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Category Archives: Chemical Weapons

James Mattis Moderates John Bolton

Dr. Harrison didn’t get drunk on fine wines at the party for powerbrokers in Washington, D.C. that recent night but did consume enough to hand the keys to his wife, after only brief debate, and rode shotgun, singing his alma mater’s fight song. At home he again acceded in gentlemanly fashion and, still clothed except […]

Also posted in Bashar al-Assad, Donald Trump, Iran, Iraq, James Mattis, John Bolton, Kim Jong-Un, Korea, Nuclear Weapons, Syria

Trump Tweets Assad

my first message assad you’re a sick animal and i’m gonna punish you for poison gassing mothers and children my second message we’re getting out of your shithole country before midterm elections in november

Also posted in Bashar al-Assad, Donald Trump, Syria

Obama Writes to Trump

Dear President Trump, I have to this point restrained myself from responding to your avalanche of falsehoods and insults but better speak now, in this letter I share with a public likely to suffer from your instability and that should know you’re a nonalcoholic version of witch-hunting Senator Joseph McCarthy, whose name still makes free […]

Also posted in Barack Obama, Bashar al-Assad, Donald Trump, Iran, Iraq, Korea, Nuclear Weapons, Syria

Trump Strikes Syria

assad doesn’t know what I’m thinking because i don’t either four years ago i tweeted obama don’t attack syria after that i bashed him for not striking now i’m firing cruise missiles and not worried what’s next

Also posted in Bashar al-Assad, Donald Trump, Russia, Syria

Assad Passes Gas

Trust me, as the father of all Syrians, I – President Bashar al-Assad – am more aggrieved than anyone by the cowardly and criminals gas attacks that killed scores of women and children in the town of Khan Sheikhoun. Even though I’m an enormously proud and powerful man, I tell you I wept at reports […]

Also posted in Barack Obama, Bashar al-Assad, Donald Trump, ISIS, Rex Tillerson, Russia, Syria, Vladimir Putin

Putin on Syrian Gas

Let’s be honest. I’m shrewdest politician in world. I maneuver into many terms as president, deftly gag dissenters, jail Pussy Riot female rockers who belittle Christ, and now I write columns for New York Times. If life weren’t so good in Russia I’d move to Big Apple and comment full-time. I have special insight into […]

Also posted in Barack Obama, Bashar al-Assad, Hafez al-Assad, Middle East, Pussy Riot, Russia, Short Pieces - GTC, Syria, Vladimir Putin

Assad Explains Seige of Homs

This story is from the collection “Obama on Edge”

Also posted in Barack Obama, Bashar al-Assad, Hafez al-Assad, Middle East, Short Pieces - GTC, Syria

Kerry Challenges Assad

We have unassailable evidence Bashar al-Assad gassed Syrian civilians in vile attempt to retain stranglehold on country. What we don’t have is war-winning military option. Americans don’t want to fight in Syria and neither do allies. It’s therefore incumbent on me, as decorated and oft-wounded warrior, to stand up and challenge Assad to hand-to-hand combat. […]

Also posted in Bashar al-Assad, Hafez al-Assad, John Kerry, Middle East, Syria

Assad Gas Company

Obama has red line between eyes that means I can use gas whenever. I don’t want to every day, only when I need to. Sometimes I need to gas children and other sleeping civilians who understand I must keep power. Only I am qualified to lead. Before I took over, only Father was fit. Syria […]

Also posted in Bashar al-Assad, Hafez al-Assad, Middle East, Short Pieces - GTC, Syria