the fistic exploits of ancient titleholders, I, the average wimpy fan, am disturbed that Conor McGregor, a guy with no professional boxing experience, nary a fight, is going to potentially earn a hundred million to debut against one of […]

Also posted in Boxing, Conor McGregor, Floyd Mayweather, George Foreman, Ireland, Joe Frazier, Las Vegas, Muhammad Ali, Ray Leonard, Ray Robinson

Free Arpaio

ignoring families who roasted in desert tents on arizona border trump says you’re pardoned sheriff joe

Also posted in Immigration, Joe Arpaio, Mexico

Bye Bannon

i leaked all over white house fools and sailed back to breitbart.com

Also posted in Steve Bannon

Trump Unglued

sad our great statues celebrating slavery and bloody civil war are being ripped apart by liberals bad as charlotesville nazis who defend our values which early twentieth century required us to dip bullets in pigs blood to kill muslim terrorists who didn’t understand they were our prisoners in their philippines

Also posted in Barcelona, Civil War - American, Philippines, Spain, Terrorism

Kim Says Mellow Out

Hey, come on. Chill, it’s me, your rock-n-roll and roundball buddy on top here in the righteous Democratic People’s Republic of Korea saying everything’s okay and the only reason you’re panicking is because you lack precise and trustworthy news organizations. I don’t allow such things in my country but you should because right now your […]

Also posted in Kim Jong-Un, Korea, Media, Nuclear Weapons

Robert E. Lee Rides Again

i general robert e lee statuesque astride my stallion order you not to remove me from charlottesville or complain i shattered families selling my slaves and petitioned to overturn five year limit on those i inherited alas i lost in court and on battlefield but war continues as confederate car attacks enemies of our privileged […]

Also posted in Civil War - American, Robert E. Lee

President Pence

i’m not running for president in twenty-twenty i’m focused on the donald’s agenda and getting him reelected but if for some unimaginable reason he doesn’t run i’ve formed a fundraising committee that collected a million bucks last month

Also posted in Mike Pence

General Kelly Takes Command

I’ve been sworn into many positions of command, led marines all over the world, including in combat in Iraq, and am currently head of the of Department of Homeland Security in a capacity that compels me to warn that terrorism “is everywhere. It’s constant. It’s nonstop.” And it will continue, probably for generations. “If some […]

Also posted in Anthony Scaramucci, Iraq, John Kelly, Marines, Reince Preibus, Steve Bannon, Terrorism

Scaramucci Confronts Kelly

you wanna my job anthony scaramucci shouts at general john kelly you gonna suffer charging by trump and cameras to stab general with toy knife

Also posted in Anthony Scaramucci, John Kelly

Mooch Out

must be fake news scaramucci already booted from white house

Also posted in Anthony Scaramucci

Nuclear Bull

people who enflame my horns in spain and enjoy suicidal head butt against stake may soon be lit by nukes i watch from heaven Video of bull on fire

Also posted in Bulls, Korea, Spain

Kim’s Second ICBM

After my Fourth of July ICBM present to the United States I decided, little more than three weeks later, to air mail you another test, “a powerful sword for keeping peace,” and this one flew higher and longer than the last and, I’m confident, terrified those who live not only on the West Coast but […]

Also posted in Japan, Kim Jong-Un, Korea, Nuclear Weapons

Preibus Removed

trump and scaramucci brag they cut my balls off while ousting me as white house chief of staff but i’ll stand front row when they’re mounted backward on jackasses and run out of town

Also posted in Anthony Scaramucci, Reince Preibus

Anthony Scaramucci Speaks

I bet last week ninety-nine percent of you hadn’t heard of me but already you consider me a box office stud. The New Yorker, The Atlantic, CNN, and lots of other important news organizations are publicizing my fight to identify and squash White House leakers who don’t care my friend, President Donald Trump, is trying […]

Also posted in Anthony Scaramucci, Barack Obama, Reince Preibus, Steve Bannon

Trump Indigestion

house gop feeds trump new russian sanctions

Also posted in Russia

GOP Warns Trump

republican senator john cornyn says don’t fire jeff sessions or you’ll foul this chamber

Also posted in Jeff Sessions, John Cornyn, Russia

The Savior

i must repeal obamacare and save its victims i must fire beleaguered attorney general jeff sessions and save my ass

Also posted in Barack Obama, Health, Jeff Sessions

Free Trump

pardon me you know i can

Also posted in Donald Trump Jr., Russia

To Russia, With Love

my daily white house email just announced i’ll make america safer stronger and more prosperous but didn’t mention i may have to squeeze and eventually fire special prosecutor robert mueller who won’t be missed any more than james comey

Also posted in James Comey, Robert Mueller, Russia

Bad Ass

i’ve told gop senators people are hurting and they better repeal obamacare or they won’t be senators much longer forget the big lie my plan will cost thirty million health care

Also posted in Health

Trump Mandate

you must at once repeal obamacare and forget new reports seven people joined don jr to discuss how russians could help beat hillary’s ass

Also posted in Barack Obama, Donald Trump Jr., Health, Hillary Clinton, Russia

Trump Aces Lady Golfers

Can you believe my fake news enemies wanted to steal the women’s U.S. Open championship from me and my Trump National Golf Club in New Jersey? They said the president shouldn’t benefit by having a major tournament played on his golf course and it would be inappropriate since they claim I’m not always a gentleman […]

Also posted in Donald Trump Jr., Golf, Health, Iraq, Kim Jong-Un, Korea, Nuclear Weapons, Russia

Trump Weather

don’t worry about south pole ice cube size of tiny delaware breaking off big oceans will drink it while nobody notices

Also posted in Climate Change

Junior Trump

my dad would’ve loved damaging info russians promised about hillary but their damn female attorney talked about adopting kids so i stopped a wasteful meeting

Also posted in Donald Trump Jr., Hillary Clinton, Russia

Trump Calls Kim Jong Un

Donald Trump – President Kim, this is President Trump calling to tell you that it won’t happen. Kim Jong Un – It’s already happened. DT – I’m referring to North Korea actually deploying an ICBM. KJU – Consider them as good as deployed on quite mobile Chinese-built trucks you’ll never be able to track. DT […]

Also posted in China, Japan, Jose Abeto Zaide, Kim Jong-Un, Korea, Muammar Gaddafi, Nuclear Weapons, Russia, Saddam Hussein

Target, Japan

north korea just fired another ballistic missile into our sea of japan we’re still not sure what we’re going to do about this menace but based on history we better do something

Also posted in Japan, Kim Jong-Un, Korea, Nuclear Weapons

Trump Tweets Obama

everyone loves my tweets especially “reason that president obama did NOTHING about russia after being notified by cia of meddling is that he expected clinton would win” now democrats keep pressuring jared kushner great kid who i’ve asked to save world this smear won’t work since jared keeps hiring great lawyers to prove there’s NOTHING […]

Also posted in Barack Obama, Jared Kushner, Russia

Rodman Goes Nuclear

This story is in the collection “Basketball and Football”

Also posted in Barack Obama, Basketball, Dennis Rodman, Jimi Hendrix, John McCain, Kim Il Sung, Kim Jong-Il, Kim Jong-Un, Korea, Nuclear Weapons, The Doors

Saint Comey

For more than a year I’ve been sacrificing as I try to defend the United States of America from people who are unworthy of leading her. I couldn’t allow Hillary Clinton to become president since she was and is a lying, emailing warmonger, and I’m proud that days before the polls opened I altered the […]

Also posted in FBI, Hillary Clinton, James Comey, Russia

Trump Paris

climate change isn’t hoax but donald trump is

Also posted in Climate Change, Global Warming

Montenegro Counterstrikes

I don’t know why but instead of getting mad at outrageous affronts and then cooling off, it’s the reverse, and a couple of hours later I start steaming, and that’s why there’s going to be trouble. Nobody gets away with disrespecting the prime minister of Montenegro. By now I’m sure most of you have seen […]

Also posted in Europe, Jose Abeto Zaide, Montenegro, Terrorism, Trade

Trump Enlightens Middle East

I love the Saudis more every day and they feel the same about me because, unlike President Obama, I understand we share their values of making the rich richer and keeping them rich forever, of keeping women in their place, and destroying terrorism. I’m frankly quite surprised that fourteen of the nineteen hijackers on 9/11 […]

Also posted in Barack Obama, Middle East, Saudi Arabia, Terrorism

Diplomatic Dandy

i made deals and scared terrorists in middle east before jetting to europe to celebrate my making nato great again

Also posted in Europe, Middle East, NATO, Oil

Kevin McCarthy Says

kevin mccarthy lucky will never lose congressional election in kern county because never would survive as comedian last year he confidentially told gop leaders, there’s two people i think putin pays, rohrabacher and trump, swear to god that’s absurd, mccarthy and paul ryan aides now say we have tape, wash post responds okay, aides insist, […]

Also posted in Kevin McCarthy, Paul Ryan, Russia, Vladimir Putin

Art of the Deal

hey, fbi director comey, whaddya’ say we forget this deal between russia and michael flynn

Also posted in FBI, Michael Flynn, Russia

Nixon Calls Trump

Late last night in the private quarters of the White House, Donald Trump was tweeting about matters foreign and domestic when an aide entered the living room and said, “Richard Nixon’s calling again, Mr. President.” Trump grimaced and picked up an old land-line receiver and said, “You’ve got two minutes, Dick.” “Thanks for taking my […]

Also posted in FBI, Hillary Clinton, James Comey, Jared Kushner, Rex Tillerson, Watergate

Comey Trumped

i did my fbi duty investigating hillary emails and bellowing often until i became mildly nauseated by russia and trump who now pretends i’m toxic

Also posted in Emails, FBI, Hillary Clinton, James Comay, Russia

Trumpcare in Action

President Donald Trump arrived at a large medical clinic in your state this morning and immediately donned a green surgical gown and cap, scrubbed his hands ten minutes, and barged into a packed waiting room. “Good morning, everybody,” he said. “I’m here to accept your thanks for repealing Obamacare and creating much better health care […]

Also posted in Barack Obama, Health, Insurance

North Korean Overture to Mexico

Deep in a bunker somewhere in North Korea, Kim Jong Un points to a huge wall map of the world and, aided by his finest Spanish-speaking tutor, says, “President Fox, I feel for the righteous Mexican people who’ve so long been degraded by the American colossus to the north. Your strategic position and indeed your […]

Also posted in Kim Jong-Un, Korea, Mexico, Nuclear Weapons, Vicente Fox

Kim Jong Un to Americans

You Americans are planning to attack me. You’re always attacking someone. Look at Iraq and Afghanistan and Libya and Syria and Cuba and Panama and Vietnam. Cry when you look at Vietnam and remember it when scheming against our North Korean homeland. No one believes your lie we invaded the imperialists in the south in […]

Also posted in Kim Jong-Un, Korea, Nuclear Weapons

Monumental Trump

too many national monuments federal land grabs i’ll eliminate till they put my face on mt rushmore

Also posted in National Parks

Trump Tip

buy private prison stocks sure to rise

Also posted in Crime, Prisons

Trump Confronts Kim Jong Un

Far too busy to be troubled by an inconvenient personal meeting, President Donald Trump, entertaining swells at Mar-a-Lago, and President Kim Jong Un, salivating as soldiers and missiles pass before him in Pyongyang, take a break to offer a little TV time for Battle of the Big Shots. President Xi Jinping, the referee, prepares to […]

Also posted in China, Kim Jong-Un, Korea, Nuclear Weapons, Xi Jinping

Kushner and Bannon

“I know you’re just thrilled the president banished me from National Security Council meetings,” says Steve Bannon. Standing several feet away, Jared Kushner examines the eminent advisor. “I’m also certain you’re very proud to be the son-in-law of the most powerful man in the world. Otherwise, you wouldn’t be here. You inherited wealth from your […]

Also posted in Ivanka Trump, Jared Kushner, Steve Bannon

Obama Writes to Trump

Dear President Trump, I have to this point restrained myself from responding to your avalanche of falsehoods and insults but better speak now, in this letter I share with a public likely to suffer from your instability and that should know you’re a nonalcoholic version of witch-hunting Senator Joseph McCarthy, whose name still makes free […]

Also posted in Barack Obama, Bashar al-Assad, Chemical Weapons, Iran, Iraq, Korea, Nuclear Weapons, Syria

Trump Strikes Syria

assad doesn’t know what I’m thinking because i don’t either four years ago i tweeted obama don’t attack syria after that i bashed him for not striking now i’m firing cruise missiles and not worried what’s next

Also posted in Bashar al-Assad, Chemical Weapons, Russia, Syria

Assad Passes Gas

Trust me, as the father of all Syrians, I – President Bashar al-Assad – am more aggrieved than anyone by the cowardly and criminals gas attacks that killed scores of women and children in the town of Khan Sheikhoun. Even though I’m an enormously proud and powerful man, I tell you I wept at reports […]

Also posted in Barack Obama, Bashar al-Assad, Chemical Weapons, ISIS, Rex Tillerson, Russia, Syria, Vladimir Putin

Chapo Guzman’s Guest

I don’t know where I am. Maybe New York. It doesn’t matter. I can’t see anything but frosted glass and can’t talk to other prisoners. I only get out of my cell an hour a day and sometimes am so lonely and depressed I almost enjoy it when guards call me shorty or cabrón or […]

Also posted in Chapo Guzman, Cocaine, Heroin, Immigration, Mexico

Alum Slams Trump University

I just don’t know if I’m going to go along with the victorious class action lawsuit against Trump University and, like almost four thousand too-eager complainants, accept no more than ninety cents on the dollar from the man who fleeced us. I paid thirty-five thousand for the elite-level program and expected to turn my financial […]

Also posted in Barack Obama, Trump University

Immune to Michael Flynn

Yes sir, I know Donald Trump and I said Hillary Clinton and her email coconspirators were inevitably guilty of serious crimes otherwise they wouldn’t need immunity, and at attention I still stand by those assertions. Now that I’m hunting for immunity, however, some say I too must be guilty of something. Actually, people have been […]

Also posted in Michael Flynn, Russia, Turkey, Vladamir Putin