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Category Archives: Donald Trump

Trump’s Astonishing Offer

I hope you heard when I recently referred to myself as a genius. You know I am or I wouldn’t have gotten elected and then created millions of jobs and eliminated the danger of nuclear war and done many other great things. But many of you, especially Democrats, are having trouble following my recent moves […]

Also posted in Joseph Stalin, Montenegro, NATO, Nuclear Weapons, Russia, Vladamir Putin

Stalin Summons Trump

This is entirely unfair. While I had to fight that ruthless bastard Adolf Hitler and form an alliance with shrewd but treacherous capitalists Franklin Roosevelt and Winston Churchill, my most celebrated successor, Vladimir Putin, is blessed with a world in which his strongest adversary, Donald Trump, isn’t really his enemy but his most ardent admirer. […]

Also posted in Adolf Hitler, Barack Obama, Iran, Iraq, Joseph Stalin, Korea, Nuclear Weapons, Soviet Union, Ukraine

Vladimir Putin’s Puppy

Smiling big and happy Vladimir Putin, leash in hand, leads Donald Trump, tongue wagging, onto the small stage in Helsinki, bends to unhook the choke chain around his neck, puts a treat in his mouth, and says, “Go stand behind that podium, Donald.” Trump complies, panting, and looks at his master, who says, “Good boy. […]

Also posted in FBI, Hillary Clinton, Robert Mueller, Vladimir Putin

Trump Turnberry

I love playing beautiful golf courses especially when they bear my name. Today I’m by the sea at Trump Turnberry in Scotland and ignoring orange-faced weirdos who’re jealous I’m the most powerful man in the world and just roughed up some of their Europeans leaders in Brussels. Today, I’m really having a great time. Turnberry’s […]

Also posted in Angela Merkel, Barack Obama, Golf, Iran, Korea, NATO, Scotland, Syria, Theresa May, Vladimir Putin

Trump Warns Europeans

Seated at a large table during the summit meeting in Brussels, President Donald Trump crosses his arms in a tight jacket, eyes leaders of NATO nations, and says, “I love Europeans and they love me. My wife is from Slovenia, my mother from Scotland, and my father was conceived in Germany before his parents, no […]

Also posted in Angela Merkel, Crime, England, Germany, Hungary, Immigration, Italy, London, Murder, Navy, Poland, Russia, Theresa May

Trump Interviews Brett Kavanaugh

My White House bed is very lonely. Fortunately, I’m asleep and dreaming about one of my most profound duties as president: nominating a Supreme Court justice. In eight years Clinton, Bush, and Obama each only got to select two. In my year and a half I’m already considering my second pick, and I really like […]

Also posted in Abortion, Al Gore, Attorneys, Bill Clinton, Brett Kavanaugh, George W. Bush, Hillary Clinton, Monica Lewinsky, Robert Mueller, Sean Hannity, Sex, Supreme Court

Senate to The Donald

after trump lands in brussels u.s. senate votes ninety-seven two saying nato’s friend and ally while putin and russia are not

Also posted in Europe, NATO, Russia, Vladimir Putin

President Xi Writes to Trump

Dear President Trump, We will often be communicating about a variety of serious matters. You believe we’re expanding our economic and military reach to benefit ourselves and diminish you, and you’re correct. We think you’re trying to limit our aforementioned plans, and we also are correct. Rather than burden you with a long list of […]

Also posted in China, Economics, Iran, Korea, Shah of Iran, Trade, Xi Jinping

Misperceptions in North Korea

mike pompeo says wish i’d met with kim jong un this trip but north koreans still negotiated in good faith and we made significant progress toward denuclearization north korea says u.s. betrayed singapore spirit making unilateral and gangster-like demands for denuclearization just like trump’s cancerous predecessors

Also posted in Kim Jong-Un, Korea, Mike Pompeo, Nuclear Weapons

Scott Pruitt Pollutes EPA

As attorney general of Oklahoma I shoved environmental fanatics out of my office, buried them somewhere else, and established a special unit to destroy the tree-hugging, jobs-suppressing policies of Barack Hussein Obama. Oil and gas companies knew I was right and contributed more than three hundred grand to my campaigns and applauded each of the […]

Also posted in Barack Obama, Environment, Scott Pruitt

Trump in Newsroom

today’s violence at capital gazette was tragic and evil and i hope you understand killer was mentally ill and not motivated by my attacks on media

Also posted in Media, Murder, Newspapers

Babes Block Trump

trump says he’s gonna select supreme court justice who’ll help overturn roe v wade plenty of gop women say that ain’t gonna happen

Also posted in Abortion

Latin Presidente

harvard harris poll reveals hispanic support for trump up ten percent

Also posted in Employment, Immigration, Mexico

Trump Embraces White Europeans

Have you heard? I hope you have. Lots of European leaders feel just like I do about immigration from the south. They can’t build a wall like mine, but they’d like to. Austrian Chancellor Sebastian Kurz, a bright young guy who’s only thirty-one, wants a Rome-Berlin-Vienna “axis of the willing against illegal immigration.” Okay, maybe […]

Also posted in Austria, Central America, Hungary, Immigration, Italy, Mexico

Trump Meets Lopez Obrador

After sundown at the White House, President Donald Trump climbs into a laundry truck and in utmost secrecy rides to an undisclosed airport where he boards Air Force One and flies to an unnamed airstrip near the Rio Grande. He then overrules agents and drives his armored beast to the shores of the eternal river, […]

Also posted in Agriculture, Andres Manuel Lopez Obrador, Central America, Immigration, Jorge Ramos, Mexico

Trump Infested

i’m a big man with a big belly and write large my name on executive order before tweeting democrats are the problem and want illegal immigrants no matter how bad to infest our country and become potential voters

Also posted in Immigration, Mexico

Melania’s Jacket

I’m a model who understands the power of clothes and nudity, and know the latter pays better. Still, I must wear clothes to the border. After thinking about it quite a while, I select a green jacket showing white words in back, “I really don’t care. Do u?” Of course I’m not referring to children […]

Also posted in Central America, Immigration, Melania Trump, Mexico

Trump Tough in Minnesota

I’ve come to Minnesota to get away from this border hassle. Don’t lecture me about kids. I’ve got five and they’re all really great, especially Ivanka. I’m concerned about kids everywhere. That’s my job as most powerful hombre in the world. All along I’ve been worried about kids getting split up from their parents on […]

Also posted in El Salvador, Honduras, Immigration, Ivanka Trump, Melania Trump, Mexico

Jeff Sessions Heads South

No longer will I tolerate renegades calling me a racist divider of families along the southern border of these United States. I’m already astride Traveller, my galloping gray steed, and arriving at what I’m confident is a humane detention facility for those who tried to illegally enter our sacred land. “Mr. Attorney General, thank you […]

Also posted in Central America, El Salvador, Honduras, Immigration, Jeff Sessions, Mexico, Texas

Kim Debates Himself

Three days after his triumphant return from Singapore, Kim Jong Un visits his dentist’s office for cleaning and a checkup. Under the glare of three security agents the dentist lifts a syringe, smiles, and says, “Just a little Novocain.” “Why Novocain for cleaning?” says one of the tough guys. “The Dear Leader usually has some […]

Also posted in Benito Mussolini, Kim Jong-Un, Korea, Libya, Methamphetamine, Muammar Gaddafi, Nuclear Weapons

Sessions on the Mount

I, Jeff Sessions, attorney general of these United States, do not wield God’s name as a saber, I only quote the bible, “Let every soul be subject to the governing authorities, for there is no authority except from God, and the authorities that exist are appointed by God,” and in His behalf and those of […]

Also posted in Bible, Central America, Immigration, Jeff Sessions, Mexico, Religion, Slavery

Trump after Singapore

You’d think everyone would be congratulating me about the most extraordinary diplomatic breakthrough in decades, but some aren’t. They’re complaining I conferred legitimacy on a murderous dictator. In fact, I got off my presidential ass, unlike all my predecessors, and traveled thousands of miles to talk to a guy who has lots of nuclear weapons […]

Also posted in Kim Jong-Un, Korea, Nuclear Weapons, Singapore

Fat Kim

ignore lies forty percent north koreans malnourished they all love my big belly

Also posted in Kim Jong-Un, Korea, Nuclear Weapons

Kim Jong Un in Singapore

This evening as I stroll through beautiful grounds of a Singaporean resort people are cheering and squealing like I’m a rock star. This is certainly a good sign for my meeting tomorrow with President Donald Trump. I know he loves stars and winners. The summit begins as the president and I march to each other […]

Also posted in John Bolton, Kim Jong-Un, Korea, Mike Pompeo, Moon Jae-in, Nuclear Weapons, Singapore

Trump Arrives in Singapore

It’s a great honor to participate in the summit meeting with Kim Jong Un, and I’m proud to be the man who made this happen. I really feel like a statesman now. I’m more mature and modest as a leader responsible for the lives of countless millions of people not only in the United States […]

Also posted in John Bolton, Kim Jong-Un, Korean War, Nuclear Weapons, Singapore

Trump Gets Ready

don’t really need to prepare much for kim jong un just gonna keep massaging my balls

Also posted in Kim Jong-Un, Korea, Nuclear Weapons

Attorney General at the Border

Astride a beautiful large gray horse and wearing an elegant suit gray as Robert E. Lee’s uniform, Jefferson Beauregard Sessions patrols the border, looking for intruders. I pity his prey. Sessions appears warrior enough to slay any foe. In each hand I wave a white paper overhead and shout, “Don’t shoot, sir. I just want […]

Also posted in Central America, El Salvador, Honduras, Immigration, Jeff Sessions, Robert E. Lee

Absolute Trump

robert mueller can’t interrogate me because i have absolute authority over all federal investigators and may fire mueller to prove it

Also posted in Robert Mueller

Kim Yong Chol in New York

In a Chinese airliner I fly to New York where atop a beautiful skyscraper my aide and I are dining with Secretary of State Mike Pompeo and Andrew Kim, America’s purported expert in all matters North Korean and a man whose real name isn’t Andrew Kim. As my nation’s preeminent intelligence and security expert, and […]

Also posted in John Bolton, Jose Abeto Zaide, Kim Jong-Un, Kim Yong Chol, Korea, Mike Pompeo, Nuclear Weapons

What’s a Samantha Bee

from around the nation conservative pundits call to ask why i haven’t denounced samantha bee who’s she the unfunny comedian who c-worded ivanka trump four letters right then that’s what samantha bee is

Also posted in Ivanka Trump, Samantha Bee

Roseanne Barred

donald trump and roseanne barr tweet about race and ethnicity one becomes president other loses tv show

Also posted in Comedians, Racism, Roseanne Barr

Trey Gowdy Clears FBI

i’m hard head of house oversight committee and support trump but gotta tell you fbi planted no spies in his campaign and investigated properly to determine russians tried to help elect trump and if president didn’t know he should act like it

Also posted in FBI, Robert Mueller, Trey Gowdy

Ayatollah Khomeini Debates the Shah of Iran

I’m writing this commentary in French, the most sublime language, from my Parisian penthouse where I’ve been ruminating for almost forty years. I assure you I remain a most formidable leader and lover, and am primed to educate you about what is happening to Iran. Don’t you wish I, instead of radical and incompetent theocrats, […]

Also posted in Ayatollah Khomeini, George Thomas Clark, Iran, Iraq, Israel, Jose Abeto Zaide, King Donald, Mike Pompeo, Nuclear Weapons, Syria

Trump Cancels Kim

kim said he understood our around-his-neck nuclear exercises with south korea and i explained john bolton’s gaddafi-model gaffe applied to kim’s nukes not his head he’s got to settle down so someday we can actually meet

Also posted in John Bolton, Kim Jong-Un, Korea, Libya, Muammar Gaddafi, Nuclear Weapons

Trump Diplomacy B

i’m telling iran stick to nuclear agreement i voided or i’ll attack

Also posted in Iran, Nuclear Weapons

Trump Investigates

i demand dept of justice look into possible fbi/doj surveillance of my trump campaign and find out if crime was ordered by obama administration

Also posted in Barack Obama, FBI, Robert Mueller, Russia

Trump Diplomacy A

i’m going to tell kim jong un denuclearize right away or i’ll attack

Also posted in John Bolton, Kim Jong-Un, Korea, Nuclear Weapons

Trump Animals

i’m talking about ms-13 gang members it’s crazy because of weak laws these people come in fast we get them we send them away we get them again we’re taking them out of the country at a rate that’s never happened before it’s so ridiculous they aren’t people they’re animals

Also posted in Crime, Gangs, Immigration

Nobel Delay

I’d never say it, but almost everyone else is: President Trump’s a lock for the Nobel Peace Prize. Obviously, I agree. None of my timid predecessors could have brought Kim Jong Un running to the peace table. Only my threats of unprecedented death and destruction have made peace possible. I’m not worried Kim threatened to […]

Also posted in Iran, John Bolton, Kim Jong-Un, Korea, Nobel Prize, Nuclear Weapons

John Bolton Advises Trump

(This conversation was recorded by trusted contacts in the National Security Agency) “I alone have made this historical decision,” said Donald Trump. “Please remember, Mr. President, we do need excuses.” He moves behind his desk in the Oval Office and plants himself. “What excuses could we use?” “The same ones I recommended in the National […]

Also posted in Iran, Israel, John Bolton, Nuclear Weapons, Russia, Syria

Trumping Iran

No, wise guy, I’m not sitting on the can but an executive chair at a presidential table in the White House and am appropriately stern but proud as I sign the Presidential Memorandum announcing the United States will violate the Joint Comprehensive Plan of Action in order to prevent Iran, the most terroristic nation on […]

Also posted in Barack Obama, England, France, Germany, Iran, John Bolton, Nuclear Weapons, Russia

Trump Nuclear Strategy

we need more long and intermediate range nukes so what russia will also make more we’ll make more than their more and be on top

Also posted in Nuclear Weapons, Russia, START, Vladimir Putin

Nobel Trump

people ask what i had to with north’s korea’s improved behavior and offer to meet at summit my answer’s simple everything now it’s almost cinch i’ll win nobel peace prize and if i don’t blame kim jong un

Also posted in Kim Jong-Un, Korea, Nuclear Weapons

My NRA

trump enters nra bordello and says elect more republicans to protect sacred gun rights

Also posted in Guns, Murder, NRA

At the Border

kim jong un walked south across the border kim jae-in walked north across the border and both returned south to discuss making korea nuclear-free and they lived quite happily until real negotiations began

Also posted in Kim Jong-Un, Korea, Moon Jae-in, Nuclear Weapons

Nikki Next Time

trump confused about nikki haley’s plans in twenty twenty

Also posted in Nikki Haley, United Nations

James Mattis Moderates John Bolton

Dr. Harrison didn’t get drunk on fine wines at the party for powerbrokers in Washington, D.C. that recent night but did consume enough to hand the keys to his wife, after only brief debate, and rode shotgun, singing his alma mater’s fight song. At home he again acceded in gentlemanly fashion and, still clothed except […]

Also posted in Bashar al-Assad, Chemical Weapons, Iran, Iraq, James Mattis, John Bolton, Kim Jong-Un, Korea, Nuclear Weapons, Syria

Meet John Larson

The ruddy face of Representative John Larson roars through my Facebook news hole this afternoon, and, shortly after wondering who the hell’s he, I click the video and watch as in strong voice he addresses Republican opponents on the floor of the House, saying it’s time to “expose a lot of (their) myths, like this […]

Also posted in John Larson, Medicare, Social Security

Representing Sean Hannity

it’s private but now you know michael cohen’s given me some legal tips but he never sent invoices and i swear none of this had to do with third party

Also posted in Michael Cohen, Robert Mueller, Sean Hannity

Stalin Assesses Syria

I love my giant TV in the sky and hotlines to hell where you still dwell. No longer do I have to worry about the deadly schemes of millions of enemies internal and external and my stressful duty of arresting, torturing, and slaughtering them. Those tasks now fall to others, in many nations, and I’m […]

Also posted in Bashar al-Assad, James Mattis, Jose Abeto Zaide, Joseph Stalin, Missiles, Nuclear Weapons, Russia, Syria, Timber Sycamore, Vlade Divac

Saint James Comey

hillary the satanic emailer i had to take down donald the prevaricating mobster i’m going to take down while in heaven I loom atop bestseller list

Also posted in Hillary Clinton, James Comey

China Pressures North Korea

(These secret communiques between President Kim Jong Un and President Xi Jinping were intercepted and assembled in March 2018 by the intelligence agencies of the United States and South Korea, and released early this morning.) Kim Jong Un – Mr. President, you’ve slashed imports of our products by eighty percent so far this year. And […]

Also posted in China, Iran, John Bolton, Kim Jong-Un, Korea, Nuclear Weapons, Xi Jinping

Au Revoir, Paul Ryan

i’m tired of riding trump titanic and snoozing on capitol couch but may someday return if i can sleep in white house and keep attacking social security and medicare

Also posted in Medicare, Paul Ryan, Republicans, Social Security, Titanic

Mighty Morals

I accept your passionate call to step in and stop the investigative nonsense that’s enveloping this nuclear nation of bluenose hypocrites. First, we don’t need to know if Donald Trump twelve years ago had a quick roll in the sack with stripper and porn star Stormy Daniels. We also don’t need to know if, during […]

Also posted in Environment, Michael Cohen, Nuclear Weapons, Robert Mueller, Sex, Trade

Trump Tweets Assad

my first message assad you’re a sick animal and i’m gonna punish you for poison gassing mothers and children my second message we’re getting out of your shithole country before midterm elections in november

Also posted in Bashar al-Assad, Chemical Weapons, Syria

Border Politics

since arrests at border continue declining to lowest in forty-six years why is trump banging immigration drum

Also posted in Immigration, Mexico

Vicente Fox Counters Trump

Lights glow, TV cameras roll, and Donald Trump says, “I want you to remember my remarks at Trump Tower the day I started my campaign for president. I used the word rape, and people said I was too tough. Now they’re saying I’m right. On the journey coming up here, from Central America through Mexico, […]

Also posted in Drugs, Immigration, Mexico, Murder, Vicente Fox

Kim Jong Un in China

I have always admired President Xi Jinping and warmly congratulated him last year when he won reelection as general secretary of the central committee, and this year I again sent my regards after he was reelected president in a way that means president for life. Even these overtures seemed insufficient, so I conveyed to President […]

Also posted in Beijing, China, Kim Il Sung, Kim Jong-Il, Kim Jong-Un, Korea, Nuclear Weapons, Ri Sol Ju, Xi Jinping

Manila Bulletin Posts: “Trump and Biden Brawl”

Manila Bulletin columnist Jose Abeto Zaide, former Philippine ambassador to Germany and France, has again posted one of my columns. “TRUMP AND BIDEN BRAWL” in the Manila Bulletin Click here to read “King Donald” by George Thomas Clark

Also posted in George Thomas Clark, Joe Biden, Jose Abeto Zaide, King Donald

Easter Egg Hunt

no more daca deal too many dreamers need wall happy easter love donald

Also posted in Immigration, Mexico

Did Donald Dally

no matter what happened between the porn star the playmate and the president it’s none of our business

Also posted in Pornography, Sex

Guns and War

On the recent Saturday when a few million citizens, many quite young, gathered to protest gun violence in scores of cities and towns from Washington, D.C. to Los Angeles, I boosted several of my Facebook links to stories I’d written about guns and war. These promotions attracted many new readers who, by demographic selection, I’d […]

Also posted in Guns, John Bolton, Kim Jong-Un, Korea, Mental Health, Murder, NRA, Nuclear Weapons

Trump and Biden Brawl

Joe Biden, former vice president and still a slender six-footer at age seventy-five, stands at the microphone in an elegant Washington, D.C. hotel and, before Democratic governors and their staffs, begins hammering President Donald Trump for cutting taxes for the wealthy, risking a trade war with Europe and Asia, risking nuclear war with North Korea […]

Also posted in China, Jerry Brown, Joe Biden, Kim Jong-Un, Korea, Nuclear Weapons, Trade

Manila Bulletin Posts “Trump Interviews John Bolton”

Jose Abeto Zaide, former Philippine ambassador to France and Germany, has again posted one of my columns in the Manila Bulletin. This one is titled “Trump Interviews John Bolton.” “Trump Interviews John Bolton” in the Manila Bulletin “King Donald” by George Thomas Clark

Also posted in Iran, Jose Abeto Zaide, Kim Jong-Il, Kim Jong-Un, Nuclear Weapons

Trump Interviews John Bolton

I like saying, “You’re fired,” to people who aren’t on board with my views and I’m probably going to say that to my national security advisor, H.R. McMaster. He’s still an active general but no way does he understand war the way I do. And I also think John Bolton knows a lot more about […]

Also posted in Dick Cheney, Fox News, H.R. McMaster, Iran, John Bolton, Kim Jong-Un, Korea, Nuclear Weapons, Ted Kennedy, Vietnam

GOP Supports Mueller

trump panting to fire special prosecutor robert mueller republicans warn he better not mueller’s just following the facts

Also posted in Robert Mueller, Russia

Andrew McCabe Trumped

Like former FBI director James Comey, I was fired as deputy director by order of Donald Trump, and like Comey I’d written what Trump told me and passed the poisonous brew to special prosecutor Robert Mueller. I’d like to thank former CIA director John Brennan, who tweets like Trump would if he were literate, for […]

Also posted in CIA, FBI, James Comey, Robert Mueller

Gun Safety in the Classroom

I love living and going to high school in a beautiful California town by the sea where my favorite teacher is Mr. Smith. He’s also got eleven years of experience as a reserve police officer and really knows a lot about guns. This morning, in his administration of justice class, he’s showing us how to […]

Also posted in Guns, Mental Health, Murder

The Right Walls

i don’t like california but it’s great to be here at the border where i’m looking at prototypes of eight wonderful walls i’ll chose from to save countless lives and hundreds of billions of dollars and that’s how mexico’s really paying for our wall

Also posted in California, Immigration, Mexico

Jeff Sessions Invades California

Jefferson Beauregard Sessions, the Alabama-bred former judge and senator who’s now attorney general of the United States, gallops his white steed to the Capitol steps in Sacramento, dismounts, and, bugle in hand, blows a sound that compels local dogs to howl and political workers to cover their ears. Charging out the door and down the […]

Also posted in California, Immigration, Jeff Sessions, Jerry Brown

Clean GOP Election

intelligent republicans on house committee declare trump team didn’t collude with russians intelligent democrats say republicans refused to subpoena bank phone and other relevant records

Also posted in Russia, Vladamir Putin

Calling Rex Tillerson

Listen, I already told you all I’m not going to let anyone damage this smooth-running administration by forcing me to admit I called Donald Trump a moron. I have great respect and affection for the president, and hope he feels the same about me. It’s my duty to tell him the Iran nuclear deal is […]

Also posted in Kim Jong-Un, Korea, Mike Pompeo, Rex Tillerson

Presidential Fire

yeah that’s right i told some republican politicians they were scared of the nra but i’m not i just had a couple of meetings and decided it’s better we keep letting kids eighteen buy assault weapons

Also posted in Guns, Mental Health, Murder, NRA

Maxine Trump

maxine waters wants to impeach me for nothing because she’s a low iq individual says the donald donald trump’s a con man been one all his life and loves dictators and repression maxine counters

Also posted in Maxine Waters

Trump Shock

hold it i thought south korea said kim jong un promised to denuclearize but maybe he just wants to talk about it and i’d look dumb

Also posted in Kim Jong-Un, Korea, Nuclear Weapons

Big Boys to Meet

(The following are transcripts of recent, and quite separate, private utterances by the world’s two most feared warriors.) Donald Trump – Other presidents didn’t have the guts to negotiate with Kim Jong Un or his father or grandfather but I’ve got brass balls, and my threats to completely destroy his country have scared the Little […]

Also posted in Kim Jong-Un, Korea, Muammar Gaddafi, Nuclear Weapons, Saddam Hussein

Trade Warrior

republicans extremely worried about tariffs trump relaxed because trade wars easy to win

Also posted in Economics, Trade

Reform McConnell

mitch mcconnell hot on banking reform cold on guns

Also posted in Crime, Guns, Mitch McConnell, Murder

William F. Buckley: 1925-2008

William F. Buckley National Review Dear Mr. Buckley, Despite being a liberal who never met you, except through Firing Line and your columns, I still miss your wit and charm and, let us not fail to mention, your convoluted but entertaining proclamations about conservative rectitude. As noted by some of those fortunate to have known […]

Also posted in Mitt Romney, William F. Buckley

Gun Checklist

Most citizens have already formulated and memorized their gun checklists. I’m writing mine down. 1. No one under age twenty-one can buy any gun. Nikolas Cruz, the deranged school shooter in Parkland, Florida, was nineteen. End of discussion. If you can’t support this sane law, Senator Marco Rubio, resign your seat. 2. Establish a universal […]

Also posted in Crime, Guns, Marco Rubio, Murder, NRA, Poverty

Trump Surge

hey hope you’ve noticed my approval’s back over forty percent and people like my economy and jobs and tax cuts so you tell me which demo can beat me in three years

Also posted in Campaign 2020, Economics, Employment

Wayne LaPierre Visits Trump

America’s protector in chief, Wayne LaPierre, enters the White House and, as a secret service agent approaches, waves go away. “It’s okay, I’m only packing a pistol.” “Excuse me, sir, but no one’s permitted to bear a firearm when entering the Oval Office.” “Listen, son, I’m head of the NRA that donated more than thirty […]

Also posted in Guns, Mental Health, Murder, NRA, Wayne LaPierre

Fortifying Schools

I’m dynamic General Jones on my way to becoming Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff. Before I get there, right away, in fact, I’m going to unveil my blueprint for fortifying our schools, arming our educators, and protecting our children from the insanity and violence of those who misuse some of the most wonderful […]

Also posted in Guns, Mental Health, Murder, NRA

Trump Victimized

trump tweets fbi so busy framing me for colluding with russia it failed to follow up signals from florida school shooter

Also posted in Guns, Mental Health, Murder

NRA Praises AR-15 Rifle

As I write this on Sunday afternoon, four days after deranged Nikolas Cruz used an AR-15 semi-automatic rifle to massacre seventeen former high school classmates in Parkland, Florida, I again check the National Rifle Association website – NRA.org – and still predictably find nothing about another national tragedy. Instead, the NRA has reposted an article […]

Also posted in Guns, Mental Health, Murder, NRA

Stimulation

impotent old shooters stroke their guns

Also posted in Guns, Mental Health, Murder, NRA

Trump Arms Mentally Ill

why did trump overturn obama-era regulation making it more difficult for mentally ill to get guns NBC News story about Trump and this issue

Also posted in Barack Obama, Guns, Mental Health, Murder, NRA

Trump Tweets Rob Porter

I’m tweeting and shouting that lives and careers are being shattered by mere allegations, some true, some false, some new, some old, and I want to know what happened to due process. Doesn’t Rob Porter deserve to be innocent until proven guilty? Sure, I’m the big boss but retired general John Kelly, my chief of […]

Also posted in Dating, Domestic Violence, John Kelly, Marriage, Sex

Trump Justice

There’s no need for you or me to get confused by this legal mumbo jumbo the liberals are throwing at us. It’s all very simple. I did not hire Russian hookers, while visiting their great country, to pee on the bed African Obama once slept in. I did not sleep with Vladimir Putin or Stormy […]

Also posted in Barack Obama, FBI, James Comey, Korea, Nuclear Weapons, Russia, Vladimir Putin

State of Trump

Look at Paul Ryan trying so hard not to smile, in his seat behind me, as he thanks Heaven he no longer has to frown throughout a State of the Union speech by Barack Obama. Like all true citizens, Ryan knows under my leadership our country is enjoying a “new tide of optimism… incredible progress […]

Also posted in Barack Obama, China, Crime, Immigration, Mexico, Nuclear Weapons, Paul Ryan, Russia, Terrorism, Trade

Manila Bulletin Posts “Martin Luther King Meets Trump”

Manila Bulletin columnist Jose Abeto Zaide, former Philippine ambassador to Germany and France, has posted another of my columns: “Martin Luther King Meets Trump” Read about the raucous 2016 presidential campaign in “King Donald”

Also posted in George Thomas Clark, Jose Abeto Zaide, Martin Luther King

Martin Luther King Visits Trump

Speeding in a golf court on a splendid golf course not far from presidential palace Mar-a-Lago, Martin Luther King steered toward the executive foursome and braked hard, skidding along the grass behind the fifth tee just as President Donald Trump began his downswing. Trump dribbled the ball about twenty yards and spun to scream, “Hey, […]

Also posted in Barack Obama, China, Iran, Korea, Martin Luther King, Nuclear Weapons, Russia, Vietnam

Trump Immigration

the donald says he’s not racist but wonders why u.s. brings in haitins and people from shitholes in africa TRUMP CLARIFIES I’m not the person the media’s portraying me to be and am as far from being a racist as you can get. Okay, in private I did talk a little tough about immigration, but […]

Also posted in Africa, Haiti, Immigration

Admiral Yamamoto in Korea

We’ll talk about North Korea in a minute but first you should know I love the sea and more Kawai especially when I’m in Tokyo out of uniform in her arms. I tell her about studying at Harvard two happy years, and likewise two incisive years as naval attaché in Washington, D. C. I like […]

Also posted in China, Isoroku Yamamoto, Japan, Kim Jong-Un, Korea, Nuclear Weapons, Tripartite Pact, World War II

Trump Button

my nuclear button’s bigger than yours

Also posted in Kim Jong-Un, Korea, Nuclear Weapons

Rocket Man Ready

our nuclear forces are complete the magic button is on my desk happy new year

Also posted in Kim Jong-Un, Korea, Nuclear Weapons

Proud Putin

Alexei Navalny is evil man who lied and insulted me during fake campaign for president he won’t win because he’s felon convicted of corruption and our noble election commission kicked him out of race I’ll dominate since few believe Navalny’s charge his popularity is surging because Russians know struggling economy’s my fault along with problems […]

Also posted in Alexei Navalny, Crimea, Russia, Syria, Ukraine, Vladimir Putin

Trump Health

obamacare is dead long live trumpcare

Also posted in Barack Obama, Health

Trump Taxes

working poor know it’s a lie my tax cuts favor rich

Also posted in Economics, Taxes

Balls in Lithuania

I surrender. No longer can I pretend I’m uninterested in the Big Baller Ball Family. In fact, I sense I’m going to write about them whenever I get the urge. I don’t care father LaVar, aside from Donald Trump, is the most obnoxious man in the nation. It doesn’t matter he gets more publicity than […]

Also posted in Basketball, Ben Simmons, De'Aaron Fox, LaMelo Ball, LaVar Ball, Lebron James, LiAngelo Ball, Lithuania, Lonzo Ball