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Category Archives: Donald Trump

Hurricane Donald

I’m always on duty so I can squeeze tweets that give you the most important opinion in the world. Right now as Hurricane Florence batters the Carolinas you need to know I “got A pluses for our recent hurricane work in Texas and Florida” and should have gotten the same in Puerto Rico but the […]

Also posted in Hurricanes, North Carolina, Puerto Rico, South Carolina

Trump Investigates Op-Ed Leaker

Like a water buffalo President Trump marches back and forth in front of top aides in the White House ballroom, waits till he senses fear, and roars, “I’m going to give lie detector tests to every one of you then have you strip searched, whatever it takes to find out who wrote that lying Op-Ed […]

Also posted in New York Times

Trump Swings in Kern County

Donald Trump is visiting Republican hotbed Bakersfield where native son and House majority leader Kevin McCarthy hosts him. After thrilling a crowd of believers downtown, Trump says, “Kevin, it’s hotter than hell. Is it any better up in those hills I can barely see?” “Sure, Tehachapi’s a lot cooler and you can breathe.” “Let’s go.” […]

Also posted in Basketball, Cesar Chavez, Golf, Kern County, Kevin McCarthy, Tehachapi

Google Trump

Standing next to his computer in the Oval Office, Donald Trump declares, “It’s a disgrace Google rigs search results to show bad stories about me when users search Trump News. You know that can’t be right. Liberal fake news organizations like the Washington Post and CNN always pop onscreen while the fair conservative news media […]

Also posted in Bing, CNN, Google, Ivanka Trump, Larry Page, Sergey Brin, Washington Post, Yahoo

Call from Above

Pushing the telephone at her husband, she says, “Donald, John McCain wants to speak to you.” “Knock it off, Melania.” She puts the phone to her ear and listens again. “He insists, Donald.” “I don’t like pranks,” he says, taking the phone. “Who the hell’s this? You want the secret service on your tail.” “Look […]

Also posted in Barack Obama, Cancer, Health, Insurance, John McCain, Melania Trump, Vietnam

Does Donald Trump Always Pay?

From his desk in the Oval Office, President Trump hollers, “Ivanka, that bastard published the same article again.” She hurries into the room. “Which one?” “The guy from USA Today who says I don’t pay lots of people who worked for me.” “Here, Dad, let’s print out a copy and review the accusations.” Trump reclines […]

Also posted in Attorneys, Ivanka Trump, Trump University, USA Today

Trump Counterattacks Cohen

Can you believe that bum Michael Cohen? I virtually pulled him off the streets and hired him as my personal attorney and made him an important part of the Trump organization, the best in the world. He learned how I operated and I trusted him with confidential information for more than ten years. Now he’s […]

Also posted in Barack Obama, Karen McDougal, Michael Cohen, Stormy Daniels

Trump Hosts Manafort and Cohen

Arriving in separate helicopters, two consiglieres shake hands and enter a van that rushes through dark streets and delivers them to the rear of the White House. Four secret service agents escort them inside and up to the private quarters of President Donald Trump. “We gonna have any privacy here?” asks former Trump lawyer and […]

Also posted in Karen McDougal, Michael Cohen, Paul Manafort, Russia, Stormy Daniels, Vladamir Putin

General MacArthur Revisits North Korea

I returned to the Philippines and even returned to the United States after an absence of fourteen years. But, regretfully, I have yet to return to Korea. I saved the Korean people, you’re no doubt aware. Communist hordes from the north, materially aided by the Chinese and Russians, invaded south and almost swept our disorganized […]

Also posted in Douglas MacArthur, Harry Truman, Hiroshima, Kim Jong-Un, Korea, Korean War, Nagasaki, Nuclear Weapons

Omarosa Manigault Writes a Book

I love being on The Apprentice with Donald Trump. We have great chemistry. My beauty and charm energize him and he helps me become rich and famous on TV and later hires me to attract blacks during the presidential campaign and then as Director of African American Outreach in the White House. I’ve got so […]

Also posted in John Kerry, Omarosa Manigault

Melania Defends LeBron James

Soaring through the heavens in mighty Air Force One, President Donald Trump grabs his tweeter and writes, “LeBron James was just interviewed by the dumbest man on television, Don Lemon. He made LeBron look smart, which isn’t easy to do. I like Mike!” Two minutes later, grim and squeezing her pink tweeter, Melania Trump rushes […]

Also posted in Basketball, CNN, Education, Fox News, Lebron James, Marriage, Melania Trump

Trump Reimposes Sanctions

Good morning, America. I stand tall and tough before you to announce I’m reimposing nuclear-related sanctions against Iran. These sanctions had been lifted by the Obama administration and other misguided leaders in Russia, China, Germany, France, Great Britain, and the European Union. Unlike me, they did not realize the Joint Comprehensive Plan of Action is […]

Also posted in China, England, France, Germany, Iran, Nuclear Weapons, Russia

Donald in the Dark

fake news lies i’m worried my wonderful son met with russians to get information on crooked hillary this is done all the time and i didn’t know

Also posted in Donald Trump Jr., Hillary Clinton, Robert Mueller, Russia

The Booming Economy

(These are highlights from my conversation with an economist who graduated from an elite university, served on public policy staffs during the administrations of Richard Nixon and Gerald Ford, and later consulted international businesses.) George Thomas Clark – Okay, I read your recent newspaper columns about economics and foreign policy, respectively. You emphasize what President […]

Also posted in Asia, China, Economics, Employment, Immigration, Mexico, Russia

Pastors Visit White House

Thank you inner city pastors for being black and brown in my White House so I can tell you I’ve cut taxes, reduced regulations, increased American industry, and promoted manufacturing to create almost four million jobs since I was elected, lowering black and Hispanic unemployment rates to lowest levels in recorded history.

Also posted in Employment, Religion

Trump Pumps White Fertility

Worried and nervous but with hope I turn on my television to watch President Donald Trump, wearing pajamas in the White House presidential bedroom, speak about our national crisis. “Sometimes I wish I had a way to address an all-white audience,” he says. “If you’re nonwhite I can’t prevent you from listening but be forewarned […]

Also posted in Birth Control, Melania Trump, Population

Joe Six Pack Reports

I’m excited looking at an email from Team Trump. They need our participation “because we’re close enough to change everything.” And we have to. “Illegal voting in the United States wreaks havoc with elections. Every election… it seems we rarely get our candidates elected.” Damn right “it’s time we do something about this.” Team Trump […]

Also posted in Barack Obama, Economics, Employment, George W. Bush, Guns, Immigration, Iran, Korea, Mexico, Michael Cohen, Nuclear Weapons, Robert Mueller, Russia, Stock Market, Vladimir Putin

Confronting Michael Cohen

Betrayed by his friend and employer Donald Trump, besieged by the media, and hounded by prosecutors, attorney Michael Cohen silently escaped and now endures another solitary night in his New York hideaway, studying mounds of documents he prays the feds won’t discover and listening to explosive tapes only he and Trump know about. Many unpleasant […]

Also posted in Karen McDougal, Michael Cohen, Robert Mueller, Russia, Stormy Daniels

Michael Cohen Explains

trump asks what kind of lawyer records his client cohen responds a lawyer you plan to sacrifice

Also posted in Karen McDougal, Michael Cohen, Russia, Sex, Stormy Daniels

Wild Trump Video

As a Russian intelligence agent and aficionado of good educational TV, I was at first intrigued by excited commentators on CNN and MSNBC who proclaimed they had an audio tape that offered a stunning conversation between Donald Trump and his legal consigliore Michael Cohen. They instead broadcast a barely audible and utterly boring conversation about […]

Also posted in Karen McDougal, Michael Cohen, Pornography, Russia, Sex, Stormy Daniels, Television, Vladamir Putin

Trump Logic

trump claims in midterms russians will push hard for demos they definitely don’t want trump

Also posted in Russia, Vladimir Putin

Trump Caps Rouhani

President Trump’s not screaming. He hopes he isn’t or someone may hear. He’s just having another bad dream. Maybe he wouldn’t have so many if he weren’t so damn lonely. Only losers are lonely. He’s a winner so that can’t be the problem. He’s just under a lot of stress. He starts to relax but […]

Also posted in Hassan Rouhani, Iran, Kim Jong-Un, Korea, Nuclear Weapons

Kim Calls Vladimir Putin

Today, in my secret laboratory, I’m listening in stereophonic sound as Kim Jong Un speaks into a phone and says, “Congratulations on your meeting with Donald Trump.” “Thank you, Chairman Kim,” says Vladimir Putin. “Trump and I communicated quite well, and he’s already invited me to visit him.” “He’s quite eager to be to be […]

Also posted in Kim Jong-Un, Kim Yong Chol, Korea, Mike Pompeo, Nuclear Weapons, Russia, Vladamir Putin

Tough Trump

if diplomacy fails i’ll be putin’s worst nightmare unlike russian patsy obama

Also posted in Barack Obama, NATO, Russia, Vladimir Putin

Trump’s Astonishing Offer

I hope you heard when I recently referred to myself as a genius. You know I am or I wouldn’t have gotten elected and then created millions of jobs and eliminated the danger of nuclear war and done many other great things. But many of you, especially Democrats, are having trouble following my recent moves […]

Also posted in Joseph Stalin, Montenegro, NATO, Nuclear Weapons, Russia, Vladamir Putin

Stalin Summons Trump

This is entirely unfair. While I had to fight that ruthless bastard Adolf Hitler and form an alliance with shrewd but treacherous capitalists Franklin Roosevelt and Winston Churchill, my most celebrated successor, Vladimir Putin, is blessed with a world in which his strongest adversary, Donald Trump, isn’t really his enemy but his most ardent admirer. […]

Also posted in Adolf Hitler, Barack Obama, Iran, Iraq, Joseph Stalin, Korea, Nuclear Weapons, Soviet Union, Ukraine

Vladimir Putin’s Puppy

Smiling big and happy Vladimir Putin, leash in hand, leads Donald Trump, tongue wagging, onto the small stage in Helsinki, bends to unhook the choke chain around his neck, puts a treat in his mouth, and says, “Go stand behind that podium, Donald.” Trump complies, panting, and looks at his master, who says, “Good boy. […]

Also posted in FBI, Hillary Clinton, Robert Mueller, Vladimir Putin

Trump Turnberry

I love playing beautiful golf courses especially when they bear my name. Today I’m by the sea at Trump Turnberry in Scotland and ignoring orange-faced weirdos who’re jealous I’m the most powerful man in the world and just roughed up some of their Europeans leaders in Brussels. Today, I’m really having a great time. Turnberry’s […]

Also posted in Angela Merkel, Barack Obama, Golf, Iran, Korea, NATO, Scotland, Syria, Theresa May, Vladimir Putin

Trump Warns Europeans

Seated at a large table during the summit meeting in Brussels, President Donald Trump crosses his arms in a tight jacket, eyes leaders of NATO nations, and says, “I love Europeans and they love me. My wife is from Slovenia, my mother from Scotland, and my father was conceived in Germany before his parents, no […]

Also posted in Angela Merkel, Crime, England, Germany, Hungary, Immigration, Italy, London, Murder, Navy, Poland, Russia, Theresa May

Trump Interviews Brett Kavanaugh

My White House bed is very lonely. Fortunately, I’m asleep and dreaming about one of my most profound duties as president: nominating a Supreme Court justice. In eight years Clinton, Bush, and Obama each only got to select two. In my year and a half I’m already considering my second pick, and I really like […]

Also posted in Abortion, Al Gore, Attorneys, Bill Clinton, Brett Kavanaugh, George W. Bush, Hillary Clinton, Monica Lewinsky, Robert Mueller, Sean Hannity, Sex, Supreme Court

Senate to The Donald

after trump lands in brussels u.s. senate votes ninety-seven two saying nato’s friend and ally while putin and russia are not

Also posted in Europe, NATO, Russia, Vladimir Putin

President Xi Writes to Trump

Dear President Trump, We will often be communicating about a variety of serious matters. You believe we’re expanding our economic and military reach to benefit ourselves and diminish you, and you’re correct. We think you’re trying to limit our aforementioned plans, and we also are correct. Rather than burden you with a long list of […]

Also posted in China, Economics, Iran, Korea, Shah of Iran, Trade, Xi Jinping

Misperceptions in North Korea

mike pompeo says wish i’d met with kim jong un this trip but north koreans still negotiated in good faith and we made significant progress toward denuclearization north korea says u.s. betrayed singapore spirit making unilateral and gangster-like demands for denuclearization just like trump’s cancerous predecessors

Also posted in Kim Jong-Un, Korea, Mike Pompeo, Nuclear Weapons

Scott Pruitt Pollutes EPA

As attorney general of Oklahoma I shoved environmental fanatics out of my office, buried them somewhere else, and established a special unit to destroy the tree-hugging, jobs-suppressing policies of Barack Hussein Obama. Oil and gas companies knew I was right and contributed more than three hundred grand to my campaigns and applauded each of the […]

Also posted in Barack Obama, Environment, Scott Pruitt

Trump in Newsroom

today’s violence at capital gazette was tragic and evil and i hope you understand killer was mentally ill and not motivated by my attacks on media

Also posted in Media, Murder, Newspapers

Babes Block Trump

trump says he’s gonna select supreme court justice who’ll help overturn roe v wade plenty of gop women say that ain’t gonna happen

Also posted in Abortion

Latin Presidente

harvard harris poll reveals hispanic support for trump up ten percent

Also posted in Employment, Immigration, Mexico

Trump Embraces White Europeans

Have you heard? I hope you have. Lots of European leaders feel just like I do about immigration from the south. They can’t build a wall like mine, but they’d like to. Austrian Chancellor Sebastian Kurz, a bright young guy who’s only thirty-one, wants a Rome-Berlin-Vienna “axis of the willing against illegal immigration.” Okay, maybe […]

Also posted in Austria, Central America, Hungary, Immigration, Italy, Mexico

Trump Meets Lopez Obrador

After sundown at the White House, President Donald Trump climbs into a laundry truck and in utmost secrecy rides to an undisclosed airport where he boards Air Force One and flies to an unnamed airstrip near the Rio Grande. He then overrules agents and drives his armored beast to the shores of the eternal river, […]

Also posted in Agriculture, Andres Manuel Lopez Obrador, Central America, Immigration, Jorge Ramos, Mexico

Trump Infested

i’m a big man with a big belly and write large my name on executive order before tweeting democrats are the problem and want illegal immigrants no matter how bad to infest our country and become potential voters

Also posted in Immigration, Mexico

Melania’s Jacket

I’m a model who understands the power of clothes and nudity, and know the latter pays better. Still, I must wear clothes to the border. After thinking about it quite a while, I select a green jacket showing white words in back, “I really don’t care. Do u?” Of course I’m not referring to children […]

Also posted in Central America, Immigration, Melania Trump, Mexico

Trump Tough in Minnesota

I’ve come to Minnesota to get away from this border hassle. Don’t lecture me about kids. I’ve got five and they’re all really great, especially Ivanka. I’m concerned about kids everywhere. That’s my job as most powerful hombre in the world. All along I’ve been worried about kids getting split up from their parents on […]

Also posted in El Salvador, Honduras, Immigration, Ivanka Trump, Melania Trump, Mexico

Jeff Sessions Heads South

No longer will I tolerate renegades calling me a racist divider of families along the southern border of these United States. I’m already astride Traveller, my galloping gray steed, and arriving at what I’m confident is a humane detention facility for those who tried to illegally enter our sacred land. “Mr. Attorney General, thank you […]

Also posted in Central America, El Salvador, Honduras, Immigration, Jeff Sessions, Mexico, Texas

Kim Debates Himself

Three days after his triumphant return from Singapore, Kim Jong Un visits his dentist’s office for cleaning and a checkup. Under the glare of three security agents the dentist lifts a syringe, smiles, and says, “Just a little Novocain.” “Why Novocain for cleaning?” says one of the tough guys. “The Dear Leader usually has some […]

Also posted in Benito Mussolini, Kim Jong-Un, Korea, Libya, Methamphetamine, Muammar Gaddafi, Nuclear Weapons

Sessions on the Mount

I, Jeff Sessions, attorney general of these United States, do not wield God’s name as a saber, I only quote the bible, “Let every soul be subject to the governing authorities, for there is no authority except from God, and the authorities that exist are appointed by God,” and in His behalf and those of […]

Also posted in Bible, Central America, Immigration, Jeff Sessions, Mexico, Religion, Slavery

Trump after Singapore

You’d think everyone would be congratulating me about the most extraordinary diplomatic breakthrough in decades, but some aren’t. They’re complaining I conferred legitimacy on a murderous dictator. In fact, I got off my presidential ass, unlike all my predecessors, and traveled thousands of miles to talk to a guy who has lots of nuclear weapons […]

Also posted in Kim Jong-Un, Korea, Nuclear Weapons, Singapore

Fat Kim

ignore lies forty percent north koreans malnourished they all love my big belly

Also posted in Kim Jong-Un, Korea, Nuclear Weapons

Kim Jong Un in Singapore

This evening as I stroll through beautiful grounds of a Singaporean resort people are cheering and squealing like I’m a rock star. This is certainly a good sign for my meeting tomorrow with President Donald Trump. I know he loves stars and winners. The summit begins as the president and I march to each other […]

Also posted in John Bolton, Kim Jong-Un, Korea, Mike Pompeo, Moon Jae-in, Nuclear Weapons, Singapore

Trump Arrives in Singapore

It’s a great honor to participate in the summit meeting with Kim Jong Un, and I’m proud to be the man who made this happen. I really feel like a statesman now. I’m more mature and modest as a leader responsible for the lives of countless millions of people not only in the United States […]

Also posted in John Bolton, Kim Jong-Un, Korean War, Nuclear Weapons, Singapore

Trump Gets Ready

don’t really need to prepare much for kim jong un just gonna keep massaging my balls

Also posted in Kim Jong-Un, Korea, Nuclear Weapons

Attorney General at the Border

Astride a beautiful large gray horse and wearing an elegant suit gray as Robert E. Lee’s uniform, Jefferson Beauregard Sessions patrols the border, looking for intruders. I pity his prey. Sessions appears warrior enough to slay any foe. In each hand I wave a white paper overhead and shout, “Don’t shoot, sir. I just want […]

Also posted in Central America, El Salvador, Honduras, Immigration, Jeff Sessions, Robert E. Lee

Absolute Trump

robert mueller can’t interrogate me because i have absolute authority over all federal investigators and may fire mueller to prove it

Also posted in Robert Mueller

Kim Yong Chol in New York

In a Chinese airliner I fly to New York where atop a beautiful skyscraper my aide and I are dining with Secretary of State Mike Pompeo and Andrew Kim, America’s purported expert in all matters North Korean and a man whose real name isn’t Andrew Kim. As my nation’s preeminent intelligence and security expert, and […]

Also posted in John Bolton, Jose Abeto Zaide, Kim Jong-Un, Kim Yong Chol, Korea, Mike Pompeo, Nuclear Weapons

What’s a Samantha Bee

from around the nation conservative pundits call to ask why i haven’t denounced samantha bee who’s she the unfunny comedian who c-worded ivanka trump four letters right then that’s what samantha bee is

Also posted in Ivanka Trump, Samantha Bee

Roseanne Barred

donald trump and roseanne barr tweet about race and ethnicity one becomes president other loses tv show

Also posted in Comedians, Racism, Roseanne Barr

Trey Gowdy Clears FBI

i’m hard head of house oversight committee and support trump but gotta tell you fbi planted no spies in his campaign and investigated properly to determine russians tried to help elect trump and if president didn’t know he should act like it

Also posted in FBI, Robert Mueller, Trey Gowdy

Ayatollah Khomeini Debates the Shah of Iran

I’m writing this commentary in French, the most sublime language, from my Parisian penthouse where I’ve been ruminating for almost forty years. I assure you I remain a most formidable leader and lover, and am primed to educate you about what is happening to Iran. Don’t you wish I, instead of radical and incompetent theocrats, […]

Also posted in Ayatollah Khomeini, George Thomas Clark, Iran, Iraq, Israel, Jose Abeto Zaide, King Donald, Mike Pompeo, Nuclear Weapons, Syria

Trump Cancels Kim

kim said he understood our around-his-neck nuclear exercises with south korea and i explained john bolton’s gaddafi-model gaffe applied to kim’s nukes not his head he’s got to settle down so someday we can actually meet

Also posted in John Bolton, Kim Jong-Un, Korea, Libya, Muammar Gaddafi, Nuclear Weapons

Trump Diplomacy B

i’m telling iran stick to nuclear agreement i voided or i’ll attack

Also posted in Iran, Nuclear Weapons

Trump Investigates

i demand dept of justice look into possible fbi/doj surveillance of my trump campaign and find out if crime was ordered by obama administration

Also posted in Barack Obama, FBI, Robert Mueller, Russia

Trump Diplomacy A

i’m going to tell kim jong un denuclearize right away or i’ll attack

Also posted in John Bolton, Kim Jong-Un, Korea, Nuclear Weapons

Trump Animals

i’m talking about ms-13 gang members it’s crazy because of weak laws these people come in fast we get them we send them away we get them again we’re taking them out of the country at a rate that’s never happened before it’s so ridiculous they aren’t people they’re animals

Also posted in Crime, Gangs, Immigration

Nobel Delay

I’d never say it, but almost everyone else is: President Trump’s a lock for the Nobel Peace Prize. Obviously, I agree. None of my timid predecessors could have brought Kim Jong Un running to the peace table. Only my threats of unprecedented death and destruction have made peace possible. I’m not worried Kim threatened to […]

Also posted in Iran, John Bolton, Kim Jong-Un, Korea, Nobel Prize, Nuclear Weapons

John Bolton Advises Trump

(This conversation was recorded by trusted contacts in the National Security Agency) “I alone have made this historical decision,” said Donald Trump. “Please remember, Mr. President, we do need excuses.” He moves behind his desk in the Oval Office and plants himself. “What excuses could we use?” “The same ones I recommended in the National […]

Also posted in Iran, Israel, John Bolton, Nuclear Weapons, Russia, Syria

Trumping Iran

No, wise guy, I’m not sitting on the can but an executive chair at a presidential table in the White House and am appropriately stern but proud as I sign the Presidential Memorandum announcing the United States will violate the Joint Comprehensive Plan of Action in order to prevent Iran, the most terroristic nation on […]

Also posted in Barack Obama, England, France, Germany, Iran, John Bolton, Nuclear Weapons, Russia

Trump Nuclear Strategy

we need more long and intermediate range nukes so what russia will also make more we’ll make more than their more and be on top

Also posted in Nuclear Weapons, Russia, START, Vladimir Putin

Nobel Trump

people ask what i had to with north’s korea’s improved behavior and offer to meet at summit my answer’s simple everything now it’s almost cinch i’ll win nobel peace prize and if i don’t blame kim jong un

Also posted in Kim Jong-Un, Korea, Nuclear Weapons

My NRA

trump enters nra bordello and says elect more republicans to protect sacred gun rights

Also posted in Guns, Murder, NRA

At the Border

kim jong un walked south across the border kim jae-in walked north across the border and both returned south to discuss making korea nuclear-free and they lived quite happily until real negotiations began

Also posted in Kim Jong-Un, Korea, Moon Jae-in, Nuclear Weapons

Nikki Next Time

trump confused about nikki haley’s plans in twenty twenty

Also posted in Nikki Haley, United Nations

James Mattis Moderates John Bolton

Dr. Harrison didn’t get drunk on fine wines at the party for powerbrokers in Washington, D.C. that recent night but did consume enough to hand the keys to his wife, after only brief debate, and rode shotgun, singing his alma mater’s fight song. At home he again acceded in gentlemanly fashion and, still clothed except […]

Also posted in Bashar al-Assad, Chemical Weapons, Iran, Iraq, James Mattis, John Bolton, Kim Jong-Un, Korea, Nuclear Weapons, Syria

Meet John Larson

The ruddy face of Representative John Larson roars through my Facebook news hole this afternoon, and, shortly after wondering who the hell’s he, I click the video and watch as in strong voice he addresses Republican opponents on the floor of the House, saying it’s time to “expose a lot of (their) myths, like this […]

Also posted in John Larson, Medicare, Social Security

Representing Sean Hannity

it’s private but now you know michael cohen’s given me some legal tips but he never sent invoices and i swear none of this had to do with third party

Also posted in Michael Cohen, Robert Mueller, Sean Hannity

Stalin Assesses Syria

I love my giant TV in the sky and hotlines to hell where you still dwell. No longer do I have to worry about the deadly schemes of millions of enemies internal and external and my stressful duty of arresting, torturing, and slaughtering them. Those tasks now fall to others, in many nations, and I’m […]

Also posted in Bashar al-Assad, James Mattis, Jose Abeto Zaide, Joseph Stalin, Missiles, Nuclear Weapons, Russia, Syria, Timber Sycamore, Vlade Divac

Saint James Comey

hillary the satanic emailer i had to take down donald the prevaricating mobster i’m going to take down while in heaven I loom atop bestseller list

Also posted in Hillary Clinton, James Comey

China Pressures North Korea

(These secret communiques between President Kim Jong Un and President Xi Jinping were intercepted and assembled in March 2018 by the intelligence agencies of the United States and South Korea, and released early this morning.) Kim Jong Un – Mr. President, you’ve slashed imports of our products by eighty percent so far this year. And […]

Also posted in China, Iran, John Bolton, Kim Jong-Un, Korea, Nuclear Weapons, Xi Jinping

Au Revoir, Paul Ryan

i’m tired of riding trump titanic and snoozing on capitol couch but may someday return if i can sleep in white house and keep attacking social security and medicare

Also posted in Medicare, Paul Ryan, Republicans, Social Security, Titanic

Mighty Morals

I accept your passionate call to step in and stop the investigative nonsense that’s enveloping this nuclear nation of bluenose hypocrites. First, we don’t need to know if Donald Trump twelve years ago had a quick roll in the sack with stripper and porn star Stormy Daniels. We also don’t need to know if, during […]

Also posted in Environment, Karen McDougal, Michael Cohen, Nuclear Weapons, Robert Mueller, Sex, Stormy Daniels, Trade

Trump Tweets Assad

my first message assad you’re a sick animal and i’m gonna punish you for poison gassing mothers and children my second message we’re getting out of your shithole country before midterm elections in november

Also posted in Bashar al-Assad, Chemical Weapons, Syria

Border Politics

since arrests at border continue declining to lowest in forty-six years why is trump banging immigration drum

Also posted in Immigration, Mexico

Vicente Fox Counters Trump

Lights glow, TV cameras roll, and Donald Trump says, “I want you to remember my remarks at Trump Tower the day I started my campaign for president. I used the word rape, and people said I was too tough. Now they’re saying I’m right. On the journey coming up here, from Central America through Mexico, […]

Also posted in Drugs, Immigration, Mexico, Murder, Vicente Fox

Kim Jong Un in China

I have always admired President Xi Jinping and warmly congratulated him last year when he won reelection as general secretary of the central committee, and this year I again sent my regards after he was reelected president in a way that means president for life. Even these overtures seemed insufficient, so I conveyed to President […]

Also posted in Beijing, China, Kim Il Sung, Kim Jong-Il, Kim Jong-Un, Korea, Nuclear Weapons, Ri Sol Ju, Xi Jinping

Manila Bulletin Posts: “Trump and Biden Brawl”

Manila Bulletin columnist Jose Abeto Zaide, former Philippine ambassador to Germany and France, has again posted one of my columns. “TRUMP AND BIDEN BRAWL” in the Manila Bulletin Click here to read “King Donald” by George Thomas Clark

Also posted in George Thomas Clark, Joe Biden, Jose Abeto Zaide, King Donald

Easter Egg Hunt

no more daca deal too many dreamers need wall happy easter love donald

Also posted in Immigration, Mexico

Did Donald Dally

no matter what happened between the porn star the playmate and the president it’s none of our business

Also posted in Pornography, Sex

Guns and War

On the recent Saturday when a few million citizens, many quite young, gathered to protest gun violence in scores of cities and towns from Washington, D.C. to Los Angeles, I boosted several of my Facebook links to stories I’d written about guns and war. These promotions attracted many new readers who, by demographic selection, I’d […]

Also posted in Guns, John Bolton, Kim Jong-Un, Korea, Mental Health, Murder, NRA, Nuclear Weapons

Trump and Biden Brawl

Joe Biden, former vice president and still a slender six-footer at age seventy-five, stands at the microphone in an elegant Washington, D.C. hotel and, before Democratic governors and their staffs, begins hammering President Donald Trump for cutting taxes for the wealthy, risking a trade war with Europe and Asia, risking nuclear war with North Korea […]

Also posted in China, Jerry Brown, Joe Biden, Kim Jong-Un, Korea, Nuclear Weapons, Trade

Manila Bulletin Posts “Trump Interviews John Bolton”

Jose Abeto Zaide, former Philippine ambassador to France and Germany, has again posted one of my columns in the Manila Bulletin. This one is titled “Trump Interviews John Bolton.” “Trump Interviews John Bolton” in the Manila Bulletin “King Donald” by George Thomas Clark

Also posted in Iran, Jose Abeto Zaide, Kim Jong-Il, Kim Jong-Un, Nuclear Weapons

Trump Interviews John Bolton

I like saying, “You’re fired,” to people who aren’t on board with my views and I’m probably going to say that to my national security advisor, H.R. McMaster. He’s still an active general but no way does he understand war the way I do. And I also think John Bolton knows a lot more about […]

Also posted in Dick Cheney, Fox News, H.R. McMaster, Iran, John Bolton, Kim Jong-Un, Korea, Nuclear Weapons, Ted Kennedy, Vietnam

GOP Supports Mueller

trump panting to fire special prosecutor robert mueller republicans warn he better not mueller’s just following the facts

Also posted in Robert Mueller, Russia

Andrew McCabe Trumped

Like former FBI director James Comey, I was fired as deputy director by order of Donald Trump, and like Comey I’d written what Trump told me and passed the poisonous brew to special prosecutor Robert Mueller. I’d like to thank former CIA director John Brennan, who tweets like Trump would if he were literate, for […]

Also posted in CIA, FBI, James Comey, Robert Mueller

Gun Safety in the Classroom

I love living and going to high school in a beautiful California town by the sea where my favorite teacher is Mr. Smith. He’s also got eleven years of experience as a reserve police officer and really knows a lot about guns. This morning, in his administration of justice class, he’s showing us how to […]

Also posted in Guns, Mental Health, Murder

The Right Walls

i don’t like california but it’s great to be here at the border where i’m looking at prototypes of eight wonderful walls i’ll chose from to save countless lives and hundreds of billions of dollars and that’s how mexico’s really paying for our wall

Also posted in California, Immigration, Mexico

Jeff Sessions Invades California

Jefferson Beauregard Sessions, the Alabama-bred former judge and senator who’s now attorney general of the United States, gallops his white steed to the Capitol steps in Sacramento, dismounts, and, bugle in hand, blows a sound that compels local dogs to howl and political workers to cover their ears. Charging out the door and down the […]

Also posted in California, Immigration, Jeff Sessions, Jerry Brown

Clean GOP Election

intelligent republicans on house committee declare trump team didn’t collude with russians intelligent democrats say republicans refused to subpoena bank phone and other relevant records

Also posted in Russia, Vladamir Putin

Calling Rex Tillerson

Listen, I already told you all I’m not going to let anyone damage this smooth-running administration by forcing me to admit I called Donald Trump a moron. I have great respect and affection for the president, and hope he feels the same about me. It’s my duty to tell him the Iran nuclear deal is […]

Also posted in Kim Jong-Un, Korea, Mike Pompeo, Rex Tillerson

Presidential Fire

yeah that’s right i told some republican politicians they were scared of the nra but i’m not i just had a couple of meetings and decided it’s better we keep letting kids eighteen buy assault weapons

Also posted in Guns, Mental Health, Murder, NRA

Maxine Trump

maxine waters wants to impeach me for nothing because she’s a low iq individual says the donald donald trump’s a con man been one all his life and loves dictators and repression maxine counters

Also posted in Maxine Waters

Trump Shock

hold it i thought south korea said kim jong un promised to denuclearize but maybe he just wants to talk about it and i’d look dumb

Also posted in Kim Jong-Un, Korea, Nuclear Weapons

Big Boys to Meet

(The following are transcripts of recent, and quite separate, private utterances by the world’s two most feared warriors.) Donald Trump – Other presidents didn’t have the guts to negotiate with Kim Jong Un or his father or grandfather but I’ve got brass balls, and my threats to completely destroy his country have scared the Little […]

Also posted in Kim Jong-Un, Korea, Muammar Gaddafi, Nuclear Weapons, Saddam Hussein