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Category Archives: Donald Trump

Daniella Stella for Congress

Like President Trump I’m a truth-telling patriot appalled by Rep. Ilhan Omar, the Somali traitor who I must defeat next November at the Minnesota ballot box. I shouldn’t be an unknown trying to beat a darling of the left. Omar shouldn’t even be in office. That’s why I tweeted, “If it is proven Omar passed […]

Also posted in Ilhan Omar, Twitter

Pallid Peewees

Born in New Hampshire and raised in Iowa I’m proud as hell the fine folks of my tiny states, second and fourth whitest in America, have such great influence at the start of presidential primaries. We’ve only got about one point three million citizens in the Granite State but ninety percent are the right color […]

Also posted in Campaign 2020, Iowa, New Hampshire, Population

Joe Six Pack Reports

I feel so sorry for President Trump having to listen to all these witnesses lying about Ukraine. Who the hell are Alexander Vindman, Gordon Sondland, and Fiona Hill? They’re nobodies in the spotlight only because they’re attacking the president for making sure Ukraine quits interfering in our elections like it did in 2016. Barack Obama […]

Also posted in Barack Obama, Hillary Clinton, Joe Biden, Ukraine

Donald Duck Diplomats

Don’t turn on your TV. These hearings are a bore. I don’t know why I’m even watching. Can you believe these bums the Democrats are using to smear me? Neither William Taylor nor George Kent, high-ranking but low-IQ diplomats in Ukraine, even talked to me directly about my perfect conversation with President Zelensky. And that […]

Also posted in Somalia, Ukraine

Baghdadi at the Movies

This is really exciting, like being at a movie I’m directing. I’d rather be on site close to the action, exchanging gunfire, but my generals insist I’ve got to watch from here as our several helicopters fly in low and fast before landing at a secret location in northwest Syria. About sixty elite soldiers jump […]

Also posted in Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, Iraq, ISIS, Kurds, Russia, Syria, Turkey

Vigilantes

I’m being lynched by a slobbering gang of Democrats who still won’t accept I won a landslide to become commander in chief of the United States and most of the civilized world. Every day my domestic enemies meet in secret and prepare to release more lies about me. It’s like fighting a ghost. Okay, I’m […]

Also posted in Russia, Ukraine

Tulsi Counters Hillary

Hillary Clinton says she should’ve won presidency in 2016 but lost so close races in Pennsylvania, Michigan, and Wisconsin because communist Jill Stein siphoned off critical votes. Now, Hillary hears Russians are programming computers to boost another dictator-loving witch, Tulsi Gabbard. Combat-ready Tulsi responds with eloquence that must be quoted, “You, the queen of warmongers, […]

Also posted in Hillary Clinton, Jill Stein, Tulsi Gabbard

Trump Dumps on Dems

Nothing makes me happier than watching Democrats debate each other in front of Americans who undoubtedly think the candidates are incompetent. You know there’s NO WAY any of them can beat me and they know it too. That’s why they’re pushing for the illegal and absurd impeachment of an extraordinarily successful president. That won’t work. […]

Also posted in Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, Bernie Sanders, Elizabeth Warren, Ilhan Omar, Joe Biden, Syria, Turkey, Volodymyr Zelensky

My Kurds

Democrats are going to lie and complain even when I keep my campaign promise to avoid endless foreign wars especially in the Middle East. I’m not afraid to strike the Iranians for blowing up Saudi oil. I’m just being realistic they could do it again. Now even Republicans are complaining I moved our troops out […]

Also posted in Bashar al-Assad, Iran, Kurds, NATO, Saudi Arabia, Syria, Turkey

Ukrainian Embrace

(We recently learned that three months ago President Donald Trump called Volodymyr Zelensky, president-elect of Ukraine. Highlights of their conversation follow.) “Congratulations on your great victory,” Trump tells him. “It’s a fantastic achievement the way you came from behind and won easily.” “We worked very hard and are going to drain our swamp. You’ve been […]

Also posted in Russia, Ukraine, Volodymyr Zelensky

Why Saudi Oil was Attacked

You want to know who is responsible for the drone strikes that blasted the world’s largest oil distribution facility and temporarily knocked out half of Saudi Arabia’s production. Let’s follow the trail. China, Russia, the United States, and Europeans allies bargained arduously with Iran and in 2015 the nations signed the Joint Comprehensive Plan of […]

Also posted in Iran, Iraq, Israel, Nuclear Weapons, Oil, Yemen

Land of Netanyahu

I don’t care if I lose the election. It doesn’t matter if my traitorous enemies frame me for corruption. I care only for Israel. I could have retired years ago. I’m running again only because I’ve been prime minister ten straight glorious years during which Israel has grown and gotten stronger in order to survive […]

Also posted in Benjamin Netanyahu, Israel, Palestine

Bolton Out

Late on a late summer evening at the White House, Donald Trump and John Bolton are speaking unpleasantly as they walk toward each other and by the time they’re nose to nose they’re almost shouting. “I’m the president.” “Yes, and I’m the national security adviser with decades of experience in foreign policy, and I’m telling […]

Also posted in Afghanistan, Fox News, Iran, John Bolton, Kim Jong-Un, Korea, Nuclear Weapons, Taliban

Trump Twists Netanyahu

In their private communications rooms in Washington, D.C. and Jerusalem, Donald Trump and Benjamin Netanyahu stand before movie screens and gaze at each other before breaking into smiles. “Great to see you, Mr. President. I just wish I could shake your hand.” “We’ll soon be shaking hands again, Bibi, but right now I have a […]

Also posted in Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, Benjamin Netanyahu, Ilhan Omar, Israel, Middle East, Palestine, Rashida Tlaib

Love in Dayton and El Paso

Donald Trump, clad in a red bathrobe, tiptoes down the long hall of the White House private quarters and knocks on a closed door he tries to open. It’s locked. “Melania, hurry up, almost time to go,” he says, placing his lips to the door. “I’m not going, Donald.” “You have to.” “You do. I […]

Also posted in Barack Obama, Dayton, El Paso, Fox News, Guns, Immigration, Melania Trump, Missiles, Murder, Racism

Trump Irritated by Democrat Debate

What a ridiculous debate, just like the one the night before. The Democrats don’t have anyone with remotely my star power. But that’s not their biggest problem. With their crazy policies, they couldn’t beat me if they nominated George Washington. Right away the candidates started arguing about who’d be better at spending trillions of dollars […]

Also posted in Campaign 2020, Environment, Julian Castro, Kamala Harris, Nuclear Weapons, Tulsi Gabbard

Joe Six Pack Demands Better Security After Mass Killings

I know you’re not surprised what the libtards have been shouting all week since the first of four mass shootings: ban assault rifles. That’s the last thing an American should ask for, and I’m confident most citizens understand what we really need is to arm ourselves better and always be ready to kill the bad […]

Also posted in Dayton, El Paso, Guns, Mental Health, Murder, NRA

Trump Visits Elijah Cummings

Donald Trump squeezes his Oval Office phone and calls secret service agents, ordering them to ready several black beasts for an executive motorcade to nearby Baltimore. After entering the city limits they begin passing old buildings marred by broken or boarded windows and piles of trash outside. “Look how they live,” says Trump. “Disgusting. Get […]

Also posted in Baltimore, Crime, El Salvador, Elijah Cummings, Guatemala, Honduras, Immigration, Murder, Poverty, Racism

Daughter Debates Dad

Our flat screen shows a wide stage containing ten eager presidential candidates. “Daddy, what’s a Hickenlooper?” asks my daughter. “That’s a former governor of Colorado,” I say. “What’s he doing in California?” “They’re in Detroit for a debate.” “Why?” “They’re trying to become president of the United States.” “Who’s going to win?” Jabbing my index […]

Also posted in Bernie Sanders, Campaign 2020, Elizabeth Warren, Families, Joe Biden

Trump’s Happy Tweeter

Real early this morning after another night alone I reach into my pants, grab my tweeter, and shoot too bad Robert Mueller has to subject himself to sadistic Democrats who blew two years and thirty million bucks on a phony investigation led by a guy even Michael Moore soon admits is a frail old man […]

Also posted in Melania Trump, Robert Mueller, Russia, Sex

A View from the Philippines

(This interview was conducted online with Jose Abeto Zaide, a former Philippine diplomat who during a career of more than forty years served as ambassador to Austria, Germany and France. Since retirement, he cheers from the bleachers writing a column in the Manila Bulletin.) George Thomas Clark – I checked my files and note that […]

Also posted in Diplomacy, Jose Abeto Zaide, Philippines

At the Reagan Ranch

A helicopter churns above hills covered with oaks near Santa Barbara and descends into green pasture and lands a couple hundred yards from where a man watches, mounted on his horse. When whirling blades stop, he rides up and dismounts and takes off his cowboy hat as the door opens and a heavy man in […]

Also posted in Impressionism, Lebanon, Ronald Reagan, Santa Barbara

Trump Addresses White America

Look at all you fine Americans in the arena tonight and in television land and my online universe. You know I’m no dummy and was aware three of the four congresswomen I tomahawked in tweets the other day were born in the United States. The worst of them, Ilhan Omar of Somalia, really should go […]

Also posted in Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, Ayanna Pressley, Ilhan Omar, Israel, Palestine, Racism, Rashida Tlaib, Somalia

Trump Counters British Ambassador

Shaking several papers in his hand, President Trump shouts, “What the hell are these?” “They’re quotes just leaked from private diplomatic memos by the British ambassador,” says adviser Kellyanne Conway. “Who’s that?” “Kim Darroch.” “Man or woman?” “Ambassador Darroch is a man, President Trump. And he gives great parties.” “Tell the secret service to get […]

Also posted in Diplomacy, England, Europe, Kellyanne Conway

Freedom of Trump

silicon valley better watch out either they stop censorship and bias against conservatives or they’ll face legislation i promised to fox news and other defenders of free speech at white house where google facebook and twitter weren’t invited

Also posted in Facebook, Fox News, Google, Silicon Valley, Social Media, Twitter

Putin Buries Liberalism

What great guy is Donald Trump. Finally, United States has president who understands trends of history. As new kind of candidate, Trump “saw changes in American society and took advantage of this.” He knew “Western liberalism is dying if not already dead.” Reason is simple: liberals “presuppose nothing needs to be done… Migrants can kill […]

Also posted in Japan, Russia, Vladimir Putin

Casting Director Watches Second Debate

Blessed with the insight of a soothsayer and the power of a kingmaker, I have many times selected the best stars for classic roles. I said cast Humphrey Bogart instead of Ronald Reagan in Casablanca. I picked John F. Kennedy over Richard Nixon. I decreed that Reagan replace Jimmy Carter and Bill Clinton topple George […]

Also posted in Bernie Sanders, Campaign 2020, Ivanka Trump, Joe Biden, Kamala Harris, Pete Buttigieg

Trump Analyzes First Debate

I’m busy defending freedom and building the greatest economy ever but know you’ll be fascinated by my opinions of the communist party’s first presidential debate. They have twenty stooges running, and ten are standing on stage tonight. Wait, is Julian Castro standing? He’s even shorter than schoolmarm Elizabeth Warren. The guy ought to wear high […]

Also posted in Campaign 2020, Cory Booker, Elizabeth Warren, John Bolton, Julian Castro, Mike Pompeo, Tulsi Gabbard

On the Brink

From a secret war room, national security advisor John Bolton places his pointer tipped black with an arrow on the wall map, and says, “The Strait of Hormuz is by far the most dangerous place on earth. The Iranians aren’t content to spread terror throughout the Middle East and dream about building nuclear weapons. Now […]

Also posted in Iran, Iraq, John Bolton, Nuclear Weapons, Saddam Hussein

Trump Heights

“Congratulations, President Trump,” says Benjamin Netanyahu, prime minister of Israel, speaking into a hotline. “We’ve just erected a large sign celebrating Trump Heights where the bloodthirsty Syrians claimed ownership of the Golan Heights until you said it belongs to my country. Thank you so much.” “You’re quite welcome, Bibi. Thank God for you as well […]

Also posted in Benjamin Netanyahu, Iran, Iraq, Israel, Mohammed bin Salman, Saudi Arabia, Syria

Bashing Biden

Sure, I’d listen to people from another country if they said they had important information about my political enemies. Don’t bother moralizing. You wouldn’t call the FBI, either. Stakes are too high. I’m not only making us great and guarding against terrorists, I’m fighting a very dangerous guy at home. Actually, Joe Biden would only […]

Also posted in Abortion, Campaign 2020, China, Hillary Clinton, Iowa, Joe Biden, Nikolai Lenin, Trade

William Barr Declares

i’m attorney general of u.s. you know and happy explaining to cbs that eleven counts of possible obstruction in mueller report don’t matter because he also said he couldn’t say whether or not president clearly violated law but my department of justice analyzed and determined that as matter of law evidence was deficient and many […]

Also posted in Robert Mueller, Russia, William Barr

Abraham Trump

I love Jon Voight and know you do too. He’s a wonderful Academy Award winning actor and has great political insight he often displays especially when he recently said I’m the greatest American president since Abraham Lincoln. Frankly, I agree. Honest Abe and I are two peas in a pod. He freed the slaves and […]

Also posted in Abraham Lincoln, Jon Voight, Movies

Curtains

a fight’s the last thing i want but if iran starts something that’ll be the official end of the whole damn country

Also posted in Iran

Donald Mellows

Lighten up. I’m not really planning to go to war with Iran. I hope I don’t have to. I just want them to think I’m ready. The Iranians know John Bolton and Mike Pompeo want war but are also aware I’ve got people around me who’re doves compared to those two. Nobody’s going to push […]

Also posted in Iran, Iraq, Kim Jong-Un, Korea, Nancy Pelosi, Nuclear Weapons

Badass John Bolton

I must tell you that we are in great danger because the Iranians are planning to attack American personnel in the Middle East. This I know because I’m very shrewd analyzing intelligence, and that’s how I knew Saddam Hussein had weapons of mass destruction and was preparing to start World War III. Every day I […]

Also posted in Dick Cheney, George Thomas Clark, Iran, Iraq, Israel, John Bolton, Nuremberg, Saddam Hussein, Vienna, Yemen

Putin Hosts Kim Jong Un

In Vladivostok, on cold east Russian shore of western Pacific, I greet President Kim, who traveled almost seven hundred miles in armored train. I hope someday he will have airplane so he can go places rapidly. This afternoon, at our summit meeting, flanked by interpreters, I smile and motion for Kim to please sit down. […]

Also posted in Iran, Kim Jong-Un, Korea, Nuclear Weapons, Russia, Vladimir Putin

Trump Assesses the Democratic Candidates

I love democracy or I’d say cancel the 2020 election because all the Democrats are children compared to me and I’m going to win easily. Go ahead. Throw me some names and I’ll explain. Joe Biden – Can’t believe this wimp threatened to punch me because of my popularity with women. Look what’s happening. Even […]

Also posted in Amy Klobuchar, Bernie Sanders, Campaign 2020, Cory Booker, Elizabeth Warren, Iran, Joe Biden, Joseph McCarthy, Julian Castro, Kamala Harris, Pete Buttigieg, Roy Cohn, Tulsi Gabbard

Joe Six Pack Celebrates

By God I knew President Trump was being witch hunted by a pack of liberal dogs and am so happy the Mueller Report completely clears him of any collusion or obstruction of justice during the presidential campaign. The only people breaking the law were Democrats who spied on him. That’s what needs to be investigated. […]

Also posted in Hillary Clinton, Robert Mueller, Russia

Democratic Delusion

clinton was moderate likewise obama now demos lurch leftward off electoral cliff

Also posted in Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, Barack Obama, Bill Clinton, Elizabeth Warren

Squeaky Clean President

You know from the beginning I’ve been shouting and tweeting: “No collusion, No obstruction, complete and total EXONERATON. KEEP AMERICA GREAT!” Phony Republican investigator Robert Mueller finally had to release his report and basically admit this is the most ridiculous thing in history. It’s a shame our country and your president had to go through […]

Also posted in Hillary Clinton, Michael Cohen, Paul Manafort, Robert Mueller, Russia, Vladimir Putin

Nuclear Restoration

i’d be very disappointed in chairman kim if he’s already rebuilding rocket site he must’ve started right after hanoi but it’s very early report so we’ll see if he thinks i’m dumb he better not forget some day i’m gonna solve this

Also posted in Hanoi, Kim Jong-Un, Korea, Nuclear Weapons, Vietnam

Trump Assails Michael Cohen

I’m not going to tell you where I live but Donald Trump and his goons just pulled up in five black beasts from which they jump and Trump motions for them to encircle my house as he pounds up the walkway to kick my door. I jerk it open. “The doorbell works fine for people […]

Also posted in Donald Trump Jr., Hillary Clinton, Jared Kushner, Michael Cohen, Mike Pence, Paul Manafort, Russia, Stormy Daniels

Inside the Hanoi Summit

We’re sitting at a long polished wooden table decorated down the middle by small bouquets of flowers dividing Chairman Kim Jong Un and his staff from me and mine. I sense my brilliance and boldness will soon be needed. Eleven presidents who preceded me had sixty-five years to bring real peace to the Korean Peninsula […]

Also posted in Hanoi, Iran, Iraq, Kim Jong-Un, Korea, Mike Pompeo, Nuclear Weapons, Russia, Vietnam, Vladimir Putin

Dining with Kim Jong Un

Chairman Kim and I have dinner Wednesday night in Hanoi at the Metropole Hotel where outside lights give the place a golden look I like at night. It’s a decent five-star hotel, with rooms starting at about three hundred thirty, but not a Trump-caliber place. That’s okay, though. I think Chairman Kim will be comfortable […]

Also posted in Hanoi, Jose Abeto Zaide, Kim Jong-Un, Kim Yong Chol, Korea, Korean War, Mike Pompeo, Nuclear Weapons

Trump in Hanoi

People in Hanoi are thrilled I’m here because Kim Jong Un and I are denuclearizing the Korean Peninsula. How do I know? My gut tells me. We’ve already established a great relationship. I’m not in a rush. As long as there’s no testing, I’m happy. Sure, there’s other stuff. We’ll talk about some of it […]

Also posted in Hanoi, Kim Jong-Un, Korea, Nuclear Weapons, Vietnam

The Big Train

kim jong un’s long armored train chugs north into china then south more than two days almost three thousand miles to sino-vietnamese border where excited hosts greet him and wonder why guy with nuclear weapons travels like that

Also posted in China, Hanoi, Kim Jong-Un, Kim Yong Chol, Korea, Nuclear Weapons, Vietnam

Robert Kraft Explains

I don’t expect sympathy. I just want you to be reasonable. It should be irrelevant I’m worth six billions dollars and own the New England Patriots who’ve won six Super Bowl titles since I bought the team twenty years ago. I’m a man of seventy-seven who gets lonely more than you’d think. My wife died […]

Also posted in Florida, Football, Human Trafficking, New England Patriots, Prostitution, Robert Kraft, Sex, Slavery

State of Emergency

I’m a gambler. I’ve made billions from my casinos and know when to double down. I told Kim Jong Un I’d destroy North Korea if he continued testing ballistic missiles and exploding nuclear bombs. And I ordered renegade Iran to continue abiding by terms of our nuclear deal even after I dumped it. Just look […]

Also posted in Immigration, Iran, Kim Jong-Un, Koran, Mexico, Nuclear Weapons, Rush Limbaugh, Sean Hannity

Trump Denounces Bezos

I’m not only protecting you against invaders I’m battling enemies right here at home. One of the most dangerous is Jeff Bezos, a lousy businessman who needed lots of luck and cheating to amass a fortune of a hundred sixty billion and employ six hundred thousand people. The United States Postal Service subsidizes Bezos and […]

Also posted in Amazon.com, Divorce, Infidelity, Jeff Bezos, Karen McDougal, Marriage, National Enquirer, Sex, Taxes, Washington Post

State of the Trump

Look at those Democratic ladies dressed in white flags of surrender during my State of the Union address. They know I’ve given Americans their best wages in decades and an economy growing almost twice as fast as when I took office. Some say I inherited a good economy. Not as good as the one we’ve […]

Also posted in Afghanistan, China, Employment, Iran, Iraq, Kim Jong-Un, Korea, Middle East, Nuclear Weapons, Russia

Summit Meeting

“Mr. President, may I please have a word with you?” says a young man, standing in the open door frame of the Oval Office. Trump glances up and immediately rises and walks to shake the visitor’s hand. “Dr. King, I wasn’t expecting you.” “I visited you last year on this occasion and intend to do […]

Also posted in Immigration, Martin Luther King, Mexico, Nancy Pelosi

Pelosi v. Trump

I’m back in the saddle, as Speaker of the House, and heading for the airport to lead a delegation to Egypt and Afghanistan. My cell phone vibrates in my purse. “Speaker Pelosi, you can’t go overseas,” says an urgent aide. “I can do whatever I want.” “President Trump says you must reschedule ‘this public relations […]

Also posted in Boxing, Immigration, Mexico, Nancy Pelosi

Mike Pompeo Preaches in Cairo

(Highlights from the recent Cairo speech by Secretary of State Mike Pompeo) I’m always eager to visit Egypt, a land I know so well, and am especially happy this time because I’m an evangelical Christian arriving soon after the Coptic Church celebrated Christmas here in beautiful Cairo. “We are all children of Abraham: Christians, Muslims, […]

Also posted in Barack Obama, Bashar al-Assad, Egypt, Iran, Iraq, Middle East, Mike Pompeo, Saudi Arabia, Syria, Yemen

Don Junior Hunts Reporter

I’m a sharpshooting stud who all over the world has killed many beasts including leopards, elephants, buffaloes, deer, bighorn sheep, foxes, and plenty more. I also know a helluva lot about security and expect you to pay attention when I write, “You know why you can enjoy a day at the zoo? Because walls work.” […]

Also posted in Africa, Animals, Deer, Donald Trump Jr., Elephants, Guns, Hunters, Immigration, Mexico

Ocasio-Cortez Visits Trump

From his Oval Office chair Donald Trump rises and winks, smiling as he says, “Thanks for coming, Alexandria.” “It’s my duty,” says first-term Congresswoman Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez. “Please, sit down.” “Which chair?” “Any one you want.” After seating herself she says, “I’m surprised you invited me.” “I’m not worried you’re a socialist, Alexandria. The most important […]

Also posted in Medicare, Socialism

Trump Counterpunches Mitt Romney

Oh, Christ, here comes Mr. Holy Pants, Mitt Romney, a freshman senator arriving in the town I own and craving the job I have, and right away he writes a column for the Washington Post, complaining I lack the character and knowledge to be president. He believes I don’t “demonstrate the essential qualities of honesty […]

Also posted in Barack Obama, Campaign 2016, Campaign 2020, James Mattis, John Kelly, Mitt Romney

Dick Cheney Reviews Vice

I expected cheap shots and lies from liberals and they unloaded bundles in Vice, their movie about me. Right away they gleefully recalled I had a couple of drunk driving arrests as a young man and dropped out of Yale to repair power lines and almost got dumped by my fiancée, Lynne. At least they […]

Also posted in 9/11, Al Qaeda, Christian Bale, Dick Cheney, Donald Rumsfeld, Fox News, Franklin Roosevelt, George H. W. Bush, George W. Bush, Henry Kissinger, Iraq, Lyndon Johnson, Movies, Osama bin Laden, Richard Nixon, Roger Ailes, Saddam Hussein, Tony Blair

Federal Reserve Trumps Stock Market

my greatest ever stock market and economy would’ve continued up and up if fed understood interest rates strong dollars and trade wars but they’re like powerful golfers who can’t putt

Also posted in Economics, Federal Reserve, Stock Market, Trade

James Mattis Writes to Trump

Dear Mr. President, You have the right to a secretary of defense who, like you, does not understand that “our strength as a nation is inextricably linked to the strength of our unique and comprehensive system of alliances.” You have the right, no matter how shortsighted and crude, to disrespect and even insult our traditional […]

Also posted in China, Europe, James Mattis, Korea, Nuclear Weapons, Russia

Ultimatum Trump

either fund my wonderful berlin wall or i’m shutting down federal government

Also posted in Cold War, Germany, Immigration, Mexico

Trump is Right about Sex

I’ve combatted Donald Trump since the 2015 day he crawled down an escalator to launch his presidential campaign founded on division and bigotry but right now I’m compelled to say this in his behalf as well as yours. It’s no one’s damn business when consenting adults get laid in private. Blue nose politicians should have […]

Also posted in Karen McDougal, Michael Cohen, Sex, Stormy Daniels

Strategic Nuclear Trump

I know so much more than my generals I can’t remember all the areas where I’m superior but I sure understand way more about nuclear weapons and how to deal with Iran and North Korea. You probably heard I’ve been choking Iran with sanctions, especially after I bailed out of that horrible nuclear deal. I […]

Also posted in Iran, Kim Jong-Un, Korea, Nuclear Weapons

Vladimir Digs Mohammed

at g20 summit putin thrills pariah mohammed bin salman with handshakes and smiles

Also posted in Argentina, Mohammed bin Salman, Russia, Saudi Arabia, Vladimir Putin

Guardian Trump

After ducking big rocks, my brave forces weren’t firing tear gas and rubber bullets at women and children charging my beautiful concertina-wire border. They were stopping hordes of invaders, mostly adult males, who would destroy the paradise that we European Americans have created. I made the truth clear. I’ll close the whole border with Mexico. […]

Also posted in El Salvador, Guatemala, Honduras, Immigration, John F. Kennedy, Lyndon Johnson, Mexico, Richard Nixon, Ronald Reagan

Yemen Saved?

trump and mohammed bin salman mourn bipartisan senate vote to stop their slaughter of yemenis

Also posted in Mohammed bin Salman, Saudi Arabia, Yemen

Trump Climate

i read little of climate report from three hundred scientists and then shoved it into dark place

Also posted in Environment

Trump Economics

my tax cuts increased deficits while trade wars inflated steel cutting five gm plants in u.s. and fourteen thousand jobs

Also posted in Cars & Driving, Detroit, Economics, Employment, Michigan, Ohio, Taxes, Trade

Thanksgiving Concertina

I know you troops stationed overseas are excited to hear my voice address you from luxurious Mar-a-Lago where I’m ready to throw up my turkey dinner because of disgraceful judges who tell us how to protect our border. These wimps are often Californians who support sanctuary cities and liberal asylum laws that have allowed millions […]

Also posted in California, Immigration, Mexico

Franz von Papen to John Roberts

“John Roberts, chief justice of the Supreme Court, I’ve been waiting for you to speak up.” “Who’s calling?” “This is Franz von Papen.” “I’ve heard your name but can’t quite place your position,” Roberts says. “I was vice chancellor of Germany in June 1934 when I took big risks to give a speech calling for […]

Also posted in Adolf Hitler, Franz von Papen, Hitler Here, John Roberts, Supreme Court

I’m No Bitch

Who the hell’s Congresswoman Tulsi Gabbard? She’s a nobody who better quit calling me “Saudi Arabia’s bitch” or I’ll soon be telling you plenty about this sneaky woman in a hula skirt who wants to be president. Let’s be honest. You love oil and you need it. You want to walk? Better thank my Saudi […]

Also posted in CIA, Iran, Jamal Khashoggi, Mohammed bin Salman, Oil, Saudi Arabia, Tulsi Gabbard

Mohammed bin Salman Swears

ignore preposterous cia claims i ordered murder and dismemberment of comrade jamal khashoggi i have real culprits in custody and five will be decapitated after receiving fair trail

Also posted in CIA, Jamal Khashoggi, Jared Kushner, Mohammed bin Salman, Saudi Arabia, Turkey

My Midterm Victories

Who’s Matt Whitaker? I guess I met him a dozen times this fall and said he’s a great guy but that doesn’t mean we’re friends. I do know he believes the Mueller investigation has gone too far and that attorney general Jeff Sessions needed to be removed in favor of someone who’d cut Mueller’s budget […]

Also posted in Florida, Jeff Sessions, Matt Whitaker, North Dakota

Trump Tweets Golden State

shape up california you’re burning billions of federal dollars and still can’t fight deadly fires only way i can teach you is to cut off funding and warn you to quit calling me ignorant

Also posted in California, Fires

Thousand Oaks Nightmare

former marine throws smoke grenades into thousand oaks nightclub and opens fire again compelling responsible citizens to ask why is anyone allowed to own extra-capacity magazines and other weapons of mass destruction

Also posted in Guns, Mental Health, Murder, NRA

Trump on Election Day

I’m up early because I couldn’t sleep last night after Sean Hannity shined my butt at an election rally and now my tweeter’s hotter than ever telling patriots this Republican candidate’s great and that one’s wonderful and those others are important and it’s vital to get out and vote because my name is really the […]

Also posted in Economics, Employment, Fox News, Immigration, Kim Jong-Un, Korea, Mexico, Russia, Sean Hannity, Vladimir Putin

Trump Mobilizes

As Latin American hordes march toward our borders I every day feel more like Abraham Lincoln and Franklin Roosevelt, two other presidents who faced threats that could’ve destroyed our nation. And like those heroic presidents, I am responding with bravery and vigor. I’m mobilizing our troops for war. At first I thought five thousand soldiers […]

Also posted in Abraham Lincoln, Central America, Franklin Roosevelt, Immigration, Mexico

Jair Bolsonaro Seizes Brazil

Brazilians love me and several weeks ago thousands at a rally were carrying me toward victory when a deranged man crept through the masses, lunged, and stabbed me in the abdomen. I grimaced but otherwise remained calm, as people would expect of a former military officer, and soon I realized the wound, though serious, was […]

Also posted in Brazil, Europe, Jair Bolsonaro, South America

Trump Timing

it’s only a coincidence i’m sending five thousand troops to the border the day before midterm elections

Also posted in Immigration, Mexico

Slaughter in the Synagogue

I bet you haven’t heard of Gab.com but you should. This website is committed “to defend free expression and liberty online for all people.” Facebook and Twitter are afraid to do that. They deny the truth, which is that most of the world doesn’t want white people to survive. I’m not afraid to say and […]

Also posted in Adolf Hitler, Auschwitz, Central America, Gab.com, Holocaust, Immigration, Jews, Murder, NRA, Pittsburgh, Robert Bowers, Terrorism

NRA Praises AR-15 Rifle

(This column was originally posted in February 2018 after the slaughter at Parkland High School in Florida. The AR-15 was the mass murderer’s weapon of choice. Yesterday, Saturday October 27, 2018, another killer selected an AR-15 before he entered a synagogue in Pittsburgh. It has become the madman’s favorite weapon. There are many issues about […]

Also posted in Guns, Murder, NRA

Meet Cesar Sayoc

Uufff. Just one more set. Got to keep my muscles big and bigger so I can be a stripper or, more likely in my fifties, a bouncer. I’m a tough guy. I know about wrestling and mixed martial arts. I haven’t been using those skills recently, though, because I’m a witty guy and been working […]

Also posted in Barack Obama, Bill Clinton, Bombs, Cesar Sayac, Eric Holder, George Soros, Hillary Clinton, Robert De Niro, Terrorism

Rush Limbaugh Speaks

I love being fat and famous and talking out of my ass. Listen. We just don’t do this. Republicans don’t make bombs and mail them to enemies of freedom like Obama and the Clintons and CNN. That’s the low-rent style of liberal conspirators desperate to smear conservatives before the midterms.

Also posted in Barack Obama, Bill Clinton, CNN, Radio, Rush Limbaugh

Everyone’s Crazy

We’re all lucky Trump enters politics and tells us Barack Obama was born in Kenya and is quite different and ruining the country with Obamacare and debt and Bill Clinton’s a sexual predator and we should lock up Crooked Hillary and that CNN and others are fake news, look right over there he points at […]

Also posted in Barack Obama, Bill Clinton, Brett Kavanaugh, China, George Soros, Hillary Clinton, Iran, Maxine Waters, Nuclear Weapons, Russia

Lopez Obrador Calls Trump

(This morning President-elect Lopez Obrador of Mexico called President Trump. On a third line I served as translator.) Andres Manuel Lopez Obrador – President Trump, please don’t do anything rash before we’ve had time to meet. Donald Trump – Thanks for calling but let’s keep in mind you’re not the president yet and won’t be […]

Also posted in Andres Manuel Lopez Obrador, El Salvador, Guatemala, Honduras, Immigration, Mexico

Stop That Caravan

(Last night I visited the White House to talk to President Trump about immigration. He offered ten minutes and demanded I not ask him about Saudi Arabia. I agreed.) Donald Trump – You’ve read my tweets. Everybody reads them. There’s a caravan of four thousand migrant criminals from Honduras, El Salvador, and Guatemala headed this […]

Also posted in Barack Obama, El Salvador, Guatemala, Honduras, Immigration, Mexico, Saudi Arabia

Mohammed bin Salman Explains

I’m mad as can be at some of my generals, advisers, security agents, consular secretaries, and others. Their recent incompetence has temporarily tarnished my stellar reputation. I would’ve cleared up this whole mess two weeks ago if these rogues hadn’t deceived me. First they told me Jamal Khashoggi rapidly took care of his fiancé-related paperwork […]

Also posted in Istanbul, Jamal Khashoggi, Mohammed bin Salman, Saudi Arabia, Turkey

A Note to the Saudi Arabian Embassy in Washington, D.C.

To the diplomats of Saudi Arabia, Please read with an open mind the five stories I have so far written about the murder of Jamal Khashoggi. I realize in sending you these opinions I’m unlikely to be welcomed in Saudi Arabia or any Saudi embassy or consulate. Jamal Khashoggi file on GeorgeThomasClark.com May the Saudis […]

Also posted in Jamal Khashoggi, Mohammed bin Salman, Saudi Arabia

Trump Update on Khashoggi

I’m just being very fair and careful by not allowing any more of this guilty until proven innocent garbage like happened to Brett Kavanaugh. But don’t forget, I already said we’re going to get to the bottom of this. And we are. The Saudis aren’t going to make a jackass out of me, and liberals […]

Also posted in Brett Kavanaugh, Iran, Jamal Khashoggi, Mohammed bin Salman, Saudi Arabia, Turkey

Smiling in Saudi Arabia

I love being Mike Pompeo because, as secretary of state, I get lots of exciting jobs. Today I’m in Saudi Arabia with young Crown Prince Mohammed bin Salman. We’re two husky fellows – don’t call us fat – and we’re very happy and smiling big. We really like each other and we love each other’s […]

Also posted in Iran, Istanbul, Jamal Khashoggi, Mike Pompeo, Mohammed bin Salman, Saudi Arabia, Turkey, Yemen

Saudi Explanation

All right, everybody, I just got off the phone with the King of Saudi Arabia and he flatly denied he has any knowledge of whatever may have happened to his “Saudi Arabian citizen.” He’s trying to help, though, and said he thinks Jamal Khashoggi may have been a victim of fifteen “rogue killers” who flew […]

Also posted in Jamal Khashoggi, Mohammed bin Salman, Saudi Arabia

Fair and Balanced

A little after one p.m. today Fox News is offering the following headlines: Elizabeth Warren’s DNA test mocked… average Native-American link could be stronger Dems poised for historic, post mid-term push to oust Trump if House retaken Democrats prove they are the party of exploiting women Robert De Niro offended by behavior of Trump and […]

Also posted in Alec Baldwin, Elizabeth Warren, Fox News, Robert De Niro

Brian Kemp Defends Democracy

Patriotic Georgians are going to elect this good old boy governor because I’m so conservative I run ads (explosion in background) to blow up government spending. I own lots of guns (see all those behind me and the one I’m cocking) that no one’s taking away. My chain saw’s ready (it starts right away) to […]

Also posted in Barack Obama, Brian Kemp, Georgia, Guns, Stacey Abrams

Calling Donald Trump

“Is it really him?” asks Donald Trump. “It certainly sounds like the man I’ve often spoken to,” says an unnamed advisor. “Hand me the phone. This is President Trump. Is this really Jamal Khashoggi?” “It is,” says the caller. “Are you all right?” “No, President Trump, I am not.” “There’ve been some pretty bad stories […]

Also posted in Iran, Jamal Khashoggi, Mohammed bin Salman, Yemen

Kavanaugh Begins

I just got sworn onto the Supreme Court and vowed to seek to be a force for stability and unity. The Supreme Court is an institution of law. It is not a partisan or political institution. The Justices do not sit on opposite sides of an aisle. Ken Starr and Donald Trump and my guys […]

Also posted in Bill Clinton, Brett Kavanaugh, Hillary Clinton, Sex, Supreme Court

Kavanaugh Confirmed

God, I’m a rock star like there’s never been and so happy to be your incredible president here in excited Topeka. Hello, Kansas. I know you’re thrilled that this afternoon the Senate confirmed Brett Kavanaugh to the United States Supreme Court and I already signed his commission. He’s a great man and will sit proudly […]

Also posted in Brett Kavanaugh, Kansas, Sex, Supreme Court

Senator Kennedy Bongs Democrats

Democrats who’ve been smoking bongs sometimes ask if I’m President John Kennedy. No, I say, I’m Senator John Kennedy of Louisiana, a righteous and God-fearing Republican, and I want you Demos to sober up and admit that no amount of FBI investigation of Judge Brett Kavanaugh will ever satisfy you. I don’t think some of […]

Also posted in Alcohol, Brett Kavanaugh, Marijuana, Sex, Supreme Court

Trump Thrills Mississippi

I love traveling around this huge country I’ve made great again and speaking to the honest working people who love me and wait hours to get into my rallies. They know I’m one of them even though I’m really rich and have spent most of my life in luxurious places around other wealthy people and […]

Also posted in Brett Kavanaugh, Defense Budget, Economics, Health, Immigration, Memphis, Mississippi, Sex, Supreme Court

The Kavanaugh Defense

Yeah, I liked beer in high school and college. Didn’t you, Senator? No, I never passed out. I just went to sleep. That’s not blacking out. How about you, Senator, do you black out when drinking. Okay, you don’t have a drinking problem and neither do I and I never did. It doesn’t matter that […]

Also posted in American Bar Association, Bill Clinton, Brett Kavanaugh, Lawyers, Sex, Supreme Court

Donald The Defender

Oh, Jesus, here comes another one. First, Christine Blasey Ford says when she was a drunken chick of fifteen Brett Kavanaugh locked her up and groped her at a high school party in a year and house she can’t remember. You know damn well that’s political. And it’s totally political that Deborah Ramirez, another hard-drinker, […]

Also posted in Brett Kavanaugh, New York Times, New Yorker